Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

 

One of the major objectives of marriage is to achieve this type of friendship and companionship. The Quran named a wife ṣāḥibah which literally means a companion. Some couples misunderstand qawāmah. They literally explain it as authoritarian leadership.

 

Qawāmah is leadership which comes as a consequence of some intrinsic features of man such as power and authority in addition to his ability to spend of his wealth. It is a responsibility. Being a leader or a person in responsibility does not conflict with having intimate and friendship relation with those who are under his authority.

 

The best role model for us is the Prophet (peace be upon him) who used to ‘keep himself busy with serving his family,’ Al-Aswan asked `A’ishah what did the Prophet (peace be upon him) use to do at home. She replied. “He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for the prayer, he would get up for prayer.” (Al-Bukhari) He further had to race with ‘A’ishah twice.

 

Furthermore, `A’ishah narrated that once she saw Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) at the door of her house while some Ethiopians were playing in the mosque (displaying their skill with spears). Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) was screening her with his Rida’ so as to enable her to see their display. (`Urwa said that `A’ishah said, “I saw the Prophet (peace be upon him) and the Ethiopians were playing with their spears.”)

 

He also used to amuse his wives by telling stories and staying with them chatting during night. He was not bored to hear the story of Umm Zar` from `A’ishah which is a lengthy and literary piece of narrative.

 

Almighty Allah knows best.