Dear brothers and sisters,

Thanks for participating with your questions.

Check out the 7 questions our counselor just answered. Didn’t see yours? No worries! Join our next session or resubmit your question for another chance to get advice. Stay tuned for more!

Question 1. Divorce

So, my question is a husband told her wife that do what’s good for you and if you ever feel like you want to leave you can let me know or leave (somewhat similar statement). The Husband used to say it because he has an illness and he didn’t want her wife to sacrifice anything, so he told her that out of emotion. But he is not sure about the intention of his statement at the time he said it. He might have mean feeling bad for wife or just saying it without really wanting it. Because inside him, He knows that her wife would never leave him regardless of anything In Sha Allah. However, after many months or a year later wife ask her husband “give me divorce” in an argument. But Wife mentioned later she didn’t really mean it but rather said it to scare the husband in order for her husband to be agreed on a matter. 

and one more thing is that both were unaware about the fact that divorce could happen with even this kind of statement and without husband mentioning Divorce. Now recently they got to know about it and now concerned whether these statements meant something.

Salam alaikom brother, 

Thank you for turning to us with your concern. However this is the fiqh-Islamic jurisprudence related question about divorce, so I suggest you seek a local scholar, specialized in divorce. Or you can submit your question to our scholar as well.

Furthermore, I will share some links from our site:

Divorce in Islam: Procedures and Rulings Explained

Valid Reasons for Divorce in Islam

These are generic advice not specific to your case but it may help to clarify the situation. The best is to talk to someone who specializes in Islamic divorce cases.

May Allah make it easy for you.

Question 2. Doubt

One of my friend had past then she got married to her cousin and  after 27 years of marriage with kids her husband found out about it that she already left and repented.Her husband and her in-laws are continuously probing into her past and forcing her to accept but she is denying.

If she accepts she will lose her go our and dignity in front of her kids and family.but her husband is forcing her to accept as he has no physical relationship with her since 2 years. What should she do? Leave her husband or accept it.

Salam alaikom,

Thank you for turning to us and explaining the situation. However, I am not sure if I understand it well, therefore it would be compromising to suggest any advice. Please try to resubmit your question with more details. 

Thank you for your understanding.

Question 3. Surgery

My husband wants me to get a BBL. Why would he want me to get surgery? I feel like he’s not satisfied with me and lusting after other girls. I overheard him tell his friend that he thinks I’m not pretty. I don’t feel confident anymore. I feel ugly. His female friends even said I’m not pretty and he never defended me. They harassed me so much and he’s not taking me seriously and being dismissive and gaslighting and saying it’s in my head. He also told me to get a job. I also saw him on a dating app. He told me to let him be. I don’t have any desire to face the outside world anymore. I feel ugly and incompetent. 

Assalamu alaikum Sister,

Thank you for reaching out. I’m truly sorry to hear about what you’re experiencing. Your husband wants you to get plastic surgery if I understand it well. You feel like he’s not satisfied with you and lusting after other girls, and of course that makes you not feel confident anymore in yourself, which is totally understandable sister. I’m really sorry to hear that his female friends said that you are not pretty and he never defended you. 

He’s also dismissing your feelings and gaslighting you, which understandably affects your confidence and self-esteem. 

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge that these feelings of ugliness, incompetence, and lack of confidence are valid reactions to the external mistreatment and verbal/emotional abuse you’ve experienced, according to your letter. When someone close to you, especially our spouse, makes belittling or shaming comments, it can break your trust and sense of self-worth. This is a form of emotional betrayal and can deeply wound your self-esteem.

It’s also essential to recognize that such feelings are not a reflection of your worth but rather the result of the negativity directed toward you. Although sometimes these experiences reinforce past hurts or insecurities, making it even harder to see ourselves clearly. It may be helpful to explore these feelings with a counselor to uncover and challenge any limiting beliefs you might hold about yourself, in sha Allah.

Now, Sister, I want to remind you that beauty and worth are not defined by a single person’s opinion—not even your husband’s. Allah has blessed every one of us with unique qualities, both external and internal, that are admirable and lovable. I encourage you to take some time to reflect and make a list of the traits you value in yourself. It might feel difficult at first, but we all have qualities that make us special. Remember, just because one or two people fail to see your beauty does not mean it doesn’t exist. Beauty and attraction are subjective, and no single opinion should define you.

That said, it’s equally important to surround yourself with people who see and appreciate your worth, who have realistic expectations, and who communicate kindly and respectfully. Your husband’s dismissive and critical behavior is unacceptable. He has a duty, as your spouse, to treat you with kindness and respect. A loving partner should communicate their needs in a supportive, encouraging way, not through criticism or demands. For example, if he has preferences, he could express them in a kind and constructive manner, such as complimenting a style he likes, rather than tearing you down.

