As salamu alaykum,
Shokran for writing to our live session sister. As I understand, you are being bullied and harassed at work . I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. How cruel. I imagine it is most hurtful sister and causes you to not even want to work there. You should not have to put up with being bullied and harassed sister.
Sister, our world is filled with bullies-people who take pleasure in harming others, how sick. Those who bully in order to self-validate themselves due to low self-esteem. Sister, please don’t ever lose sight of who you are, how wonderful and capable you are despite the bullies. I admire your resolve in staying as long as you have, however perhaps you need to think about a change insha’Allah as this is not a healthy situation for you.
Sister you stated that you did istikhara prayer for an answer relating to your job and the bullying. You stated you received a clear answer to stay. I am wondering what the clear answer was? Even though you feel you received a clear answer, you are still being bullied and harassed by your colleagues. Sister even though you feel that you got a clear answer you may have introjected feelings why you were praying. According to AboutIslam (1) “Istikhara guides you to the path best for you concerning an affair with two lawful options. In matters that are obligatory, forbidden or disliked there is no need to pray Istikhara”. I would like to point out sister that bullying and harassment can be a form of oppression and oppression is a thing that is not liked, and hence does not require Istikhara. As you did make istikhara prayer, realize that results can take many forms. “Basically, you go by your feelings, whether you now feel more favorable or not. Also, you may notice events have changed, either for what you have expected or not.” When you got the results sister did you feel good? Did you feel things would change? Have things gotten better or worse at the job? The outcomes (such as what you are experiencing now) may be an answer. Please do consult our “Ask the Scholar” section for a more precise answer regarding this.
Tests and Trials
Oftentimes sister we are tested in this life as you know. Perhaps if you wait out the bullying and harassment it will stop, and you will be elevated to a higher position. Perhaps this will not be the case. Perhaps it will only get worse and it will wear you down even further. Regarding peoples who are oppressed or suffering conditions, Allah says that he will not change the condition of a people unless they changed the conditions within themselves. In your case this may mean changing jobs or actively seeking to stop the bullying, which may be difficult.
Sister, you may feel that you are supposed to stay in the situation and perhaps you are not. Perhaps you are to change the situation within yourself and seek another job. Allah does not want us to be bullied and harassed and harmed. Often times as stated, we will go through tests and trials that have different outcomes. Perhaps the outcome from this one would be that you got a different job. Perhaps the other outcome would be that you persevered, utilize patience and the bullying and harassment stopped and you got promoted. It is difficult to tell. The one thing that is apparent is that it is harming you. The one thing we can do in situations like this is trust in Allah and use our common sense when evaluating the situation and make choices which are good for us and our deen.
At this point you may want to explore other job options. You may wish to utilize this time to also learn how to effectively respond to bullying and harassment. Please see The Balance Careers (2). You can choose to stand up to it, file a complaint with your boss and or the company. Whatever you choose, just know that Allah does want you to be safe and happy and not have to go through such persecution. Please do decide whether or not you would like to stay or leave the position you are in. We do have choices in life. Explore your choices, make duaa and make an informed decision.
Safety in Allah
Sister, please consider getting a different job or addressing the bullying so you can have peace. Your health and safety are important. Make duaa to Allah for guidance and protection and recite Ayat Al Kursi. This is a powerful ayat which provides protection and safety. “It was narrated from Abdullah ibn Ubayy ibn Kab that his father told him that he had a vessel in which he kept dates. He used to check on it and found that the number was decreasing. So, he kept guard on it one night and saw a beast that looked like an adolescent boy. He said: I greeted him with salams and he returned my greeting, then I asked him, “What are you, a jinn or a human?” He said, “A jinn.” I said to him, “Show me your hand.” So, he showed me his hand, and it looked like a dog’s paw with dog’s fur. I said, “Do all the jinn look like this?” He said, “I know no one among the jinn who is stronger than I.” I said, “What made you do what you did [i.e., taking the dates]?” He said, “We heard that you are a man who loves charity, and we wanted to have some of your food.” Ubayy asked him, “What will protect us from you?” He said, “This verse, Ayat Al-Kursi.” Then the next day he [Ubayy] went to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and told him (about what had happened) and he said, “The evil one spoke the truth” (3). You are in our prayers sister, we wish you the best.
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.