Assalamu alaikum Wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh sister,

 

You really have faced some difficulties in this marriage and whilst all marriages do face their own difficulties, in most cases, it is possible to overcome them, but when there is abuse involved like this it becomes a lot more difficult. Given the nature of the abuse I cannot advise on how you might improve things in the relationship, because it is not acceptable, but I also don’t like to advise divorce I  a situation where I haven’t heard both sides of the story as well as marriage being so valued in Islam, so will instead advise on how to manage your own psychological state to make things easier for you, in sha Allah.

 

In cases where marriage is facing difficulties, I would always advise seeking counselling, even if it looks like divorce is the only way forward. This is so that you will not look back with regrets as you tried everything to make things work and divorce was the absolute last option. In your case, however, you have already taken this step and it did not work out in your favor, and in fact, only made the abuse worse. If you chose to seek a divorce, make sure to surround yourself tithe support from loved ones as it can be very difficult, even in times where it is the best option. Furthermore, remember that seeking a new marriage again doesn’t have to be a burden or difficult so don’t let this thought stop you.

 

Unfortunately, the situation is threatening your faith, but it doesn’t have to if you frame your situation in the best way. Often when people are in a situation that causes them to ask ’why me?’ it makes them feel distant from Allah as they question why? Finding no answer to the question why makes them feel even worse and pushes them away even further. If you search in Islam you can actually find all the answers to why and these answers can be very empowering.

 

• Allah brings trials to those He loves most because it is a chance to purify you from sins
• Remember the amount of suffering the great prophets of Islam went through before us. If it was some kind of punishment, then He wouldn’t have put the best of people through such suffering.
• The suffering will not be forever. It will pass. It will eventually just become a memory
• You will be rewarded for your patience, if not in this life, then the next and not only that, the greater the trial you endure, the bigger the reward!
• In fact, for every wrong that you have faced at the hands of another, you will be given a portion of their good deeds.

Aside from the Islamic answer to this, suffering can be a good way to build resilience and make you stronger and nurture greater levels of emotions regulation and distress tolerance skills. Furthermore, it places you in a situation where you become more aware of your blessings as right now they may seem so few and therefore they are easier to notice and appreciate. This can enhance your level of gratitude and appreciation and to make the most of the blessings you do have.

 

May Allah guide you, strengthen you and reward your patience. May He bring you ease in your difficulties