As salamu alaykum sister,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session.  I am sorry to hear about your problems with your husband.  I can imagine his harsh treatment of you is very upsetting and hurts you very much.  I am so sorry you are going through this, may Allah bless you sister and grant you ease in this situation.

 

As you stated your husband starting smoking weed and hanging out with friends who were non-Muslim as well as not healthy friends to be with, this is where the problems may lie.  I do not know for sure but there does seem to be a correlation as you stated for 6 years things were pretty good between you.

 

I would kindly suggest sister that you do find a place to stay, perhaps at your family’s home or a relative or friend.  As you have lost a baby in addition to his callous and harsh treatment, you need time for yourself in a stress-free environment wherein you can sort out your feelings and heal insha’Allah.  I also recommend that you seek out counseling sister to deal with the trauma you have been through as well as help you sort out your options regarding this marriage.  A separation may wake him up and lead him back to the path of Islam or it may not affect him, thus leaving him where he is – in a state of haram.

 

I would kindly suggest that if you do separate, that you tell him you love him but that you feel you both need time to decide what you want from each other and from life.  I would limit contact with him until you have had time to think things over and insha’Allah get counseling.  Use this time as well, to get closer to Allah by reading Qur’an, doing dhkir, making duaa as well as going to the Masjid.  Insha’Allah sister attend Islamic events in your area which will be uplifting and healing.  Do some fun social things with the sisters so you can regain a balance in your life.  All of these things serve to increase our iman as well as help us through the trials in this life.  By increasing your worship of Allah, you will be able to see things clearer and receive the blessings from Allah to guide you on the right path.  This is especially important regarding the contemplation of divorce.

 

Should your husband desire to return to Islam and treat you with mercy, love, and kindness you may want to give him another chance.  If he does not, then you can be confident that Allah in His mercy has a better one for you.  As Allah created marriage to be a union of mercy, kindness, and protection, we are not expected to be married to one who refuses to submit.  While Allah does hate divorce, divorce is an option for you given the circumstances.

 

Please do consider a separation from him, limit your contact with him during this time and utilize this period to heal, to think about what it is that you truly want and most important as a time to increase your Islamic knowledge,  increase your worship and strengthen your relationship with Allah.  Insha’Allah the rest will fall into place, how it should be.   Allah knows best.  You are in our prayers, please let us know how you are doing.