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Q&A Counseling Session on Marriage & Engagement (Audio)

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the session.

Please find the 8 questions to which our counselor provided audio answers. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.

Thank you for your understanding.

Question 1. Feeling Stuck Due to Broken Engagement & Weak Connection with Allah

Salam Aliekoum,

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Last year I was engaged and was only few days away from having the kitab done when things ended.

I reflect on what happened and keep blaming myself. I keep saying that she had dodged a bullet (me) because of sins I struggle with. 

After the engagement ended, my mental health tanked and I feel I haven’t made progress.

Feel my connection with Allah was already weak and further damaged after.

I look at myself as someone damaged beyond repair.

This has made it hard for me to return to Allah, and to move forward.

I question if I ever would be able to move forward and find someone new. Biggest concern is bringing this pain into the next relationship.

I’ve had some tell me because it was the first “relationship” that it’s hard, and maybe that you just need to find someone new. In a way I can see that. At times I just want to go back and talk with her to clear the confusions and try to apologize for any wrong I have done to her and her family. She says I didn’t do anything but it was because of some expectations that I guess were not clear.

Either way, I feel that purely because of my very weak connection with Allah and sins I continuously try to stop, it’s not a good idea.

How do I proceed?


Question 2. He Can’t Talk About His Feelings; How to Help Him?

My fiancé and I love each other and planning to get married. Of course, we are taking one step at a time. He is from Senegal. I am from Jamaica. We live and met in New York. My only concern with him is he doesn’t communicate his feelings and stonewalls. He then goes silent. It bothers me tell and I feel ignored?  How can I get him to open up and be vulnerable with me. Or is this a cultural thing?


Question 3. Abortion: Will Allah Forgive Me?

I did an abortion many years ago. Back then I didn’t know that it is similar as murder. I didn’t think it of being a sin. Now I have got to know that it is similar to murder. Will Allah forgive me for my sins if I repent? This is haunting me really very badly.


Question 4. Feeling Tired of My Husband Who Doesn’t Care About Us 

I’ve been with my husband for over 7 yrs. Since we’ve been together, he hasn’t been able to keep a job because of his attitude. I have a three-year-old daughter and she’s down syndrome. He doesn’t work to provide for us, he doesn’t help around the home, he doesn’t care what we have to eat on a daily, he curses me every day and insult me in front of our baby, he has money to buy weed but nothing else, he waits till I ask my family for help to buy food and uses everything but never helps to provide nothing back. We live in a place that had no running water and I beg most the time for help to live. I’m so tired and the only thing keeps me going is my daughter. I need help. I don’t know what else to do and my innocence daughter is seeing everything.


Question 5. My Husband Doesn’t Want to Leave His First Wife 

I’m a person who did mistake I think about marriage. My name is xyz I’m a female age 25 year .
I’m really worried about my matter that is why I’m here and need advice .
Before 3 years my family sent me to another country alone for work I was only 22 and alone there and I was frightened as well because of new country and everything was strange for me.
But after some days I got a men there who was 8 year elder then me I went to him for work I found that person kind and very helpful for me in the other country.
He told me that he is not married and I have been start involved in him and always ask him about marriage but he always refused to marry without any reason.
After some month I found that he is married and one daughter as well I tried to cut off with him but he started explaining that he love me but that was the only reason he refused.
Honestly, I thought not to marry with him because of the other as she is 8 years older than him.
But unfortunately as I told I was alone there and no family support I feel that this is the only person who is sincere with me and he said his relationship with his wife is not good enough and with many other circumstances we done the marriage I was not young enough to understand the things and he also showed me he is not happy with her.
After marriage he said he don’t have any physical relation with her he just want to fulfill her responsibility for her and her daughter and he is having lots of love for her daughter.
But now I told him to tell her first wife about us and I will try to live with her honestly because I fell that my husband doesn’t want to hurt them as well he also realized her responsibility he wants to make them happy as well.
And I want to be with him as well I don’t know how she will accept me or not or our relationship will be good in future or not , I don’t know I will bear her with my husband or not .
But the thing is that he don’t want to leave her or he don’t want to leave me as well but he told me he don’t have any physical relation I told him tell her about us.


Question 6. Husband Is Giving Dawah All the Time; What About Our Children?

Assalamu Alaikum. I need some advice on how to handle our current situation. My husband is part of a dawah team and he goes out every Saturday to give dawah and Subhan Allah also gives training. This past weekend he was busy from Friday. He did dawah on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and I asked him to please give the kids some time as they hardly get to spend time with their dad due to his hectic schedule. So, he promised to spend Monday with them but that never happened. On Monday he told me he had to drop some items off for some of his dawah brothers and he did not return until half an hour before iftar time. He said he got caught up in a discussion about Islam with a non-Muslim gentleman.

I understand his passion and I love him even more for it but it’s upsetting to see my daughter refusing to go to her father and see my son getting distressed whenever his father leaves. They’re too young to understand that their dad does this for Allah. And this isn’t the first instance. It’s happened many times. How should I tackle this because I am feeling angry and extremely frustrated with him and I refused to talk to him because I was afraid of saying something hurtful out of anger.


Question 7. Is My Marriage a Curse or a Blessing?

I am not at all happy with this marriage. Had a love marriage but things changed after marriage. His mother interferes a lot in our marriage. They have yelled at me in front of my husband. And he didn’t do anything. Sometimes he loves me but when this type of situation comes, he leaves me alone and say mom is right. I don’t want to stay with him but I love him. Don’t know what to do?  What Allah wants from me I don’t know. Is my marriage a curse or blessing? Shall I continue it or not? If not where will I go I don’t know? Sometimes I want to end my life but I fear Allah and can’t do it. Please help me out.


Question 8. Feeling Forced to Talk About My Past Sins

I know we are supposed to keep our sins hidden and not expose them. The thing is, what do we do when someone point-blank asks us in our face? I had this happen to me and I nervously laughed and said “you’re not supposed to ask that!” Then they asked me another about a haram thing that I never did. I quickly, without even thinking, said “absolutely not!” They said, “So you DID do that other one? Otherwise, you would’ve gave the same answer.” I confronted this person afterwards & told them how uncomfortable I felt and like they cornered me into an answer. They apologized and said they were just being silly. I don’t find this humorous, if anything it triggers an anxiety in me that my past will haunt me and Allah may not forgive me. I feel some people don’t understand this. I wish I was better at navigating these questions because regardless of what I say I feel like I’ll end up exposing my sins like I just did in the example I gave.


Tuesday, May. 23, 2023 | 09:00 - 10:00 GMT

Session is over.
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