Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh sister,

May Allah reward you for reaching out for assistance with this matter as a way to protect yourself from sinning by backbiting. Let me begin by reassuring you that you have gone about managing this problem in the best way.

You say that you feel she underestimates you and boasts about herself. People often behave like this when their self-esteem is low and they put others down and boast about themself to give themself a boost in self-esteem. Try to see it from this perspective also. Maybe she doesn’t really mean to hurt your feelings by what she’s saying, but it’s just a protective mechanism to help her feel better about herself. Next time she asses such a comment, if you feel comfortable, perhaps let her know that what she said hurt your feelings. Maybe she doesn’t even realise she is hurting your feelings at all.

The fact that you are looking for assistance and feel disturbed that you have these thoughts towards her is a sign that actually you do care about her, otherwise it would not bother you. Sometimes, when people spend too much time together, they start experiencing these feelings that you report.

There a couple of ways you can handle this. You might chose to spend some time apart and you will find that actually you miss her and forget all the irritating things. You will realize that you miss all her good points and being in her company and then when you see her again you will be more happy and less critical in her company.

Take some time to think about all her good points (she must have some, otherwise you wouldn’t be her friend!) and resist thinking about her bad points. Focus on all the good times you have shared together. That could be something you do together even. Talk with her about the fun times you have shared together; laugh together and reminisce over good memories.

May Allah rekindle your friendship and grant you many more happy times together through the support of having a close friend.

Salam,