Dear brothers and sisters,

Thanks for sharing your concerns. Check out the 4 questions our counselor just answered. Didn’t see yours? No worries! Join our next session or resubmit your question for another chance to get advice. Stay tuned for more!

Question 1. Mental health

My son was recently diagnosed with autism but I don’t know what level of autism.when i heard it i was devastated just like any other parents. I feel like my heart is burning. I have lost all happiness. Of course I love my baby but I know life will be tough. During my pregnancy I was going through depression so I blame myself for this. Me and my husband wanted to have another child but I feel like I don’t want anymore child because of the potential risk of autism. Give me a dua to relief my pain and give me dua to heal my son

Salam alaikom,

Thank you, sister, for writing to us. I am so sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing in coming to terms with your son’s autism diagnosis. At this stage, you still don’t know the level of autism, and, of course, receiving such news can be devastating for any parent. You mentioned feeling like your heart was burning and that you’ve lost all happiness. This is entirely normal, sister. When we have children, we not only cherish them but also build hopes, dreams, and expectations around them. When something unexpected like this happens, it’s natural to feel as though those dreams are shattered, leaving a sense of loss and grief.

This grieving process you’re experiencing is normal. It stems from the need to adapt to a new reality—one where you accept that your child has autism. This acceptance will require adjustments, not only in lifestyle but also in the expectations you had for yourself and your family life.

You also shared that during your pregnancy, you were experiencing depression and now feel guilty, believing it might have caused your son’s autism. Sister, I want to gently remind you that there is no definitive evidence that autism can be caused by maternal depression. Furthermore, depression is not something you chose. It’s a condition that happened to you and was beyond your control. Blaming yourself for this serves no purpose, as it was neither a deliberate choice nor your fault.

As Muslims, we know that the qadr (divine decree) of Allah is part of our faith. This situation is a test, and while it may feel overwhelming, there are ways to cope and grow through this hardship. One of the key teachings in our tradition is the importance of accepting Allah’s decree with patience (sabr). Patience doesn’t mean suppressing your emotions; it means giving yourself time to process and adapt emotionally until you reach a state of acceptance and, in sha Allah, even contentment with His decree. Remember, your son is a gift, and having him is also a blessing.

It’s also crucial to know that many interventions can help children with autism progress. Early intervention is especially important, so I encourage you to seek out therapies, educational programs, and support services tailored to his needs. While it’s okay to feel sad and overwhelmed right now, I urge you to focus on actionable steps that can make a significant difference for your child’s development. This can also give you a sense of empowerment and hope moving forward.

Regarding your concerns about having another child, I understand your fears. It’s natural to worry about potential risks. However, there is no evidence to suggest with certainty that a second child will have autism. Your feelings are valid, but it’s also important to acknowledge that you may not feel ready for another child at this moment. That’s okay. Allah is the best of planners, and if it is written for you to have another child, it will happen at the right time. Trust in His plan, and don’t feel pressured to rush into anything before you are emotionally ready.

For now, I encourage you to focus on your grieving process, work toward acceptance, and actively seek out the best resources and interventions for your son. Over time, as you see him grow and thrive, in sha Allah, you may feel more confident and prepared for what lies ahead, including the possibility of expanding your family.

May Allah make it easy for you and guide you in this journey. Ameen.

Question 2. Pressure

Salaam. My parents keep pressuring me for marriage and looking for marriage prospects. They even made a profile using my name and information without even telling me. Can I sue them?  I hear them talking to the community all the time and revealing about my personal life like how I’m still not working or failing or having health issues. I feel so embarrassed to even show my face. What kind of parents do this? I went through bullying, discrimination, and unfairness in my field. I am feeling too traumatic to work due to these triggers and even study. All this is leading me to anxiety and feeling stuck. I don’t even think I want to work in that field anymore due to these triggers. I failed and my people in my field spread rumors about me. These people are now working all over the area and I fear if I find work, they will see me and spread gossip. I was targeted for being a loner. I don’t have financial means to move out either. I don’t know what to do. I feel suffocated at my parents house and haven’t been progressing in anything. 

