Counseling Session with Sr Aisha

Salaam `Alaikum dear brothers and sisters,

We would like to thank you for joining us in this Counseling Session.

We would like also to thank our counselor, sister Aisha for answering the questions.

You can find the answers below:

Feel free to send your questions to [email protected]

Q: Assalam alaykum,

During this Ramadan satan is chained. But I am still imagining all types of thought. Some of them are positive and some are bad. What I am fearing is that where these bad thoughts are coming from? If satan is chained. So I am restricting myself from imagination but it’s putting a lot of pressure on my brain?

Ramadan Mubarak,

Thank you for writing to our Live Session. Yes, you are correct that the shaitan is chained however there are still bad things in the world that can influence us. You say that you still imagine many types of thoughts- good and bad but the things you are thinking about are bad thoughts. 

Ongoing Thoughts

I am not really clear on what you are going through, however it sounds like you are having unwanted intrusive thoughts. This sometimes happens as a result of anxiety disorders. One aspect of an anxiety disorder is called obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).

Obsessive-compulsive disorder may present with intrusive thoughts like you may be experiencing. I cannot say that this is what is happening because I cannot diagnose you. I can only provide basic information that may be helpful.

You may wish to keep a journal of what your thoughts are, how often they are happening, and if anything triggers them (i.e. you hear a door slam and you start to have thoughts you cannot control). By identifying the “what, when, how” you can present these findings to a counselor should you decide to get help. This will help him in helping you.

Counseling

I kindly suggest insha’Allah that you do contact a counselor in regards to what you are thinking and feeling. A counselor can assess you and determine what is going on. It may be something as simple as anxiety due to stress which can be easily resolved. The point is, you do not have to suffer with this. 

Conclusion

Please seek out counseling in your area for an assessment to determine what is going on and insha’Allah participate in the recommended plan of action for resolving this. You do not have to suffer with these thoughts and feelings, insha’Allah this can be resolved. Please take the first step by going for counseling, we wish you the best.

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Q: Assalam alaykum,

Millions of Muslims have been praying during Ramadan and asking Allah to remove this pandemic, Why Doesn’t He answer our prayers?

Ramadan Mubarak,

Thank you for writing to our Live Session. I understand how you must feel knowing that Muslims all over the world have been praying during Ramadan asking Allah swt for forgiveness as well as asking Him to remove this pandemic. 

Why Doesn’t Allah Answer our Prayers

You are concerned about why Allah doesn’t answer our prayers. It is said “Who is it that responds to the distressed when he calls out to Him, and who removes the ill, and has made you inherit the earth? Could there be any divine power besides Allah?” (An-Naml 27: 62)

And  “What would my Lord care for you if not for your supplication?” (Sura al-Furqan 25:77) . Also “I respond to the call of the caller when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.” (Sura al-Baqara 2:186). As we can see, Allah does hear our prayers and Allah will answer our prayers in His time as Allah knows best. 

Allah Knows Best

While this pandemic is concerning to all, perhaps it is a time to strengthen our relationship with Allah, our families and community. Perhaps we may use this time to create a better world, a stronger ummah, and create a better way of living. Perhaps this is a time for healing-despite the sad and tragic deaths from the pandemic.  Allah knows best and is the best of planners.

Tests and Trials

This may also be a test and trial for us as Muslims. Perhaps it is that Allah wants us to seek Him out in order that we may become stronger in our resolve. Perhaps it is this moment in time that we will develop our strongest iman.

The world has gone through pandemics, wars, hardships, and miseries before. As hardships such as this pandemic are new to a lot of us-we must never forget our sisters and brothers who live in lands where they are being killed, persecuted, living under occupation, and so on….to them this pandemic is like their everyday life, living with uncertainty and fears. Perhaps this will make our hearts softer to others. 

Conclusion

Allah does hear our prayers!!!  We need to “hear” Allah when He promises us that he does hear our prayers and will respond. However, Allah knows best and His response is in His time and of His choosing. Keep praying and draw close to Allah. Allah is our only refuge. We wish you the best.

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Q: Assalam alaykum,

I am very frustrated and can’t accept that this Eid will be different due to the lock down. Also I was planning a social distance gathering  but the pandemic around scares me. What should I do?

Ramadan Mubarak,

Thank you for writing to our Live Session. I understand how you feel regarding Eid and how it will be different due to the lockdown. For most of us this is something we have never experienced and especially during Ramadan. 

Times for Reflection

Perhaps this is a time that we need to draw closer to Allah as well as our families. During this time of lockdown, it offers us quieter times. We can spend time reflecting upon our relationship with Allah and strengthening it.

Ramadan and Eid

Ramadan was very different and Eid will definitely be different. As Muslims Eid is one of our most sacred and happiest holidays. Therefore, we cannot help but feel sad that we will not be able to congregate with our families, friends, brothers and sisters and celebrate Eid as we have in the past. However, there can be a blessing in this and new lessons. 

Lessons and Blessings

Insha’Allah next Eid we will remember this experience and be so grateful to be together. Perhaps our hearts will be softer and more compassionate for our sisters and brothers who live in war zones, under occupations, and fear for their lives on a daily basis.

