If you did forge an illicit relationship with a guy you ought to repent and seek forgiveness of Allah. By failing to do so, you are prolonging your misery and agony. Remember that sins would take away peace of mind and drag us further and further into grief and anxiety.

 

I would therefore urge you to forge the past and look to the future. The door of repentance is wide open; once you are willing to turn to Allah in repentance, He will forgive you and then you can seek His favors through good works and prayers.

 

Allah Almighty knows best.