As salamu alaykum brother,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session. As I understand your concerns, you are a Muslim man who is married and you’re going to have a child soon. You stated that when you were 18 you fell in love with a Hindu girl who was your student. You felt that she loved you too, but you didn’t accept you as you were her sir. You said you waited ten years for her as you loved her very much. According to you, she, later on, got married to a nice Muslim guy. You also got married to a nice Muslim girl who is now pregnant with your child.

 

You wrote that you’re still in love with that girl and that you can’t stop being in love with her. You also stated that she recently “joined your class for further studies and that’s how you got to know that she is unhappy in her marriage”. You state that you can see in her eyes that “she is still in love with you”. You said that she shared all her problems and cried in front of you. Brother, you also feel that you want her to always be happy and you don’t want to lose her, that you want her for the rest of your life.

 

Brother, there are a lot of problems with what you are feeling. First of all, what you’re going through emotionally is based on a fantasy of being with her because you don’t actually know her that well. You met her when you were young and she was your student. It appears that this is a crush that has consumed you. Insha’Allah you need to see these feelings for what they are, fantasies. In life sometimes we can meet other people who strike a feeling in us that we cannot let go of and we, therefore, think it must be love-that we should be with this person. In reality what often happens is that we are in a vulnerable or open state of mind and what we feel becomes magnified. It becomes so magnified that as we keep thinking about it, it soon stimulates the hormones and neuro-hormones in our brain which in turn stimulates the “feel good” chemicals. It then becomes a sort of an addiction-thinking about this person and how much we love them. We can’t let go, we just get high on these feelings and think it is about that particular person when in fact it is not.

 

Brother, I kindly suggest that you try to refocus your thoughts and attention to your wife and child. While you said this girl from your past told you of her bad marriage and cried, it actually means nothing. She is in a vulnerable place and you are a familiar face. Please do not fall into the trap of thinking there is a deep love between you. By following this illusion you can lose a real and solid love which is your wife and child. Your wife and your baby are a beautiful reality. This girl is just a fantasy brother. I highly recommend that you try to look at your wife with the same emotions that are stirred when you think about this girl. Your wife is carrying your child. Your wife is the one who sacrificed her life to marry you, not the Hindu girl. In fact, the Hindu girl refused to marry you.

 

Insha’Allah brother you will look at this situation for what it is and begin to put your love, passion, and energies into the family that Allah blessed you with, which is a reality. Following this girl who is an illusion will only lead to heartache, pain and disappointment. I am confident that insha’Allah you will make the right decision! We wish you the best.