as salamu alaykum dear brother,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session.  I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you are having with the visa as well as with your wife in regards to how she is feeling.  Transitioning into a marriage is not always easy and often times it gets more difficult when the husband and wife are apart.    

 

It seems as if there is a communication issue with you and your wife.  I am not sure when her behavior started to change towards you but I know that the immigration process can be a very stressful time for couples.  As far as I know brother, you can go online and check your visa status yourself, though I may be wrong you should have a case number wherein you can keep track of the progress.  There is nothing that your wife can do to speed things up with the visa process as they pretty much have control over it once everything has been submitted unless other things are needed.  I think if your wife just wanted a friend to talk to the brother, she would not have gone to the great lengths of marrying you, she just would have kept you as a friend. However, she did go there and marry you so insha’Allah she does love you.  Perhaps she is getting discouraged over the whole visa process, though 8 months is not considered a real long time for getting a visa.  It does take time.  She may be experiencing fears that it will not go through or fears it could take years and be emotionally withdrawing due to that. Her statement “come to the US once and for all” is a clue that she may be feeling like it will never happen.  Indeed it is a very stressful time for most couples seeking a visa nowadays.

 

Also, she may be hearing things now like “oh he just wants you for a green card, he doesn’t really love you, he will leave you once he gets his citizenship” and so forth.  Cruel as it may sound, these things do happen and some unkind person may be telling her this, scaring her.

 

Brother, I kindly suggest that you talk with her expressing your love for her and your support.  Assure her that things will turn out well insha’Allah and that you understand that the visa process is not only stressful but can be lengthy at times.   Try to engage her in what is going on in her life, how is her family, what did she do during the day and so forth.  By not always focusing on the visa every conversation and trying to continue to build with her by asking her about her life and other topics, she may eventually be less silent when it comes to discussing the visa.  When you do engage with her on the topic of visa, you may want to suggest that you both read and share articles on couples going through the visa experience.  Visa Journey is a great forum to check out.  It may help you and your wife by reading other couples experiences as well as sharing yours.  Perhaps she won’t feel so alone or hopeless (if this is what is going on).

 

Brother, she is probably just missing you and wants you there with her now. This is a test and trial for you both to over-come insha’Allah.  Be patient, don’t think the worse, be supportive and empathetic to all she needs to do to get you there as there is massive paperwork as well as grueling interviews as I am sure you know. Make duaa to Allah that He makes this easy for you both.  Pray together, read Qur’an together and build each other up Islamically.  As you know there is a strength and comfort for Muslims seeking refuge and solace in Allah’s love and mercy.  It will also bring you and your wife closer and insha’Allah, strengthen your bond and provide a solid Islamic foundation for your marriage when you do get there.  You are in our prayers brother please let us know how you are doing.