Often times as humans we can take things for granted. I can imagine that a few months ago no one imagined or thought that we would be doing Ramadan in isolation and most certainly didn’t think that Eid would be celebrated alone. However here we are. 

Social Gathering for Eid

You stated that you were planning a social distance gathering for Eid but because of the pandemic you are scared. Insha’Allah please check with your local, county, or state laws regarding gatherings as they are different laws for different places. You may wish to follow the recommendations for social distancing, wearing masks, as well as using sanitizer. 

Conclusion

As we can see nothing is guaranteed in life.  This maybe looked at as sort of test and trial that we must get through. Insha’Allah when the pandemic has washed away, we will emerge as more compassionate, loving, human beings. Insha’Allah we will also emerge with a stronger resolve to strive to be better Muslims.

Insha’Allah this is a time for all of us to strengthen our relationship with Allah and each other as an ummah in the way of kindness, concern, and charity. Regarding your gathering, if you are extremely uncomfortable I would suggest not having it and waiting. However, if you are able to feel comfortable, make duaa to Allah and follow the recommendations for small gatherings. May your Eid be happy and blessed.

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Q: Assalam alaykum,

Please help me as my siblings are all against me they don’t talk to me. I haven’t done anything to them but they don’t want their kids to be close to me and treat me horribly. I’m hurting so bad.

Ramadan Mubarak,

Thank you for writing to our Live Session. As I understand your concerns, your siblings don’t talk to you and you feel that they are against you. You stated that you haven’t done anything to them but they do not want their children to be near you either and they treat you terrible. You state that this hurts you so much. 

Questions 

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I imagine this hurts very much. I can understand how hurt you must feel, this is a cruel way to be treated. I am wondering did they always act this way, if not when did this start?

Have you ever had a good relationship with your siblings? If you try to think about when this relationship changed it may help you to determine why they’re acting this way. Was there a misunderstanding? Did something happen? 

We are Not to Hold Grudges

Even if something did happen or there was an event or misunderstanding, there is still no excuse for them to treat you this way. It is not Islamic. As Muslims we are supposed to settle our differences with each other, especially family members.

Family Meeting

I kindly suggest insha’Allah that you have a family meeting to sort this out. You may want to have someone from the outside was not involved be a moderator. This could be another uninvolved family member, a close family friend, and Imam etc.

You may wish to write down points of how you feel and questions regarding the treatment you are experiencing. Explain to them that you love them and wish to resolve this and that as Muslims it is incumbent upon us to resolve bad feelings. 

Conclusion

Insha’Allah they will agree to a family meeting and you can get to the bottom of why they’re acting this way. I do want to state however that even if there were arguments or differences in the past, as Muslims we are not to treat one another cruel. We are to resolve our differences and treat each other with love and kindness.

Please do call for a family meeting, if possible retain someone who can moderate the conversation, and get to the bottom of why they are acting the way they are. Insha’Allah you will resolve this with your siblings.  If they are unwilling to calmly discuss their issues with you, and resolve them, please do let us know so we can assist you further insha’Allah. We wish you the best.

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Q: Assalam alaykum,

I have been married for 3 years. Initially me and my husband were living with my MIL (widow) but then things got bad and after a lot of struggle my husband and I moved out. We spent 2 years really happily and we didn’t have any issues. I never stopped my husband from visiting his mother. Even me and my husband would take her out. But for last few months she started to interfere a lot in our life she keeps calling my husband at odd times she keeps him to herself more and now she has started to convince my husband to stay with her again as she has changed. I already stood up to this decision that if we do stay together we will stay in a place where we both have our own space.

Well we all agreed on that. Afterwards what my MIL did was just absurd she just sold her house abruptly without even looking for a new one where she would move into. Now she keeps telling my husband that she does not have anywhere to go to. She insists that we should get any place to live (against the agreement we had about our own space). This is really bothering me because I feel like we are molding our lives according to her wishes. Please help me. What can I do to convince my husband how wrong she is to keep interfering like this constantly. Thanks.

Ramadan Mubarak,

Thank you for writing to our Live Session. As I understand your question and concerns, you have been married for three years. You were initially living with your mother-in-law who is a widow and then things did not work out. After a lot of struggle,  you and your husband decided to move out. 

Happy for Two Years

The first two years went well and you were both very happy. However, for the past few months your mother-in-law has been interfering with your life. She currently is trying to convince your husband to stay with her again.

Possibly Lonely and Misses Husband 

Sister it seems that possibly your mother-in-law is feeling lonely and lost since her husband died. That is quite a big change and hardship. It probably made it worse when you and your husband moved out.

Even though it has been two years since you both left, perhaps she’s having a hard time engaging in life again. Perhaps she does not intend to be a bother but she is possibly fearful as she is alone. Sister insha’Allah try to be a comfort to her in these times. I know it is not easy but perhaps the two of you can become close.

Moving Back in Together

The situation turned out that your husband agreed to move back in however he did take your feelings into consideration and you and your husband were to have your own space to live. However, in the meantime your mother-in-law sold her house and stated that everybody needs to live together at this point. Sister I don’t know what your husband’s feelings are in this situation.