Salam alaikom,

Thank you for sharing your concerns, sister. I am truly sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing. You mentioned that your parents have been pressuring you about marriage and even created a profile for you online without your consent. To be honest, I don’t think it’s right for them to do that. You asked whether you can take legal action against them. While I understand your frustration, I would suggest first approaching them kindly and asking them to stop.

Marriage is a deeply personal matter, and your consent is essential—not just in the marriage itself, but also in the process of finding a potential spouse. It is important to explain to your parents that you want to be actively involved in this process and that your voice matters. You can let them know that you’d like to create your own profile and invite them to participate in the process with you if they wish. However, it’s crucial that they respect your boundaries and allow you to take an active role in this significant part of your life.

You also shared that you feel embarrassed by this situation, which is completely understandable. On top of that, you’ve experienced bullying, discrimination, and unfairness in your field, which has left you feeling too traumatized to work or even study. This has understandably triggered anxiety and left you feeling stuck. Sister, I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is incredibly painful to face such experiences, and it’s no wonder you feel overwhelmed and discouraged.

It’s important to acknowledge how limiting and exhausting anxiety can feel. I strongly encourage you to seek professional help, such as counseling or talk therapy, to work through these emotions and triggers. A therapist can help you identify the root causes of your anxiety and provide you with tools to manage it more effectively. Bullying, discrimination, and unfairness are deeply triggering for anyone, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the problem lies with the field you are pursuing. If you enjoy the field itself, perhaps it’s about finding the right environment or rebuilding your confidence to reengage with it in the future. However, this is a journey, and you need to feel emotionally prepared first.

If your home environment is contributing to your feelings of being stuck or suffocated, it’s important to create some emotional distance, even if you can’t physically leave. Identify spaces where you feel safe and emotionally supported—this could be your own room, the library, the masjid, nature, or any place where you feel a sense of peace. Spend time there to reflect and recharge.

At the same time, I urge you to take small, actionable steps toward your well-being. Write down your options and start taking active steps, however small, toward creating an environment where you can feel emotionally secure. Combining this with counseling will, in sha Allah, help you regain your confidence and develop a clearer perspective on how to move forward.

With consistent effort, I believe you can equip yourself with the tools and strength needed to face these challenges and find both your peace and your purpose. May Allah make it easy for you, grant you clarity, and guide you to what is best. I wish you the very best.

Wa alaikum as-salam.

Question 3. Intrusive Thoughts

SalaaamAlaikum, I am a Muslim girl who has good intentions and I have a fiance, we both want to get married so much and live a life for the sake of Allah. Out of nowhere, one day I heard a whisper saying to me ‘you like…’ mentioning a man I know. I had this waswasa before and I got over it by help of Allah and I realized it was ridicolous waswasa. Later I got the same thought pattern for another person and again I know it is waswas, I dont think of anyone except my fiance in that way, my logic and heart knows the truth but I can’t get rid of this thought appearing to me always. I am doing my best to combat it but I need help. What should I do? 

Salam alaikom,

Thank you, sister, for writing to us. You mentioned that you are a Muslim girl engaged to your fiancé, and you’re experiencing intrusive thoughts or whisperings (waswasah). These thoughts include phrases or a name that isn’t your fiancé’s, and they keep popping up in your mind. You said it feels ridiculous because your heart knows the truth, but you’re struggling to get rid of these thoughts despite trying to combat them.

First, I want to assure you that such thoughts are normal and not something to feel guilty about. Combating them too forcefully can sometimes make the situation worse. Let me explain why. There’s a well-known psychological experiment where people were told not to think of a red bear for five minutes. The result? That’s all they could think about. This demonstrates that the more we try to suppress or avoid a thought, the more persistent it becomes.

Instead of trying to fight these thoughts, consider accepting them as part of the human experience. It’s completely normal for funny, strange, or even embarrassing thoughts to pop into our minds from time to time. These thoughts don’t define you. There is no need to engage with or question them. Just let them come and go, without paying too much attention.

Right now, because you are engaged and focused on your fiancé and the purity of your relationship, these thoughts may feel more significant. But remember, they are no different from other random thoughts you might have throughout the day that don’t grab your attention. You are not responsible for these thoughts, and you’re certainly not accountable for them in any way because they are beyond your control.

