Wa`alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

 

Divorce is not valid only when pronounced in a sober state of mind. Divorce uttered in a state of drunkenness or extreme anger is not deemed as valid.

 

For details, let me cite here one of my previous answers:

 

“If you never cherished the intention of divorcing your wife and never contemplated divorcing her and you made the above statement in an extreme state of anger, then it cannot be deemed as a valid divorce. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “Actions are reckoned by their intentions”. Moreover, you state that you made the statement in an extreme state of anger: The Prophet, peace be on him, is reported to have said, “There is no (valid) divorce in an extreme state of anger”; this is due to the fact that in an extreme state of anger, a person is not in his right mind; rather he may be unsure and unaware of his words or actions. In this sense he no different than a drunkard whose actions are not considered valid in Islam. Since marriage in Islam is a solemn contract, it cannot be considered as being broken by such whimsical words and actions that do not represent any premeditated intention on your part.

 

So don’t consider yourself divorced from your wife simply based on such thoughtless remarks or statements; rather ask forgiveness of Allah and be resolved never to indulge in such reckless statements or actions. It may be a good idea to expiate your mistake by offering some charity to the poor. You may give any amount that you can afford to the poor by way of charity.

 

After having said this, I must caution you against indulging in such impulsive behaviour in future. It is important that you keep in mind the following:

 

1) You must learn to manage your anger: Remember anger is the vehicle of Satan; unless we learn to control our anger, we may end up saying or doing things we feel sorry for later. This is why the Prophet, peace be upon him, advised a man who had come to ask him for advice saying, “don’t get angry”; when the man repeated the same question three times, the Prophet repeated his answer three times. What the Prophet meant was we are not to allow ourselves to be carried away by our anger to do things that are either sinful or undesirable; rather we must restrain ourselves against such actions by realizing the ugly nature of anger.

 

2) Divorce is the most abominable of all permissible things in the sight of Allah. This is why the Prophet, peace be upon him, said that Satan will send his troops to seduce children of Adam in diverse ways every day; when they return to him to report their day’s work he salutes especially those who have succeeded in splitting a man and his wife. So never allow yourself to succumb to the temptations of Satan. Rather cherish your marriage and foster it.

 

3) It seems to me that you are unable to balance your duties towards your spouse with the duties you owe towards your parents, brothers and sisters. You should not compromise one for the other; you should give each one his/her due. You must know that they are not identical in nature, rather each is different from the other;

 

4) Often times, due to ignorance, parents, brothers and sisters interfere in the marriage of their sons or brothers; they may simply be jealous of their in-law or harbour some kind of malice towards her, and then they may incite him against her; it is therefore the duty of the man to deal with the situation wisely; he should never neglect the dark side of human nature and never allow himself to be carried away by their stories against her. He needs to be firm and resolute in making them understand that they cannot interfere in his marriage. Otherwise, he may end up doing injustice (zulm) towards his wife; remember zulm is one of the worst of crimes in Islam.

 

5) If there are issues between you and your wife that are outstanding and you are not able to sort them out you should resort to counselling. If you can find qualified and knowledgeable people who have experience in counselling get their help. That is the way to deal with the issues in marriage rather than by resorting to emotional outbursts and using the word of talaq to intimidate or take revenge. Using the words of talaq in this way is akin to jesting with the laws of Allah which are instituted for the purpose of restoring justice, equity and balance in settling human affairs.

 

May Allah guide all of us to the truth in our words and actions and may He save us all against the evil inclinations embedded in our nature-aameen.”