Dear Brother/Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the session.

Here are the 4 questions our counselor provided an answer for. If you do not find yours below, please submit it again or check the next session.

Thank you for your understanding.

Question 1.What Are the Boundaries of Our Friendship?

I have a friend and we are like best friends and we are in the same class but the school is divided into two sections for boys and girls so we can’t communicate but we can talk on the bus (as we are on the same bus). We don’t touch each other or come near but we speak and annoy each other and talk on Instagram. My question is it haram to talk on Instagram and ask each other about their health and say salam and have a normal talk and if we fall in love with each other at some point so will it become haram but I don’t have any intention of touching her or getting close to her. Is it haram to talk on Instagram like I annoy her to marry me and say that I love her and the real thing is I miss her and don’t wanna lose her and this feeling comes from my heart. Can you please answer this question I am confused.

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Question 2. I Am Not Feeling Loved; What to Do?

I’ve been married for a few years now, and there always been arguments as we come from two different backgrounds. But this was never a reason for me to leave my husband. However not feeling loved has lead me to think about divorce. My husband doesn’t show any type of interest in me or in spending quality with me, he doesn’t compliments me, he doesn’t say I love you unless I tell him and even then he doesn’t look at me when he says it because he’s always on his phone. I always need to go to him to get a hug or a kiss and even then it’s a burden to him because I’m disturbing him (as he’s on his phone) and so he tells me I’m annoying. I’ve tried to go when he’s not on his phone but there is always something “I’m busy I need to do this” or “that” and I would be like it takes you a second to give me a hug. He would then hug me with no love, just for the sake of it. I don’t feel like he cares for me or even rates me , every time I talk or try explain something he says to be quick as I’m “starting to annoy him ”. All I’ve always wanted in my marriage was to be and feel loved, unfortunately I don’t feel this way , which is very important for me as it also affects my way of being with my husband. I tend to not wanting to do things for him or even be nice sometimes and this leads to argument sometimes or more resentment from my side. When I try to be nice and think that he will then be nice and show me love he doesn’t.
I have told him all this but nothing has changed I feel like he doesn’t care about me or our marriage. What am I supposed to do?

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Question 3. How to Overcome Guilt From Past Immoralities

Asalamwalakum, I astarfigirlah went astray 2 years ago, lost my virginity, went out clubbing, wore a bikini and all of this I did while posting it to the public on social media. I’ve recently repented and made tawbah, I wear the hijab now and have tried to delete all evidence of my past. My past not only haunts me with guilt, I am terrified of it being revealed. I cannot utterly believe I was this person and wish I could change the past but I understand it’s done. My fear is that it will be exposed, I will never find a Muslim man that will accept me and that I will always be defined by my past. Any advice/guidance would be appreciated. Jazakalah Kheir

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Question 4. My Mother Got Married to a Non-Muslim; Help!

How do I deal with the situation?

Salam u alaikum
My mother started seeing a non Muslim a couple of years ago and didn’t tell us about it. She would sneak around with him and lie to us for a long time about it. She knew we all disagreed with it and was upset at her actions yet she still did it. Her character and appearance started to become less Islamic it was really hard for us to deal with. We found out that she had married him and things became a lot worse. Us daughters are very uncomfortable with the situation yet my mother continues to spend every night with him and disregard our feeling about the situation because she claims they are now married so they can basically do as they please.
Please can you give me Islamic advice about the situation so that I can provide my mother with reason as her actions aren’t right but she cannot take criticism I am hoping she will listen to Islam.
Thank you, Salam

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Question 5. I Like My Fiancé But Not His Mother, Please Advise!

I recently got engaged to a boy that I have known for 3 years now. Prior to the engagement we both did istikhara and he got a very clear good sign and I didn’t get any clear sign. However things moved on well for us and the families met and we got engaged all fine. We are now in the process of wedding planning but I have only now started to realize traits of his mother and sister that I find quite difficult to get along with. I wouldn’t usually care so much about this but once we are married he would like us to live with his mother as she is alone and he feels he cannot leave her. I have asked him for separate accommodation but he refused and makes me feel like I’m being evil by asking and says ‘what do you want my mum to be alone and depressed?’I now fear marrying him as I am scared that if me and his mother don’t get along in the future he will continue to refuse to give me separate accommodation and I will be stuck in a miserable marriage or given a divorce because he doesn’t want to leave her alone. I did ask him about what he would do if this happened and he hesitated to give me an answer for some time but eventually said he would give me my right to accommodation but I don’t believe he would. I am now in a weird situation where I am still very much in love with this man and can’t think of losing him however I also can’t justify leaving my family and moving into a home where I don’t know if I’ll get any respect. His mum and sister to my face are lovely, there were some issues (regarding things his mum said about my appearance when I first met her) however we have put them behind us. My fiancé is an amazing man, he ticks all the boxes and I can’t imagine my life without him and I think it’s also unfair to him that his mother and sister are ruining his marriage.

I have started to pray istikhara again every night but so far have not received any signs or had any strong intuition towards one choice. Also, I do think I am quite a sensitive person, I over think things a lot and sometimes I only realize later that things aren’t as bad as I thought they once were. The reason I mention this is because my feelings of fear may be due to my overthinking or for other reasons that i don’t know yet.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!

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