So, instead of worrying or battling these thoughts, simply notice them, acknowledge that they exist, and then let them pass. Shift your focus to something else—whether it’s another thought, an activity, or your daily worship. With time, in sha Allah, these intrusive thoughts will fade or be replaced by others, and they won’t feel as overwhelming.

The key is to remember that you are not judged for what enters your mind involuntarily. Allah knows your intentions and your heart, and you are only accountable for your deliberate actions, not for fleeting thoughts that you cannot control.

May Allah make it easy for you and help you find peace of mind.

Question 4. Mother in law interfere with my personal matters

Assalamu alaikum I’m a married woman and I have had two miscarriages and now I’m conceived with a baby girl. But my mother in law always says she is asking for a baby boy and doing salah for only the baby boy. Is it allowed in Islam? But it hurts me a lot and I directly said to her that don’t talk like that boy or girl all are the same. But still she is creating conflict between me and my husband. He also supported his mother and said that she is correct. Is it allowed to ask for only a baby boy in Islam? And also she interferes with every personal matter of mine. My husband always said that she gave you a groom so she will be like that you must accept it like that. Is all these allowed in Islam?

Salam alaikom,

Thank you, sister, for writing to us. I’m truly sorry to hear about your challenges, but I’m also heartened by your current pregnancy. May Allah bless your pregnancy, protect you, and grant you a healthy and safe delivery, ameen.

Your letter has two parts. In the first, you mention having had two miscarriages and now being pregnant with a baby girl. However, you’re feeling bad because your mother-in-law explicitly expressed a preference for a boy. You’re wondering if this is right, as you believe that, Islamically, having a boy or girl should be treated the same.

To address this, I’d first like to affirm that, Islamically, both boys and girls are blessings from Allah. While it is permissible to pray for a righteous child, whether male or female, it is important to accept Allah’s decree (qadr). Knowing that you are expecting a girl does not diminish her worth, nor should it affect the love, care, or joy that surrounds her arrival. Both boys and girls are equal in front of Allah, and both should be treated with fairness and dignity.

It’s understandable that some parents or grandparents may express preferences for a particular gender due to cultural norms or personal wishes. However, these preferences should not cross into rejection of Allah’s will or create negativity around the pregnancy. Sister, especially given your history of miscarriages, this is likely a particularly sensitive issue for you. I imagine you want to avoid any feelings of rejection or negativity during this precious time, which is completely reasonable.

I would encourage you to discuss this with your husband. Explain to him that comments about the baby’s gender feel hurtful or triggering for you, particularly after your earlier losses. Kindly ask him to address this with his mother, suggesting that she avoid such remarks, especially in your presence, as they are affecting your emotional well-being. This is not about creating conflict but ensuring that you feel supported, calm, and hopeful during your pregnancy.

If you find that these feelings are tied to the grief from your miscarriages, you might also consider seeking counseling or therapy to help process those losses. Even a few sessions can be incredibly beneficial, in sha Allah, for building emotional resilience and finding peace.

The second part of your letter describes how your mother-in-law frequently interferes in your life, and your husband seems reluctant to address it. He says, “This is how she is, and you have to accept it.” This situation is not uncommon, as in many cultures, mothers-in-law are deeply involved in their children’s lives. However, Islamically, you are entitled to your own privacy and boundaries within your marriage. While your husband has a duty of respect and kindness towards his parents, this does not negate your right to have your own space and independence as a couple.

It’s essential to strike a balance. Your husband must understand that his role is now not only as a son but also as a husband. He should work towards setting boundaries that honor both relationships. This doesn’t mean choosing one over the other but creating a healthy dynamic where everyone’s rights and feelings are respected. You can kindly and respectfully share your perspective with your husband, helping him see that a balance is possible. Encourage him to maintain his bond with his mother while also creating space for your relationship.

If you feel that speaking directly isn’t enough or if the situation escalates, you might consider involving a third party, such as a trusted family member or seeking family counseling to mediate. This can help ensure that everyone’s voice is heard and that harmony is maintained in the family dynamic.

