Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

 

Before even looking at your specific situation,  it’s important to remember that skin color and whether revert or not should be irrelevant in consideration of a person  (although, still comes with some challenges). Furthermore,  it is important to be aware of how it is also not Islamically acceptable to be with another person in a romantic way, before marriage. Although what has been done to now cannot be undone,  it is important to realize how this might impact on your feelings regarding this situation.

 

Your situation is made especially difficult in that it feels that one way or another you will be upsetting things with either your family or with him and that you cannot have both.  Feeling that you have to chose between one or the other is tough and comes with consequences whatever action you take.

 

When it comes to making such life-changing decisions, there are some things you can do to make the process easier on yourself and those around you.

 

First of all, consider your options. Think about and write down the consequences of making each. Write down the pros and cons of each and which option would be most pleasing to Allah. This will help you to see everything in perspective. Put it away somewhere and in the next few days, take that list out again and see how you feel about what you wrote down.  Add to it if other things come to mind.

 

Consult with a close and tried family member who will be able to advise you without the same emotional attachment that you have. Often,  it’s easy to forget the important things a become clouded by others leading to irrational decision making. They may even help you to consider things that you hadn’t even thought of.

 

Consider other options. If you are serious about marrying this man then perhaps arrange a meeting between the families to open his families eyes to Islam as well as your families eyes to the nature of this man to be able to judge him for who he is and not based on their own assumptions and stereotypes.

 

Amongst all this, pray istikhara and ask Allah to guide you to what is best for you, him and your family. If a marriage to him is meant to be and will be good for you then surely Allah will make it happen and if not, He will turn your heart away from it.

 

May Allah guide you to make the best decision that will be best for all and most pleasing to Him.