As salamu alaykum dear sister,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session with your feelings and issues.  I am sad to hear of your situation regarding conceiving a child.  While I do not know how long you were married the first time, or why you did not have a child then, I can assure you are able to conceive and that at this point it is your husband’s low sperm count that is possibly slowing things down.

 

Sister, I do not know how long you and your current husband have been married and trying to conceive but I do know that couples who are very stressed out do have issues conceiving.  “Recent research tells us that stress boosts levels of stress hormones, such as adrenaline, catecholamines, and cortisol, which can inhibit the release of the body’s main hormone, GnRH (gonadotropin releasing hormone), which is responsible for the release of sex hormones. Subsequently, this may suppress ovulation in women, reduce sperm count in men and lower libido in both women and men”. Not only has research confirmed a link between stress and inability to conceive, I have also seen wherein my auntie and uncle were trying to conceive for 20 years and were very stressed out and upset because they did not.  They decided to give up and adopt, and when they did she got pregnant.  The same thing happened to my mom’s friend who was around your age.  As soon as she and her husband stopped “trying” and just focused on loving each other and accepting life as a couple with no children, she got pregnant.  So while your husband may have a low sperm count, it may be the anxiety and stress that you (and him) are going through that is contributing to it.

 

Sister, you sound very angry at your husband, especially when you stated you hate him and want to die.  I am not sure how he is feeling with all this anger but I would kindly suggest dear sister that you get counseling on a regular basis to help you deal with these emotions.  Should you get pregnant, it will not be good for the baby to be around negativity thus I do encourage you to deal with it now before you do conceive. Also, Should you seriously feel suicidal sister, please do tell someone and call the suicide hotline for help. If this is not in your area dear sister, please do get the number to one which is, or ask your counselor when you go for counseling insha’Allah.

 

Lastly dear sister, please do connect with the sisters at the Masjid for support and friendship.  Take some Islamic classes.  Try to take time to socialize, go out for lunch, tea or walks with sisters you are close with.  Our sisters are a great support.   Engage in exercise and stress reduction techniques to help calm your mind and body as well as increase your feelings of happiness.   Insha’Allah sister, try to work very hard on recharging your iman.  I can imagine it is most difficult right now and often with crises in life, we can get depressed and lose part of our iman.  You are not alone.  What is most important right now, is to draw close to Allah swt through prayer, dhkzir, reading Qur’an as well as re-developing your trust in Him as your creator.  Allah does love you sister and is waiting for you to pour your heart out to Him…who created you and wishes for you to be happy.  Allah has blessed you with many things sister, please try to also look at your blessings insha’Allah.  Make a list if you need to.

 

Whatever the outcome is concerning having a child, it is already written by Allah and Allah is most merciful.  You may get many children, or you may have none.  Only Allah knows.  There are many childless couples who are very happy and they still love and serve Allah swt, grateful for the blessings they do have.  Insha’Allah sister you will change your mindset to renew and strengthen your love not only for your husband, for Allah but for yourself as well.   Allah loves you sister, and you are precious to Him.  You are in our prayers.