I suggest addressing this with your husband calmly but firmly. You can explain how his words and actions have hurt you and ask him to stop diminishing and bullying you. Kindly remind him that resolving issues in your relationship requires mutual respect, understanding, and constructive communication. If he has concerns or preferences, encourage him to discuss them respectfully and to focus on seeking solutions with you rather than looking outward or entertaining the opinions of others. Remind him of the importance of accepting one another as Allah has created us and working on improving oneself rather than criticizing the other.

Finally, Sister, please consider seeking counseling for both yourself and your marriage. Individual counseling can help you rebuild your confidence and self-esteem, while marital counseling or mediation may provide a space for you and your husband to address these issues constructively. 

May Allah make this journey easier for you and guide you toward peace and healing. Always know that through patience and effort, in sha Allah, you can overcome these challenges and find the confidence and self-assurance you deserve.

Question 4. Working Wife

I am.a Christian woman, recently married to a Muslim man. He came on a student visa years ago,however, it expired and he is unable to work.  We are in the process of adjusting his immigration status. In the meantime, I work in the career that I’ve had for 25 years. I don’t make as much money as he will be able to once he’s allowed to work, but it provides for he, I and our combined children. He works odd jobs for cash, and contributes to the household. He doesn’t work full time, as I do, and sometimes I work more than full time hours. He struggles with this greatly as he is a good Muslim man and desires to.provide for our family, and wishes for me to become a stay at home mom and wife. He doesn’t understand that I also wish it.was him working and not me, but I have NO problem doing this while he isn’t able to.  How can I help to ease his heart and let him know that he is the head of our household no matter his employment status?.

Assalamualaikum Sister,

Thank you for turning to us and sharing your situation. You’ve explained that you are a Christian woman recently married to a Muslim man who came on a student visa, which has now expired. This has left him unable to work, though he greatly desires to provide for your family. For the time being, you are the one supporting him and your combined children. You mentioned that he struggles with this, as he is a good Muslim man who wishes to fulfill his duty of providing, and he hopes for you to become a stay-at-home mom and wife in the future.

He doesn’t understand that you also wish it was him working and not you but you have no problem doing this. I’m not sure I understand what this means: what I understand is that he can only contribute to finances but he’s not able to provide for all. Doesn’t he accept this situation? How does this manifest? 

You are in the process of adjusting your immigration status so I guess he expects that this is a temporary situation. That’s true that from a Muslim husband usually it’s a kind of expectation that he has to manage all the provision for the family. The woman can contribute if there is a need, etc., but he has to feel capable of doing that.

And doubts being capable enough can leave a man in a vulnerable situation, when temporarily or permanently, he’s unable to fulfill his role and duty. This can be a significant trial for him, as it can challenge his sense of purpose and identity as a man and provider.

How can you support him?

It’s important to remember that this is ultimately a test from Allah for him. It is his faith, intentions, and efforts that will be evaluated by Allah, who knows his heart and struggles. Encourage him to view this as a temporary challenge, not as a reflection of his worth or ability as a man. Remind him that his value as a good Muslim husband is not solely tied to financial provision; he has many other roles and duties to fulfill in the family. By focusing on those areas, he can continue to feel empowered and capable.

On a practical level, you can support him in a way that fosters his confidence and role in the family:

Involve Him in Financial Decisions
Even if you are currently earning and managing the finances, try to involve him in the decision-making process. Discuss expenses together and seek his input. For example, you might consult him about larger purchases or adjustments to the budget. This can help shift the dynamic from an “I” to a “we” approach, where he feels included and valued despite the current situation.

Practice Patience
If there are expenses he would prefer to wait on until he can provide for them himself, consider respecting his wishes. Helping him in this context doesn’t mean paying it instead of him but rather showing patience and understanding until he can take on the responsibility himself. This might help him feel more empowered rather than replaced.

If you are used to being financially independent and making individual decisions, consider how you can adjust this for the sake of partnership. Relying on each other and making joint decisions can strengthen your bond and help him feel more secure in his role as a husband.

Addressing Future Plans

From what you’ve shared, it seems there may also be a potential conflict about future roles, as he wishes for you to become a stay-at-home mom, but you’re unclear about how this will be feasible given the current situation. It might help to have an open discussion about his long-term plans and how he envisions your family’s future once his work situation improves. 

