Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

The situation you are in is very common. Unfortunately, families often want their members to marry from their own culture or tribe without giving any thought to anyone outside of this. This can make things difficult for people like yourself who wish to marry outside.

 

There are a few things to keep in mind about this situation. Your parents can’t force you to marry or not marry the person that they want, and whilst it is important to obey your parents, you don’t have to if they are commanding you against Islam. It may be argued that in this case, they are since Islamically race doesn’t matter, it is taqwa that counts in the sight of Allah, so his race should be irrelevant. However, to disobey them could bring serious problems into your family and so you may consider if it would really be worth disobeying them if it would cause much turmoil and heartache.

 

Furthermore, if they are concerned about the status of your relationship, that is, having haram relations, then they have every right to be concerned for you and your actions. Having fallen into haram solely in terms of having a relationship outside of marriage, regardless of whether you disclose to them your sexual status, may make them even less likely to be happy with you marrying him for fear that he may cause you to slip into further sin.

 

However, these are all things you need to think about yourself when making a choice. Weigh up your options, consider all alternatives and think of the consequences of each. Pray istikhara and ask Allah to guide you to make the best decision. Don’t make a decision in a rush. Take time to consider your options and revisit them time and time again. You might even write them down so you can visually see the comparison of your options and you can add to then as you think of more. Write down the strengths and weaknesses of each option.

 

In this process don’t forget to ask for Allah’s forgiveness, for He loves to forgive.

 

May Allaah guide you to make the best decision and ease relations with your family.