Assalamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh sister,

 

In this case, it seems like you have become so fixated in your desire that it is making it difficult for you to move on. Remember, if Allah has decreed this matter for you then He will make sure it happens. Of course, part of this process may be that you need to a patient before it happens, but at some point, you might have to accept that it is not meant to be and move on.

 

If you become fixated on it as you are, then your judgment may be clouded as you feel that you should continue to wait to feel that this is what Allah wants for you. Perhaps it is, but you need to also know when it is time to back down; when Allah is actually not giving you this thing because it is not for you. As you are sure that this is what is for you, you may have a hard time looking for anything beyond this. To manage this seeking advise from others close to you will help you to see the situation from an alternative perspective that is not focused on your own desires. Maybe what you see as Allah’s truth is a result of your own desires and feelings towards him. Seeking the opinions of trusted others will help you to see things more clearly around this matter.

 

He has already said no to marrying you so try to respect this as your continued pursuance could even be pushing him further away from you. Perhaps you could approach his family with your Mahram to discuss the matter seriously to find out if he really doesn’t want to get married, or if he’s willing to give it time or to get to know you a bit better. This might give you a more concrete idea regarding his situation. You will also have a trusted person with you who will also be able to judge the scenario through another set of eyes. If he is very clear in his rejection, then you really do need to leave it all behind you and move on and allow him to also.

 

Perhaps you might consider a middle ground that you will give him a certain amount of time to change his mind and if things don’t change then you should move on. As you are so fixated on this man this may be very difficult at first, especially when you don’t see any other option. However,  when you open your mind and seek other opportunities, you will find it a lot easier to move on. So, as you explore other proposals you will find that they may be other men out there that are even more suitable for you. Once you make this step in moving on, it will be a lot easier to let go of this other man.

 

In the meantime, continue to pray istikhara regarding the matter. Sometimes it can take time, but always remember that if something is meant to be and is good for you, then Allah will make it happen, and if not, then He will take it away from you and turn your heart away from it placing obstacles in the way of it moving forward.

 

May Allah grant a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.