Sister, this is a challenging time, but with mutual understanding, patience, and reliance on God, you can navigate it together. Reassure your husband that this situation is temporary and doesn’t define him as a man or a provider. Encourage him to maintain his efforts and faith, and remind him that a good Muslim husband is defined by much more than financial provision.

May Allah make this test easy for both of you!

Question 5. Seeking Guidance About My Marriage and Struggles with My Husband

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,

I am writing here to seek advice about a deeply painful and confusing situation in my marriage. I am a 21-year-old revert and I married my husband five months ago. He is 20 years old, originally from India. 

When I first met him, his faith, modesty, and strong Islamic values inspired me to learn about Islam. He was the reason I reverted, and I proposed to him because I believed he would be the best partner for this life and the hereafter. I embraced Islam wholeheartedly, and now I wear the niqab and have completely distanced myself from my past life. My husband presented himself as self-employed, earning through stock market investments, and we lived a modest and humble lifestyle.

However, everything changed recently when I discovered that my husband is actually a crypto multi-billionaire. Despite his incredible wealth, he initially appeared to have distanced himself from it, living modestly and prioritizing his faith.

The situation worsened when he found some intimate photos from my past life before I reverted to Islam. I am deeply ashamed of that part of my life, which I have completely left behind since embracing Islam. When he found those photos, he didn’t confront me or say anything harsh, but I could sense his heartbreak and the growing distance between us.

He told me he was going abroad for a few days for work, but shortly after leaving, his behavior changed drastically. A couple of days later, I saw his WhatsApp status showing him, dressed in expensive suits, wearing a watch worth millions, and driving luxury cars. He also posted photos dining at high-end restaurants with other women, showing bills worth tens of thousands of dollars. This is completely unlike the man I married—the man who inspired me to revert to Islam with his humility, faith, and modesty.

Later, I came across an email he sent to a sheikh, where he expressed how heartbroken he was about my past. He said he could not bring himself to hurt me with harsh words but was considering giving me talaq respectfully. He mentioned that he would provide me to support myself until I remarried, adding that he does not plan to marry anyone else in the future and would instead focus on enjoying his wealth.

I am devastated and unsure of what to do. I love him deeply and want to save our marriage. I understand that he feels hurt and betrayed by my past, even though it was before I embraced Islam, and I feel immense guilt for how it has affected him.

I have a close relationship with his parents. His parents have always loved and accepted me wholeheartedly as a revert Muslim. They have told him to forgive my past, reminding him of the importance of mercy and understanding in Islam. His father, whom he deeply respects, has a strong influence on him. I am considering reaching out to his parents for support and even traveling with them to try and resolve this situation. However, I fear this might create more tension.

I need guidance on how to approach him and show him that our marriage is worth saving. How can I remind him of the love and commitment we shared? How can I address his pain and convince him that I have completely left my past behind? Should I involve his family, and if so, how can I do this in a way that fosters healing instead of creating more conflict?

Please make dua for us, and if anyone has advice or experience with similar situations, I would greatly appreciate your guidance.

Salam alaikum, dear sister,

Thank you for sharing your concern. I notice that this might be an AI-generated /refined question, so I am not entirely sure about its authenticity, but I will do my best to provide a helpful answer.

You mentioned that you are a revert sister who married an Indian man. His faith, modesty, and strong Islamic values inspired you to learn more about Islam, and he played a main role in your decision to revert, mashallah. Like everyone, you have a past, which you’ve left behind masallah. I am happy to hear about your progress and commitment, may Allah keep you steadfast on this path, ameen.

It seems that your husband recently discovered some old images from your past, which has deeply hurt him and created a distance in your relationship. You also found an email he sent to a scholar expressing his struggle to move on and mentioning his consideration of divorce. You feel devastated, as you love him deeply and want to save your marriage. You also feel guilt over how your past has impacted him. 

Additionally, you’ve noticed a surprising contradiction in his character—he exhibits strong Islamic modesty but also has significant wealth and perhaps uses it in ways that seem contradicting those values.

So there are two things here. First I’m addressing the second part. Regarding crypto, I’m not a scholar so I’m not going to address that part of the question, but you can write to our scholar here.

What I can tell is that having wealth in Islam it’s not “prohibited”. But how it is earned and spent matters. What is important is that his wealth is used responsibly, in ways that please Allah. It is also recommended not boasting about our charities in order to keep it free of showing off. So not knowing anything about his wealth may or may not be a red flag. But if you are unsure about how he manages his money or feel there is a lack of transparency, this might be an important topic to discuss during counseling. 

