Assalamu ‘alaykum. I think someone who likes me is indirectly telling me that he wants to talk to me, Ive learned about it through his posts in facebook. I ignored it of course as I want to stay away from haraam interaction. but as time passes by, I felt bad/ guilty because his tweets in twitter contains pictures implying that he’s drinking alcohol to ease hurt feeling of avoiding him.
I felt bad because I think me ignoring him is making him stay further away from deen. I was waiting for him to ask me first directly through chat to clarify everything and to tell him that there is halal way of approaching someone he likes. But it seems like he still wont start a conversation. Can I just tell him through chat? Like I’ll be the one to initiate the convo. I just want to clarify things. If ever his answer is he just want haraam relationship and doesnt have intention to propose then I’ll just end it there and have more peace of mind. Jazaakallah for listening.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
The first thing I would suggest is to unfriend/unfollow him on all social media! It may seem quite innocent being friends online and following each other but this can easily lead to Haram, arguably more so that being friends face to face. With the thought that noone is watching from behind the screen things could quickly get out of hand. The fact that you are contemplating making one to one contact with him is a step in the wrong direction. If you feel he wants to talk to you and seek marriage then you should not contact him yourself, but could ask someone else to contact him on your behalf. To do so yourself would only open the doors to even more Haram although you may feel that in the beginning by doing the right thing and trying to guide him to do things the right way and masha Allah your intentions are good, but it is a dangerous path to tread and Shaytan can easily take advantage of this. It may be that he himself also misinterprets your communication with him too. Therefore, it is important to keep away from this before things get out of hand by making sure any contact you have with him is in line wit Islamic guidelines. To remove any indirect conta t with him by unfriending/unfollowing him, the temptation will be removed from both of you.
Also, be aware that the way you are interpreting his own behaviour could be entirely wrong. Turning to alcohol, whether he is hurt by your actions or not is not a good sign. You cannot be sure that this is the reasoning behind his actions, but to seek to talk to him because of your own interpretation of his actions is not a excuse to start a conversation with him. If he is turning to alcohol due to mental health issues then you would be a better support to him by expressing your s concern to someone who will be able to help him. You are not the person to do this. As much as you feel guilty and responsible for his actions, he is the one in control of his actions, but you can take responsibility if you wish by other more acceptable means. Likewise, you feel your actions are pushing him away from the Deen, but this is your interpretation of posts you see him put up. There may be a bounty of other reasons why he is like this, but you do not need to take responsibility for this. He is the one in charge of his actions. Again, as with the alcohol, of he needs support in his Deen you can ask someone to offer him a supporting hand in getting closer to the Deen. Additionally, the strongest thing you could do is turn to Allah and ask Him to guide him on the straight path and away from sin.
Just as you wish for him to approach in the halal way of he wants to talk, if you are interested in seeking marriage to him too you can always approach him in the correct way too. You could ask a mahram such as your father or brother to approach him directly and organise a meeting between you with your mahram present. However, do be aware that since you have some history together via online means this might affect your feelings towards him and your judgement over whether he is a good person to marry. The fact that you feel concern and guilt for his feelings already would indicate that this is the case. This is the benefit of having your mahram present as they will be able to judge him without such emotions getting in the way.
May Allah guide you on the straight path and grant you a husband that will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.