Always approach these discussions with kindness and understanding, but also with firmness about your own rights and needs. It’s possible to stand up for yourself while maintaining a respectful tone, in sha Allah.

Finally, I pray for a safe and healthy pregnancy for you, as well as a peaceful and happy family life. May Allah guide you, bless your growing family, and make it easy for you to navigate these challenges.

Question 5. About husband’s irresponsibility towards me

Me and my daughter living far away from my husband as he working in the capital, and can’t afford to take us there but the more I am understanding his situation the more he is irresponsible towards us,

As he earn less I am not asking for money but so far he is giving all of his earning to his parents.

That’s shocked me very hard. I know maybe I am being jealous. But I just wanted him as a responsible towards us.

What should I do?

Salam alaikom,

Thank you, sister, for sharing your situation. You mentioned having financial concerns with your husband, who is currently working away from you while you are living with your daughter. You explained that he cannot afford to bring you to where he is, and you feel that the more understanding you are, the more irresponsible he becomes toward you and your daughter.

This, of course, does not sound good. You mentioned that although he earns less, whatever he does earn, he gives to his parents. Islamically speaking, your husband has an obligation to provide for you and your daughter and to maintain your basic needs. This is his Islamic duty. While it is commendable and also a responsibility for him to support his parents, his primary obligation is to his wife and children.

It is understandable that financial difficulties can arise, and there may be times when a man cannot fully provide for everyone’s needs. However, it is essential that he makes sincere efforts to fulfill his duties toward his family, including you and your daughter. If, during such difficult times, you assist him financially, this is considered an act of charity (sadaqah) from your side, and you will be rewarded by Allah for this, in sha Allah. That said, such an arrangement should be mutually agreed upon between both of you, and he must still strive to fulfill his responsibilities.

If you are not comfortable with the current situation, it is important to address it with him. Try to have an open and honest conversation, explaining how his actions make you feel. Let him know that you feel his focus and responsibility toward his family might be lacking, and share your concerns about how this is affecting you. It’s possible that he has a different perspective on the situation, which you can explore together during this conversation.

If direct communication doesn’t help, you might consider involving a trusted third party, such as a family member or a mediator, to help you both reach a mutual understanding. It’s important to emphasize that while you are understanding and supportive, you also have rights in this marriage, and it would be ideal if he recognizes and acts on them.

Ups and downs are natural in any relationship, especially when there are financial or long-distance challenges. The key is to communicate openly and transparently. Even if you are physically apart, try to set aside time for conversations where you can discuss such matters calmly and thoughtfully. For instance, during an online chat or a visit, you could express your love for him and gently share how these issues make you feel. Avoid turning it into a heated discussion, and instead focus on finding solutions together.

In sha Allah, with understanding and mutual effort, you can work through this situation. However, if these discussions do not lead to improvement, consider seeking external support, such as counseling or mediation, to help you both navigate these challenges.

May Allah make it easy for you, bless your marriage, and strengthen the bond between you and your husband.

Question 6. My husband has stopped praying and does not want to perform umrah with me

My husband is 10 years older than me. We have 2 teenage daughters. He rarely speaks to them, but he gives them financial support. He doesn’t speak to me either, has stopped sleeping in our bed, comes to me once, doesn’t hug me. I do the cooking, house chores, and look after the children. I also work and buy groceries. He pays some bills. I buy all my stuff. I feel lonely. My children want to travel, but he doesn’t want to accompany us. I feel trapped because we cannot travel without a mahram. He spends all his time at work. At home he eats his dinner alone, watch tv alone. I told him how I felt and he is not making any effort to change the situation. I don’t want to hurt my children with a divorce but I feel they are also lacking a true fatherly presence.

Should i divorce or stay with him unhappy?

Salam alaikom,

Thank you, sister, for explaining your situation with your husband. From what you have shared, it seems that your relationship is going through a very challenging time. You mentioned that he has stopped speaking to you, no longer sleeps in your bed, and barely interacts with his daughters. You feel there is very little intimacy left. While you handle the cooking, house chores, and childcare, he spends his time at work or alone at home, eating dinner and watching TV by himself.

