As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us with your most important concerns. I am sorry to hear that your family is always reminding you to stand up straight, but I can assure you they are saying it because they are concerned and love you dearly as you already know. When we love someone, we want to see them safe, healthy and doing things that are productive for their bodies, minds, and spirituality. In your case, the issue surrounds your posture.

As you stated, you are now an adult; you are grown and you know your body. It is my feeling that those who give constant reminders to stand up straight are ones who may have watched you grow from a little girl into a beautiful young woman. It is these reminders from those who are close to us and have watched us grow up which are most difficult to deal with.

You stated that you do sometimes bend your posture and you do not notice it until it begins to ache. Perhaps, this is why they give reminders because, sister, by the time it aches it means that the muscles or bones or both are being negatively affected. Over time this is not good, and I am sure you do not want complications from this such as surgery (as you mentioned).

As you are an adult now, perhaps you may want to take the responsibility to look into preventative measures such as maybe wearing a back brace, or a posture harness, or a bra that extends to your mid-back, thus, helping you to remember to stand up straight. Many people have poor posture and resort to back braces, extended upper garments (such as bra’s for ladies) to provide the extra support, so you are not alone in this issue.

My daughter used to hunch over a lot when she was a young teen. I did give her reminders to stand up straight as she did begin to develop a small “hunch” or rounding of the shoulders when even standing straight. So yes, this issue is important, sister, but I am confident you can handle it on your own so that you will not suffer later on.

I would kindly suggest sister that you take it upon yourself to more actively seek a remedy to help you remember to stand straight and avoid future problems.

Secondly, in sha’ Allah, please sit with your family members and calmly and lovingly express your appreciation for their concern, but let them know that the reminders are irritating you and ask them to please stop. You may also want to assure them (as they do love you and are concerned) that as you are an adult now you have decided to implement some techniques or devices to help you remember to stand up straight. You may or may not wish to share with them what is it, but of course, that is up to you.

You may hear reminders from time to time as it is normal human nature to want to help. Also, it may have become a habit after so many years, which may take some time to break. However, when you yourself have corrected the situation, you will not hear any more reminders to stand up straight!

You are in our prayers. We wish you the best!

Salam,