Wa `alaykum as-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

 

What you did was a secret liaison; as such, it cannot be ruled as a valid Islamic marriage contract.

 

There is no room for secret marriage in Islam. Marriage for its validity should fulfill certain conditions.

The conditions of marriage as stipulated by Islam can be listed as follows:

1- The consent of the guardian of the woman;

2- Presence of witnesses;

3- Offering and acceptance;

4- And mahr (dower).

Once the above conditions have been fulfilled, the marriage will be deemed as valid; but if these conditions are not met, then it will be considered as being null and void.

 

As far as the consent of guardian is concerned, it can only be dispensed with if the guardian is merely refusing to give permission for considerations other than Islamic, in which case the judge can authorize the marriage after having followed the due process. If, on the other hand, such is not the case and no attempt was made to ascertain the consent of the guardian, then such a marriage would be considered invalid and, therefore, unacceptable in Islam.

 

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “There is no (valid) marriage without a guardian and two reliable witnesses.” (Abu Dawud)

 

By stipulating the conditions mentioned above for the validity of marriage, Islam insists that marriage should remain distinct from other loose and immoral lifestyles such as fornication and illicit affairs. Hence, the Prophet emphasized making unions public.

 

In conclusion, in light of the above, I would urge you to decide for yourself whether you have followed the conditions mentioned above or not.

 

You also have to offer sincere repentance for your illegal relationship with that man.

 

However, parents’ role in the marriage of their daughters is limited to guiding them to choose compatible marriage partners.

 

Compatibility entails a person’s worth in a spiritual and moral sense: the only primary criterion that makes or breaks a marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “If a person of acceptable religion and character presents himself for marriage, marry him, otherwise, there would be widespread sedition and rampant corruption in the land.” (At-Tirmidhi)

 

Therefore, if you made a choice based on the above consideration, then your parents have no right to stop you from marrying the man. Since you are free to choose the food to eat, likewise, it is your choice to decide whom to select as a life-long partner.

 

Therefore, I would urge you to repent for your actions, and then solemnize your marriage by following the necessary steps.

 

You should do it legally through a recognized marriage officer/imam.

 

Allah Almighty knows best.