As salamu alaykum,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session. My heart goes out to you and your son. I have heard of many people who this has happened to (fondled/sexually abused by an adult as children), though they usually are now adults with many psychological problems, traumatized wondering why this happened to them.

 

Sexual Abuse or a Loving Grandmother

 

Brother your situation is one which should not be tolerated. You have a young son who is being subjected to having his private parts touched in front of others by a grown woman. This grown woman just happens to be your mother-in-law. Brother, if she were not your mother-in-law, would you view this differently? She states it is her “rights”? No one gave her “rights” to fondle a young boy’s genitalia. Allah forgives me if I am wrong, however, it sounds like sexual abuse.

 

If she were changing him and cleaning his genitalia it would be different. However, this does not sound like what she is doing- grandmotherly duties of caring for a young child. It sounds as if she is doing it for her own sick sexual pleasures. I question her mental state. Further, as she is doing it in front of others stating it is her right, I also question those who see-and do nothing.

 

Cut off all Contact with your Son

 

I kindly suggest dear brother that you forbid her from touching your son’s private parts. I would not let your child alone with either. In fact, I would consider keeping your son away from her. Do not cut off your wife’s contact with her, only your son’s. Help her should she need it and try to ensure she is okay. Part of being “okay” includes mental health. She needs help from a therapist. Clearly, there is something wrong. If she is fondling your son’s private parts in public-what is she doing when no one can see? This is a horrific thought. Even if she agreed to go for counseling, I would still be cautious.

 

While I do not know how old your son is, I can imagine that yes, he feels shame. Furthermore, your lack of action to stop this is telling him that it is permissible for people to be touching his private parts. If he continues to grow up under this type of abuse, as he gets older he will likely be traumatized and wonder why no one stopped it.

 

Protecting your Son is Respect

 

Brother I know you love your son very much and you are worried about this bizarre behavior of your mother-in-law. I also sense that you have a lot of respect too, as you are not clear on how to stop this. Remove your son from her presence. In private (with your wife) tell her that under no circumstances will she be allowed to be with your child, that what she is doing is haram, harmful, and is child abuse. Advise her to get counseling. This is not being disrespectful, this is condemning a haram, sinful act and protecting your son.

 

Conclusion

 

Brother you may go through family upheaval for a moment-though I cannot see anyone who would disagree with your actions nor object. However it is your son’s well being that must be put first before anything and anyone. Please do not let her continue to do this to your child. Allah entrusted you with his care and protection, please do end this now. Seek Allah’s guidence and protection. We wish you the best, you are in our prayers.