As salamu alaykum sister,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session.  What you are describing is a normal part of child and teen development.  It can be alarming to see or know that young children are finding pleasure in these activities as we normally associate this type of pleasure with a grown, married person.

 

Healthychildren (1) states that “At a very young age, children begin to explore their bodies by touching, poking, pulling, and rubbing their body parts, including their genitals. As children grow older, they will need guidance in learning about these body parts and their functions.”  These feelings and behaviors are normal and innocent (unless sexual abuse has occurred).

 

Children often as young as two, find these pleasure spots while bathing or other doing other tasks.  Children also become curious about their bodies and the bodies of others their age and often seek to explore.    The Healthy children (1) article offers a lot of great tips and insights into child development concerning this topic.  I would kindly advise that insha’Allah you consider reading it to learn more about childhood growth and development as well as how to address it when your own children begin to display these normal behaviors.

 

Normal Human Development

 

As this is normal human development and behaviors sister, it is nothing new.  It is not a reflection of modern society. What may have changed throughout history and even differs among cultures is how we as parents react to it.  Some cultures or people may be more liberal and tolerant to children exploring, however, most parents do curb the behaviors by redirecting the activity to something else, teaching the child that touching oneself in public is inappropriate as well as teaching the child respect for their body.

 

As Muslim’s, we seek to make the child understand that these feelings and activities are normal however they are to be enjoyed within the context of marriage. The age of the child will, of course, determine what your approach would be.  While simple redirection and basic elementary education may work for a 4-year-old, redirection and a more in-depth Islamic sexual education may be required for a 10-year-old.  If you approach the behaviors with a sense of normalcy with restraints, your children should develop healthy attitudes and respect regarding sexual pleasure.

 

However, if you approach it as evil and forbidden they may develop low self-esteem, experience feelings of shame and feel there is something wrong with them. Additionally, the “forbidden fruit” often becomes more tempting. Your goal insha’Allah, is to train and teach them that it is normal feelings that are to be expressed in a marital relationship.

 

Encouraging Healthy Islamic Behaviors

 

I encourage you to view these behaviors as a normal sister but do be prepared to address them when they arise in your own children.  By encouraging healthy Islamic behaviors and self-image at a young age, insha’Allah it will stay with your children as they go through puberty.  Be sure to engage your children with a lot of Islamic activities, Islamic supports and education as well as Muslim friends.

 

The more we immerse our children in Islamic values and principles, the better equipped they will be (and us) at handling life’s challenges.

 

We wish you the best.