Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh brother,

 

Since you have posted specific questions, I will answer them one by one.

 

1- This is abuse! There is no problem in calling the police! He is hurting you and your mother severely and is even threatening to kill you. Your lives are at risk and it is important that you do seek help for everyone’s sake. The police are there to protect you in cases like this and in sha Allah they will be able to.

2-Of course you can use self defense, you are trying to protect yourself from harm and this is not a bad thing. We are supposed to take care of ourselves and protect ourselves from harm where possible.

 

3-It is understandable given the situation why you only have bad feelings towards him. However, you don’t need to let that stop you praying for good for him. Allah can turn the hearts of anyone and He could do so to your father anytime. Of course, you would love to have a loving father who treats you well, and this is possible ad much as it seems it is not right now. So, despite everything, even if you call the police or everyone comes to know of what is going on, continue to pray for him.

 

4-Once you are independent, it is fine to leave him. Given the situation now, there would be no blame on you if you left sooner even. Eventually, you will get married in sha Allah and start your own family and so it would be expected that you part ways at the point at least. Of course, if he changes his ways it will be important to maintain ties with him as per Islamic values, and perhaps by then he will have come to miss your presence and realized the error of his ways and become a reformed man and deal with you kindly.

 

5-It is a shame the community would consider you being worn if you called the police because you have e not done anything wrong. Your father is in the wrong for the abuse he subjects you to. This is not ok and is not an issue that should just be swept under the carpet or accepted as ok behavior. Of course, having the whole community aware of the situation is less than ideal, but you have to weigh up what’s worse; withstanding the abuse and the community believing everything is ok, or reporting him, and knowing yourself and the community knowing about what’s happening.

 

Perhaps, of its easier for you-you could ask a single trusted person to intervene first, someone who you know your father will respond favorably too. However, this comes at the risk of making things worse if your father then comes to know you told someone. If possible, you might consider going away somewhere for a few days to get a break from the chaos and give you the space to reflect clearly. These are options to think about. Make istikhara and make your choice with conviction.

 

If you are feeling suicidal I would also urge you to please go and seek ongoing counseling to deal with the psychological issues that you are facing.

 

May Allah make it easier for you and guide you all to the best.