Wa `alaykum as-salamu wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

 

You are simply inviting misery by dwelling on your past infatuation with the guy. You are a married woman with kids. By walking away from your marriage to go after this man you dated in the past you will be destroying not only your life but the lives of your children and your husband.

 

You should speak to your physician who may refer you to a professional who can help you overcome  this dangerous infatuation and find ways of healing.

 

You should also seek repentance. Remember, life of this world is transient; and we all will be accountable for our thoughts, behaviour and actions. If you believe in eternal life, you should forget your sinful liaison with this man and try to strengthen your marriage life and devote your precious time in providing nurturing care of your children.

 

You cannot walk away from marriage by saying you did not agree to the marriage.

 

I pray to Allah to inspire us all to act rightly in ways that are pleasing to Allah.

 

Allah Almighty knows best.