Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

Firstly, just to reassure you many people experience a sense of fear of this sort in a new marriage, both men and women alike, so you are not alone.

 

In this situation, the first thing to consider reasons for pain and fear. This will guide the path that you take in overcoming this difficulty.

 

Regardless of the cause, whether it is physical or psychological the best thing you can do to start is to see a doctor. She will be able to give you a physical examination if it is a physical issue or refer you to psychological intervention if it is a psychological issue.

 

You yourself will have some idea of why you are experiencing fear. Is it just because of the act itself and you fear any pain? Or is it a result of abuse either in the present or in the past?

 

If it is a result of abuse, then seeking counselling to overcome the psychological barriers will make it easier to approach your husband as you address past issues. If it is present abuse, then obviously this is a lot more serious and you need to seek assistance immediately.

 

However, it seems that most likely the issue you are facing here is a fear of pain in doing the act itself. If this is the case, then it is important to not feel pressured as this will only heighten the fear and add to the pain.

 

Only approach it when you are ready to be sure that you are relaxed. When you are relaxed the fear will reduce. If there is anything that helps you to relax then use this Tony our advantage.

 

Tall to your husband about how you are feeling. Perhaps he is even feeling the same too. It might feel uncomfortable, especially since you are just newly married, but remember that now you are married you are also halal for each other and these actions and discussions are now perfectly acceptable and there is nothing to shy away from within the relationship. Of course, do so with modesty, but making it something that is not spoken about, again, will only make it something to fear even more. Remember that it can even be classed as an act of worship especially since it is the only way that you can increase the ummah in a halal way. Keeping this purpose in mind also may make things easier for you too as you look to the ultimate purpose.

 

May Allah bring you ease and make things easier for you.