Addressing His Reaction to Your Past

If he was aware of your background as a non-Muslim living in the West, and chose to marry you, then it is unfair to revisit and judge your past now. Regardless of whether he has seen any images prior or not, he should be fair enough not to bring it back to the present because that was a commitment or a compromise on his part as well. 

If personal insecurities, feelings of betrayal or other issues start coming up, the question is how does he respond to those triggers and come to terms with the fact that your past no longer defines you. It is not who you are now, and who he married, and he must focus on the present and the person you have become. While it is natural for such discoveries to be triggering, his ability to manage this without letting his nafs take over is a key to overcoming this test. Alone, or with the help of a professional, there is nothing wrong with seeking support in these cases. 

What can you do?
Sit down with him and express your love for him and your desire to save the marriage. Be honest about how his reaction has hurt you and how it feels unfair to be judged for something you have left behind. Emphasize your transformation and commitment to living a life pleasing to Allah.

Marriage counseling is a possible way to address the situation constructively. A counselor can help both of you navigate these emotions, build trust, and find common ground. This can also provide a safe space to discuss your feelings about his apparent contradictions, and how they impact the marriage.

Address Your Concerns Respectfully
It seems that he also had some hidden secrets, even from the present. If you feel surprised or betrayed by aspects of his past or present that you were unaware of, it’s important to address these feelings too. Open and respectful dialogue about these issues can help you both better understand each other’s perspectives and rebuild trust.

Show Support and Patience
Let him know you are willing to support him as he works through his feelings. At the same time, encourage him to rely on Islamic teachings that emphasize forgiveness and looking forward rather than dwelling on the past.

Trust in Allah’s Plan
While you do everything possible to save the marriage, put your trust in Allah. If, despite your efforts, the marriage cannot be saved, and he chooses divorce, believe that it is ultimately for your own good. Allah may be protecting you from something you cannot see now, but in the long term, it will be better for you.

If reconciliation is possible, it will require effort, patience, and mutual understanding. If not, trust that Allah has a better plan for you, and you will find peace and blessings in whatever path He chooses for you.

Question 6. Potential Marriage

I’m a 22-year-old male looking for marriage. My parents have found a potential match, who is the only child of her parents. We are currently in the talking stage. However, I’ve observed some unusual behavior from her mother. She never allows my sisters to interact with her daughter, and our meetings are always formal and rigid.

I found this behavior suspicious, so I decided to look up the girl’s social media profiles. She doesn’t have Instagram or Snapchat accounts, but I found her TikTok ID. What I saw shocked me – she follows numerous accounts related to black magic, love spells, and other similar topics.

I’m now scared and confused. I’m worried that she might be involved with someone else or that her parents are deceiving me. I’m unsure about how to proceed with this potential marriage.

Should I confront her or her parents about my concerns and ask for the truth? Or should I start looking for other potential matches?

Salam alaikum brother,

Thank you for sharing your concern. You mentioned that you are currently in the talking stage with a potential match found by your parents. However, you’ve observed some unusual behaviors, particularly from her mother, who restricts interaction with your sisters and keeps your meetings formal and rigid.

You also discovered her TikTok account, where she follows pages related to black magic, love spells, and similar topics, which has understandably made you feel scared and confused. Now, you are unsure whether to confront her or her parents about your concerns or to start looking for other potential matches.

First, I want to assure you that you are approaching this with the right intentions. It’s natural to want clarity in such an important matter as marriage. Here’s how I recommend proceeding, step by step:

Since you are still in the talking stage and getting to know each other, you have every right to ask questions and seek clarity about things that concern you. However, confrontation does not need to be interrogative or accusatory. Instead, approach the matter in a respectful and calm manner.

You could ask her open-ended questions instead of seeking yes or no answers, to understand her perspective and intentions, such as:

• “What are your thoughts on topics like black magic or love spells?”
• “I came across your TikTok account and noticed some of the pages you follow. Can you tell me more about why you follow them?”

These questions allow her to explain her views without feeling attacked. At this point you do not know her reasons, she may follow accounts out of curiosity, ignorance or for other innocent reasons, and it’s important to give her a chance to clarify before jumping to conclusions.

While black magic and related practices are prohibited in Islam, simply following such accounts is not evidence that she or her family is involved in them. It’s essential to separate the suspicion from concrete evidence, and the best way to do it is through a sincere talk. That said, if following these accounts is a deal-breaker for you, you are within your rights to make that decision.

