As salamu alaykum sister,

Everyone suffers from low self esteem or lack of confidence from time to time.  However it seems that in your case you feel this way generally most of the time.  I would kindly suggest that you make a list of the things that you are good at, the things you have accomplished as well as activities and skills you would like to improve upon.

Regarding your list of things you are good at and your list of accomplishments, please do review them daily insha’Allah.  This will help you keep a balance regarding the things you feel you cannot do.  Look at your list of things you want to improve upon, whether it is communication skills, problem solving, completing a chore, a school or work issue or learning a new concept.  Examine the steps needed to understand the task.  List the options and steps towards being more effective in doing the said task.  For instance, when I wanted to write grants I had to take a class in grant writing.  I then had to learn how to write grants.  I went through a period of several trials and errors, but I finally got it!

Making errors is expected and normal.  However what is a problem, is when we do not investigate how to do things differently to produce more effective results.  Often times we give up even before we have put in full efforts.  By giving up too soon and believing in our own self doubts and our perceived lack of abilities, it can lead us into a vicious cycle of failure-failure that is self induced and not a true representation of who we are.

You are an intelligent, capable young women.  Please do insha’Allah, tell yourself that daily, in fact several times a day!  The more you tell yourself this the more your brain will begin to believe it.  It is kind of a form of self CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) .  When we begin to change our negative believe systems into positive ones it is then reflected in our behavior and actions insha’Allah.  As you begin to change your thinking about yourself, also begin to strategize on what steps are needed to successfully complete something.

Additionally, please do look at your environment.  Are you in a place that is free from distractions, stress and other interfering variables?  Are you around people who build you up and not put you down?  These are very important factors to look at because if you live under stressful conditions it may be hard to cope mentally, emotionally as well as intellectually.  If you are around people who are constantly saying negative things to you or about you it may be very difficult to build up your self esteem and confidence.  Insha’Allah surround yourself with uplifting people and an environment conducive to your intellectual, mental, and spiritual growth and development.

Insha’Allah, find the things you are good at, as well as be willing to try new things and develop new strategies for learning tasks. Find what works for you.  Some people learn best by visual, others by hands on and still others by auditory.  Often times when we have low self confidence we are afraid to try new or different things for fear of failure. Please do make efforts to overcome that if it is applicable to your situation.  By trying new things, new ways of doing things, we tap into our creativity as well as form new pathways in our brains for learning.  I am confident you will be successful in these endeavors sister, just believe in yourself and don’t fear failure.   Failure is only baby steps to success.  It is how we learn and grow.  Make duaa to Allah for guidance and ease sister, pray that Allah restores your confidence and brings you joy and success in your future endeavors.  Allah is most merciful but often we must take the first steps!  You are in our prayers.