However, if your mother-in-law sold her house, possibly by combining her money with your money there would be a possibility to purchase a home with an in-law suite.  This would assure each would have their separate spaces. Again, I do not know what the financial status is however there may be money from the house that she sold and possibly money that you and your husband have for this idea insha’Allah.

Conclusion

 Sister please speak with your husband in a calm and loving way about the situation so the two of you can come up with some agreeable results. Insha’Allah, do not start the conversation discussing your mother-in-law, but do discuss how much you love him and how you cherish your time together. Ask him if he has any suggestions on how it could work for the separate spaces at this point.

If it is financially appropriate you may wish to bring up the idea of purchasing a home with an in-law unit.  Try to be supportive and open about the situation as it does seem like your husband is trying to please you as well guard the need for privacy/separate spaces. He appears to understand the need for this as a married couple. Insha’Allah sister tried to work out an agreement with your husband. In a cheerful way the both of you can get creative with ideas and come to an ideal arrangement. We wish you the best.

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Q: Assalam alaykum,

With a lot of shame and guilt in my heart, I am about to type what must be one of the most unique scenarios you have encountered. A Muslim girl fell in love with a hindu guy. He along with his friends made her feel so bad about her life, status, and body. Then he blackmailed her to send her private pictures which she did then he distributed it everywhere the girl felt helpless and kept falling for men who would take care of her but they did the same thing with her. Around 11 men asked and used her private pictures without her consent. She left her college and she was becoming a doctor. That girl was only 22. Today she is 26 but she still carries the guilt and remorse and shame great proposals broke because of her past. No guy from a good family wants to marry her. She is alone poor and lonely and everyone calls her crazy. If I had met a girl like her even I wouldn’t have befriended her.

I hate myself so much and have been hating myself for years. That girl is me. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I feel jealous of other girls who have no baggage.  I sinned and I wanna die. A simple conservative girl was exploited and the world did nothing.  I changed my country. But I keep meeting people or running into circumstances that remind me of my past.  I cry everyday  I hate myself looking at my body I feel ashamed   Even if Allah forgives me I won’t forgive myself. I am not a doctor today because of this past I got the evil eye.  people make fun of me and everyone runs away from me.  I have nobody left I am alone. I sinned  everyone stopped me. I hate myself!  What did my family do to deserve this ?

Ramadan Mubarak,

Thank you for writing to our Live Session.  Sister, actually your situation is not unique. There are many sisters who write in talking about a boy they met and have fallen in love with. Many Muslim girls do fall in love with Hindu boys. However, if the rules which were put in place Islamically were followed this would not happen. This does not excuse the vultures who took advantage of you, they will be accountable to Allah no matter what religion they are. I am so sorry this happened to you.

However, as this already happened it needs to be addressed. Sister I encourage you to repent to Allah if you already have not. Once you have repented sincerely, your sins are forgiven. You stated that you realize and know that Allah does forgive, but you can’t forgive yourself. Sister, if you believe in Allah and believe that He forgives, then you need to let it go. Once we repent and give it to Allah we are not to think about it over and over, we are to put it in the past and draw closer to Allah and move forward. 

Choosing to Remain in Past

It is you dear sister who is choosing to remain in the past and think about this all the time which is causing you pain and mental anguish. You are choosing this. You even moved to a different country and brought it with you! As Muslims we have options to resolve ourselves from the pain of our sins and move forward, but you are not choosing to do this. 

Moving Forward

Sister I encourage you to make dua to Allah to help you move on. I encourage you to increase your iman and trust in Allah. Allah gave you a new life.  I realize this can be difficult being that there were pictures floating around, however again I encourage you to put all that in the past. Those that have seen the pictures do you not know your heart and do not know your relationship with Allah. They also do not matter. What matters most is that you have a clean slate right now, you have repented, and moving forward your relationship with Allah is much closer. 

You have Allah

Sister, as long as you have Allah it does not matter what anybody else says, does, or thinks. As you try to move forward with your life, I encourage you to look forward to all the good that lies ahead. You made a mistake, you repented-it’s over. Develop a new mindset of positive thoughts.

When you start thinking about what has happened in the past, picture a big red stop sign and make dua to Allah to remove these thoughts. To keep yourself busy. Go to the Masjid often for prayers. Go to Islamic events. Meet Muslim sisters for friendships. Volunteering to help others is a blessing. You may wish to help feed the homeless or help others who are in need. Doing charity work brings us much happiness and it also puts our own problems in perspective. 

Conclusion

Moving forward please do adhere to the Islamic way of life. As you can see it is for the best. When we adhere to Allah’s commands, we find that our lives take a much better path and we have less problems. Insha’Allah, anticipate that moving forward, and leave the past behind. Insha’Allah you will find much peace within yourself and a happy future.

Look into going back to school for your dream to be a doctor!  Its not too late. You can create a wonderful life; it is up to you. There are many blessings waiting for you-to let go of your past and step into your future. If you find it difficult to begin to move forward sister, please do see a counselor in your area for ongoing counseling. We wish you the best.

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Wednesday, May. 20, 2020 | 10:00 - 11:00 GMT

Session is over.
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Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.