As salamu alaykum sister,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session. As I understand your question, you are self-conscious about your body, your medical issues as well as being able to perform sexually when you get married. You are also concerned about a future husband possibly leaving you or taking a second wife. Due to frustration. My dear sister, you are indeed worrying very much. It is understandable that you would be nervous when thinking about marriage and the future, it is a normal reaction!

 

However, I do encourage you to take one thought at a time and analyze it. I kindly suggest that you start a journal sister. Take each issue that you are concerned with and write it down. Under that issue, write about what it’s about it that worries you and how can you overcome this feeling. For instance, you fear a husband may not like your body. Why not? Write down what he may not like and then follow up with a positive reality such as “I love my body, so will my new husband”. Self-love is important sister and it seems that all your concerns revolve around self-love. Self-love is not being conceited or stuck up, it is appreciating what Allah has created-which is you!

 

When two people get married it is always a learning and growing process that takes time. I am sure your future husband-whoever he may be is worried about things too, such as his hair or if his muscles are big enough or if he can please you in bed. As humans we are not perfect, no one is but we can learn to love ourselves and our spouse in all our imperfectness and be happy!

 

Insha’Allah sister, build up your self-esteem and start to develop confidence in who you are a beautiful young pious Muslima. Your imperfections are human, we all have them. When your mom proposes a certain man and you meet him, you may be surprised to find that you feel comfortable and safe in his presence. You may also feel like a flower in bloom! That is what is so beautiful about marriage sister, it is two people coming together for the sake of Allah and growing together. In this type of marriage, your fears will fall away. So please do think of marriage in a happy way sister for it is a gift from Allah and you are a gift from Allah as well-to a lucky future husband!

 

We wish you the best.