As salamu alaykum brother,

 

I am so sad to hear how you are feeling regarding your marriage as well as the fact that your wife has not been treating you very well.  I can imagine that when you both got married, you never expected this.  You probably had feelings of great joy and excitement, only for it to be shattered.  From what I understand, she had an affair with a man in London where she worked prior to your marriage.  I can imagine brother that it was very devastating when you found out.  It must have really hurt your heart.  From that point, it appears that she did very little to regain your trust or make efforts to increase your marital closeness.  On the other hand, as you were still in your shock and grief over it perhaps you needed more time to accept, forgive and move on but it seemed as if things progressed swiftly concerning the unraveling of your marriage.  As you stated she kept going to her parents and spent little time with you as well as her returning to her workplace in London (where the guy was) it is quite possible that the child is not yours.  May Allah swt forgive me for saying this, but from what you have said regarding her behavior, her being at her parents  all the time, her not wanting the baby registered as legally yours, as well as her continued defiance and heartlessness concerning the situation, is suspect. I also saw a red flag when you found out about the affair and she ask you if you wanted her to take the “morning after” pill, essentially aborting any pregnancy if there was one.  After all this, she did in fact find out she was pregnant so please forgive me as I am not clear on the time frame.  As you are married one year now and the baby was born in September making her possible conception date right around the time you were married.  I am just surprised that she would suggest the “morning after” pill at that time unless she thought she was pregnant.  Again I may be wrong, Allah forgives me, but insha’Allah this is something to consider as she is trying her best to keep herself and the baby from you.

 

Brother, as you have suggested marital counseling, charity work, and other ways to save your marriage and she has not responded favorably, I would kindly suggest that you ask her one more time.  As Allah does hate divorce, there are instances wherein it cannot be avoided.  It takes two to actively heal a marriage and want it to move forward, not just one.  As you stated, you have been traumatized by all of this and rightly so, it will take time as well for you to trust her again even if she does comply with the marriage counseling.  A good counselor will be able to help you both through this but again, there are a lot of unknowns here brother as well as a lot of pain put into such period of time. You both are at a point wherein you can only express anger, hatred, and disgust to each other.  This obviously is not a good place to be and yes, there will be worse things around the corner as you said if it is not resolved as soon as possible.

 

I would kindly suggest that you make istakharra prayer regarding this issue.  Ask Allah swt to show you the truth of all this and the guide you to a right decision.  I would also suggest that you get a paternity test done to see if this is in fact your daughter.  Once this is established you will have rights as a father as well as piece of mind that this is indeed your child.  I also suggest dear brother that you get counseling on a regular basis to help you deal with all the trauma you have been through as well as the help you on the path of healing.   Should you and your wife divorce, or should the child not be yours, I can imagine your grief and depression will increase thus a referral to a counselor is recommended.

 

You stated that you wanted a loving wife by your side till you die-well that is ideal and what most want brother however for right now you must deal with the situation as is which means insha’Allah actively addressing it by asking her one more time to work towards saving the marriage, getting a paternity test to see if the child is yours and deciding whether or not based on these factors, if you want to file for divorce.  The sooner you take steps brother the sooner this will be resolved insha’Alah one way or another.  Insha’Allah may Allah grant you ease.  May Allah bless you with a kind, loving wife brother, whether it is your current wife by change of heart or if it is someone else.  You deserve to be happy, to be loved, respected and treated with kindness. You are in our prayers.