As salamu Alaykum

 

Shokran for writing to our live session.  I am sorry to hear that you are having difficulties with your son’s examination results.  As parents it is important to us to see our child excel and do well in their studies.  Exams are particularly important and can be times of immense stress and pressure for students as well as parents.  However, it is more stressful for the student as they are the ones who are actively studying, worrying and ensuring that they are well prepared on the examination date.

 

Preparing for Exams and Outcomes

 

It sounds as if you and your son did prepare as best as you could, especially your son.  You stated he did not get “top marks”. I am sorry, but I am unclear what this signifies.  Did your son get a good grade but not as good as you had hoped for?  If this is the case I would kindly ask that insha’Allah, you praise him on his hard work and current accomplishments. Often when our children work very hard to get good grades (and do), we as parents may naturally wish for top scores and higher grades. We may let our disappointment and frustration show which only discourages the child.   If our children do get good grades, but not top scores, our reaction as parents can determine future outcomes.

 

Negative Responses and Damaged Self Confidence

 

When handled incorrectly, parents may express disappointment, anger, or even rage towards their child.  This may harm the child’s sense of accomplishment, sense of worth, confidence and self-esteem.  If repeated enough, the child may feel that no matter what he/she does it will never be good enough. This may result in the child giving up.

 

Correcting Poor Study Habits

 

If your son indeed got poor grades and did not really try to study or excel on the exam, then perhaps he needs help to develop better study habits. Perhaps a professional tutor may help, or study groups at school.  Insha’Allah, he should also be educated to understand the importance of good scores. Perhaps discussing with him statistics relating to test scores and college admittance may be effective.  Whatever the approach, insha’Allah it will be one conducive to open communication, encouragement and concern.  Children tend to attain higher levels when they feel capable and feel that someone believes in them and their abilities.

 

Acknowledging Good Work

 

If your son did get good scores but not the top scores, insha’Allah he will be praised for his efforts, encouraged, and assured that he will do even better next time.  This instills a sense of accomplishment in a child, as well as the belief that they can do better.  This approach is conducive to the development of a positive self-image, confidence, and increased future accomplishments.

 

We wish you the best!