You’ve also mentioned that their interactions are very formal and rigid. This could be a reflection of their family culture and again, a possible dealbreaker for you, depending on your priorities. If you feel it’s creating unnecessary barriers to getting to know each other in a halal manner, try to address it. You can involve your parents to remind them gently that while you respect Islamic guidelines for modesty and boundaries, the pre-engagement process also allows for open and sincere conversations to determine compatibility. If they remain overly rigid or closed off, this could be a red flag, and you can choose to decline.

If, after speaking to her and her family, you are not satisfied with the responses or feel uneasy about their sincerity, you have the right to look for other potential matches. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and it’s crucial to feel confident in your choice of a partner and her family.

At the same time, remember to maintain good adab (manners) throughout the process. If you choose to end the discussions, do so respectfully, without making accusations or assumptions. 

May Allah guide you in making the best decision for your deen, your future, and your peace of mind. Whatever the outcome, trust that Allah’s plan for you is always for your benefit.

Question 7. My Wife Contacted Another Man Behind My Back, What Should I Do?

I found out my wife had this extra attention on our doctor’s life. She talked about him a lot and about the things he shared on his instagram account to the point I started to feel uncomfortable. I told her how I felt about this and she responded defensively acting like a victim because I didn’t trust her. That was last year.

Just a few days ago I found out that she had been sending private messages to the doctor, replying to his Instagram stories, etc. It looked like my wife had been trying to start a small talk with him. Fortunately, the doctor never replied but it hurts and sad to see my wife kept trying from time to time. I can’t shake the feeling that she has feelings towards this man since she doesn’t try to stay away from him even after our fight last year.

I confronted her about this. She said sorry and unfollowed his account. But until now I still can’t look at my wife knowing that if the doctor had replied, they would have been cheating by now. One side of me saying that I’m over reacting about this, but the other side of me saying that she could do this again with someone else in the future. Not to mention I still feel betrayed and dishonored.

I don’t want my children to grow up in a broken home so divorce is not an option. But I also don’t know how long I can go on in a marriage where I feel disgust towards my wife. Please give me advice. Thank you in advance.

Salam alaikum brother,

Thank you for sharing your concern regarding your wife. Last year, you noticed that your wife was giving extra attention to your doctor, frequently talking about him and his posts on Instagram, to the point where it made you uncomfortable. When you expressed your feelings, she reacted defensively and felt as though you were accusing her of being untrustworthy.

Recently, however, you discovered that she had been sending private messages to him and replying to his Instagram stories, which, while a public action, still hurt you deeply. From your account, it seems the doctor never responded, but it saddens you to see that your wife continued trying to engage with him despite the argument you had last year. Now, even though she has apologized and unfollowed his account, you are struggling with the thought that if the doctor had replied, it could have led to infidelity.

First of all, I understand your feelings, brother. It must be painful and disappointing to witness such behavior from someone you love and trust. It is natural to feel betrayed and dishonored in this situation. However, I want to gently remind you that the assumption that she would have cheated if he had replied is a worst-case scenario, not necessarily the truth. It’s important to avoid catastrophizing the situation, even when your emotions are valid and raw.

Your wife did take steps that were wrong by reaching out to the doctor. This behavior was inappropriate, and it is good that she has acknowledged it and apologized. Unfortunately, the trust between you has been shaken, and you are wondering whether this could happen again.

While it’s understandable to feel conflicted—one part of you wants to believe her apology, and another fears this might repeat—this situation is ultimately about rebuilding trust. Alhamdulillah, no further harm occurred, and in sha Allah, your wife is sincere in her repentance.

It would be good to know your overall relationship and what is the background context. Her actions, while hurtful, might stem from personal struggles or even unspoken issues in your relationship. It’s also possible that her behavior was not about you directly—your honor, manliness, or worth—but rather a personal test for her. Allah knows best what her emotions or intentions were.

On the other hand, if there are underlying issues in your relationship that may have contributed to this, addressing them openly and constructively is important. This can also help you both avoid misunderstandings, improve trust and move forward.

Seek Counseling

I strongly suggest seeking the help of a marriage counselor or mediator to facilitate these conversations. This way, the discussions can be guided and productive rather than escalating into arguments. With a counselor, you can explore her intentions, your feelings of hurt, and any unmet needs or concerns within your marriage.

This is an opportunity to rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship. By focusing on expressing love, understanding, and attention towards one another, in sha Allah, you can create a more secure and fulfilling bond.

Brother, your feelings are completely valid, and it’s normal to feel hurt and confused in this situation. If you are committed to saving your marriage and working through these challenges, I encourage you to take action and invite her to join you. Forgiveness and understanding can lead to healing, and through counseling and open communication, you can rebuild the trust that has been shaken.

May Allah make this process easy for you, and strengthen your marriage, ameen!