Wa `alaykum as-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

 

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

 

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

 

Your parents are wrong in treating you the way you have described. And your lack of confidence and self-esteem may be a direct result of their constant abuse.

 

However, now that you are an adult you should be able to break this pattern. As a doctor by training, you should know that there may be professionals in behavior therapy who can help you. I would urge you to seek their help.

 

Now coming to the issue of hating your mother, my answer is you should never do that for reasons of emotional and spiritual health.

 

You should empower yourself and say: that is how they are; they are responsible for their behavior; as for my husband and me we will try to stand on a high moral ground and thus never allow their behavior take away your peace of mind. Instead, I will choose to forgive them.

 

While doing this, I am not saying you allow them to make decisions for you. You don’t have to do that. As adults you have the right to make decisions for yourselves; by keeping them out from your personal choices, you are not in any way being abusive towards them.

 

Allah Almighty knows best.