Asalaamu Alaykum Sister,
Oh, I have been where you are. In fact, all these years later, I am still not 100% sure I am making wudu right, but I try my best, and inshaAllah Allah accepts my worship for Him alone. The important thing is to understand why we make wudu, correct our intentions, and ask Allah to help us do better.
The reason there is such a disparity in this topic is because Islam allows various interpretations of things Prophet Muhammad did. Maybe one hadith will say he always washed his ears and neck, while another doesn’t even mention this.
Either we assume he sometimes did and sometimes didn’t, or we assume the people recording his actions just left things out, which is unlikely. In that case, it’s safe to assume that he intentionally left these parts off so that we would not be too burdened believing they were fardh (obligatory).
There are some common mistakes people make in wudu, either from a lack of correct knowledge or lack of adequate ability. These include wasting water, accidentally leaving on nail polish so the water doesn’t touch the nails, not moving jewelry so that water can move under it, and washing too many times. Yes, there is a such thing as too much wudu!
The trick really is to do your best to study what the four recognized madhahab say regarding wudu, how to make it, and what breaks it, and do your level best to fulfill the path that makes the most sense to you. You have a thinking mind for a reason, and Allah promises that His mercy always outweighs His wrath.
I hope this helps. Please keep in touch.