Question 3

Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh brother,

 

As you have mentioned, as we know from what Allah has told us, spouses are a source of great comfort for one another. However, until marriage, our experience of the opposite gen3is limited to close relationships within the family and contact is little with others as one should restrain from any prolonged contact to the point that the gaze should be lowered and any conversation only relevant to the purpose of the interaction.

 

Either way, contact with the other gender is quite different to the type of contact one would have with a spouse. It is therefore little surprise that one feels unsure about the other gender when it comes to marital relations as the experiences to date are quite different. Having some understanding, as you are in search of, can at least help to reduce the anxieties a little as you will feel more prepared.

 

However, not everyone is as proactive at going out and seeking such information and instead enter into a marriage with no such knowledge. Whilst it may be ideal to have such knowledge, it is not completely essential. It is possible to have a happy, healthy relationship without such knowledge to begin with. In fact, since every one is different the best experience will come from getting to know you spouse yourself as the things she likes will be different from another woman. Getting to know one another like this is all part of the process of developing feelings for one another also as you learn new and exciting things about them with each day.

 

On the other hand, at least having some kind of general idea can be helpful, even if just to reduce your anxieties in having some ideas about what to expect. There are a couple of ways you can do this. Firstly, taking guidance from the Qur’an and Sunnah. This is where you will get the best advice about expectations of you as a husband and what to expect from your wife also, as well as guidance on how to approach multiple matters that arise in matters of marriage, including sexuality.

 

Additionally you can speak to those of experience. You may turn to religious leaders and scholars for advice on matters from the Islamic perspective. You may also turn to friends and family who have alresdy married to find out about their experiences as husbands. You could even turn to female relatives such as your sister if you have or your mum to get advice on things a wife might like. When it comes to matters of sexuality, this is not so appropriate, but more so when finding out about marriage more broadly. Another option is to read books on the topic also. This way you don’t have to openly discuss with others if you are shy to do so.

 

May Allah grant you a righteous spouse who will bring you happiness in this life and the next.

Thursday, Jan. 01, 1970 | 00:00 - 00:00 GMT

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