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Marriage Struggles (Audio Counseling Live Session)

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the previous counseling session about hardships and struggles with your questions!

Due to the counselor’s limited capacity of answering questions, here are the 8 questions that our counselor has provided an answer for.

We apologize for not responding all the other questions.

If you have not received an answer below at this time, please submit your question to one of our upcoming live session.

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Question 1. I’m struggling of the racial thing

Assalaam alaikum i’m trying to go to work I just got hired like two weeks ago,  I am disabled at 15 I had a massive stroke now at 31 years old i’m trying to do my best and I’m a genuine person and I got a big heart but most of the people around here white but I’m black racial slur disrespecting me for no reason and I’m trying to be humble it is so hard to do that sometimes I don’t know what to do and then my house owner racist too and I’m trying not to do something stupid because I need this job because if I don’t have a job I’m being homeless again three times I did this before  I don’t have nobody defend me at all because they going to blame it on me always and it’s not fair I got a godmother is white so I’m not racist at all but you judging me always I have to be patient The same thing my other job and I quit and then I was getting sick and then I had a seizure last year and had I didn’t have a seizure in 15 years but they don’t care and then I was getting sick  so when going to the manager nobody’s going to help me I pray extra prayers and everything i’m trying to be silent

Answer:

Question 2. Insecurities as 2nd wife

Hi . I am the 2nd wide of my husband highly educated and a beautiful person inside out.  I got married last year as per my family choice and pressure. I wasn’t interested in getting married to a already married person(my cousin) but later for their wish and happiness I didn’t say a word and got married and fulfilled their wish . My husband wanted 2nd marriage because he has many problems with his first wife such as she was sceptic, greedy and always making house environmental hell for him. Lots of other stuff also happened like showing pic of a black women to offend my husband telling him to get married to this girl and basically she demanded lots of money and stuff for herself and children and telling him to get married now . I wasn’t interested at first but later on I loved him and always had respect since first day of marriage . My problem is that he treats both wives equally which makes me jealous alot . We are not same in anything ( age , background, education,  upbringing) I am a young person who wants to spend time with husband but she keeps calling him and making him distress and he usually used to ignore her before marriage but now he equally treats us both . I never questioned him for his money property expenses how much he spends there . But she shouts only if he buys me grocery.  I am really emotional and has a tiny heart . I always question him is he loves his 2nd wife why he married me . If I knew what marriage is and close and sensitive I would have never at first listened to my mom and married him . Please guide me how to cure my heart . I used to be a such a positive up to life person but after marriage I am broke and not same anymore.  Its not hard for me to accept the fact my husband has wife and 5 kids but it’s really hard to think he doesn’t love me enough to spend himself and his time only for me . I am  emotionally  bothered by this too much. Note ( he loves me alot but when it’s comes to favor thing he always says no which I hate the most ) because how come a person (2nd wife who is 26 ) and first wife aged 39 and having 5 kids can be same ( emotionally and mentally) . This Hurts me alot he doesn’t know my age requirements and always telling me his problems and stuff ..please guide me in this manner

Answer:

Question 3. Marriage hardship

Assalamu alaikum

My issue is with wife, she doesn’t care about her prayers. She shout at me when I wake her up for Fajr. Before marriage she told me that she is religious. It was an arrangement marriage. She discouraged me from praying while we were on travel. The prayers are never on her schedule, she does it only when everything is perfect.

I am really sad, I ever prayed to gift me a wife she would help me in the way to god. I feel helpless and sad.

In fact  she loves me. But I need a spouse who will lead me to Jannah. This is very hard for me. I can’t divorce her due to society customs and I am not sure I will get another girl as I am financially poor and not handsome. Please pray for me.

Answer:

Question 4. Husbands zina in the past

My husband had a child of zina and wanted to correct it by marrying the mother. They were married two years then divorced. He cheated on her repeatedly and that cheating consisted of fondling other women and having sex with them. The ex received a call from the girlfriends claiming she is pregnant with his child. This ended the marriage.

I did not know of any of this. I was told by him he only shares a child with ex that he never sees.
His daughter told me all this last week in spite for her dad and me to break up. She is 19 and wants to get married but he hasn’t been giving her permission. Therefore she is going out her way to pollute my mind against him.
She has told me explicit and intimate details how he used to come home to her mother. All covered in love bites drunk and drugged up.

He treats taking about his past as haram for me. I am a shaytan for even thinking about his past sins. I cannot help but feel so betrayed. Why couldn’t he just be truthful from the beginning. He knew one day his daughter will do this to me. Always says her mother is bad.
It has left me so insecure. He has had sex with so many different women. I’ve been told I was way out his league and not his type by his daughter.
I am so insecure about myself and left totally broken. I don’t know what to do. We argue all the time. I can’t stand looking at him or him coming anywhere near me without thinking about the past women. My mind is so polluted I don’t know what to do.

Answer:

Question 5. How can I stop masturbating in effective way

I have been doing this bad thing since I was a kid and I feel good after I did it, but when time goes by and I grew up, This habit becomes a solution for me to get rid of anything or like run away from my problems. Also, I have a problem sleeping and I masturbate so I can sleep and I don’t know how come I can solve this problem by doing that.

I’ve tried to delete all the platforms to look for porn and I don’t find it works for me, so do you have another solution for this problem I’m tired of doing it and regretted. I want the quality of life, my life is a mess now.

Answer:

Question 6. Marriage of own choice but mother is not allowing

Assalmualkm.. my age is going to b 29 this november m highly graduate a scholar.. Jobless.. ma parents has been separated when i was 18 .. the issue is that i want to marry a boy who is in our relatives close relative not now but aftr a year and two because he is younger than me we have 8 years age gap he is 21 plus he is studing but not to much intrested in studies n have environment that is different from us but i feel happy with him.. now my mother raised objection on their status education because may education is too much… for them status matter separate home job i also want but i think it happened with time. M very sad confused i dont know what to do i want my mother and him as well because i ll not marry anyone without him.. now tell me what to do to make this situation better that both love each as that boy hate ma mother now .. please what to do..

Answer:

Question 7. My husband has fallen out of love

I had an arange marriage but it looked like a love one to everyone because we qere so happy in the beginning my husband loved me too much he said not to have children but then I wanted one so through out my pregnancy he was very rude with me then after baby he always hurts me and have no intimacy and says that I should leave him so he can marry someone else .. two days it seems everything is good and the third day out of blue he shuts me down and pushes me away and says whatever I do I can’t understand him nor he will like me anyway.. I can’t take divorce and been a good wife but nothing is working out .. I sometimes feel to suicide but then look at my baby

Answer:

Question 8. Zina

My husband is having relation with a women who he use to like before we got married. After 18 years of our marriage , he managed to pay some spy’s good amount of money to find her. Now she is married with three teenage children. When my husband approached her, she was more than welcome to restart their relationship. She is in Pakistan and we are in UK. My husband initially told me they are just good friends but when I read their chat I found out they exchanged “I love you” and talks intimately to each other. I confronted my husband and asked him to stop as this is adultery he said according to him it’s not as we are truly in love and Allah reunited us after 22 years, so it’s Allah’s will. My husband says he is not happy of me because I answer him back, I do that because he gets very angry and be violent for petty issues. I stopped him from adultery because I don’t want him to get punished by Allah swt, but he is refusing. What shall I do?

Answer:

Tuesday, Sep. 27, 2022 | 09:00 - 10:00 GMT

Session is over.
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