You have already told him how you feel, which is a commendable step, but unfortunately, he has not made any effort to change the situation. I am truly sorry to hear this because it appears he has disconnected from the family. His behavior suggests that he is physically present but emotionally absent.

This disconnection could be a sign that something is bothering him. Perhaps there is an issue in the relationship that he finds difficult to address, or he may be dealing with personal struggles. It’s also possible that his work, stress, or even a mental health issue is affecting his motivation and well-being.

It would be helpful to reflect on what might have led to this situation. Was it a gradual process that developed over time due to unresolved conflicts or repetitive disagreements? Or did it happen suddenly? Understanding this might provide some insight into how you can move forward.

Regardless of the cause, it is clear that this is not how a healthy marriage should look. It’s understandable that you feel lonely and unhappy, and for any change to happen, both of you need to be willing to work on the relationship. If the willingness to change is only coming from your side, it will be much harder to achieve meaningful improvement.

You could try speaking with him again, approaching the conversation with calmness and sincerity. Ask him about his goals as a husband and father, and gently remind him of his duties in these roles. In Islam, we are all accountable for our responsibilities, and as a father, he is responsible not just financially but also emotionally for his daughters. Encourage him to reflect on this accountability and remind him that being stuck in this situation is not a solution. He needs to take steps in some direction—either toward resolving the issues or, if he feels he cannot continue in the marriage, discussing separation. However, reconciliation is always preferable before considering separation.

Communication is key here. Without effort, there can be no progress. You might also let him know that the longer he isolates himself, the more disconnected he will feel from the family, and this will not bring him any relief or happiness. At the same time, you could try to show openness in your interest toward him and the marriage. Be willing to have an honest discussion where both of you can share your thoughts and feelings. It’s important to see whether there is shared responsibility in the current situation and if that can help rebuild the connection.

If you feel you cannot handle this alone, it might be necessary to seek external support. You could involve a trusted family member or mediator to help facilitate communication. Often, unresolved feelings, frustrations, and misunderstandings need to be expressed openly and respectfully so that forgiveness and understanding can take place. This requires both of you to be willing to listen and reflect for the sake of Allah.

Ultimately, you don’t have to remain in a situation where you are deeply unhappy, but it is important to explore all avenues for reconciliation and understanding before making any major decisions. May Allah make this situation easier for you, guide your husband toward fulfilling his responsibilities, and bring peace to your heart.

Question 7. What in enough, enough

I’ve been married for 7 years, and I don’t remember when I was last happy with my spouse. 

I feel like I’ve been forcing myself to stay in this marriage for the sake of the children and fear of becoming a divorcee. 

We argue alot, we don’t get on, we don’t meet each other’s needs, he never buys me anything without me having to plead. Every Eid has come and gone; he’s never given me willingly. 

I deserve to be treated better. I deserve to be shown love. 

Salam alaikum, Sister,

I’m very sorry to hear about your struggles. You mentioned feeling like you’ve been forcing yourself to stay in your marriage for the sake of your children because you can’t remember the last time you felt happy with your spouse. You’ve shared that you argue a lot, don’t meet each other’s needs, and that he doesn’t show his love in the ways you’d expect—such as buying you gifts without you having to ask. You feel you deserve to be treated with love and care, and that’s absolutely true.

You’ve touched on an important point: in any relationship—whether it’s between husband and wife, parents and children, or siblings—it’s not enough to simply feel love for one another. It’s essential to express and demonstrate that love. Without this, one person may begin to feel unloved, uncared for, and unappreciated, which can lead to unmet needs and dissatisfaction.

It’s hard to determine whether the issues in your marriage stem from differences in character that were present from the start or from specific events that escalated into isolation and alienation between you both. It would be helpful to reflect on whether this has always been a part of your relationship or whether unresolved incidents have built up over time.

Regardless of the cause, you are right to feel that you deserve to be treated with kindness and love, just as you have the responsibility to show the same to your husband. A healthy marriage requires mutual effort, where both spouses understand and work to fulfill each other’s needs. It might be helpful to know how your husband feels about the situation. Sometimes, what happens is that both partners feel similarly—unloved, unappreciated, or dissatisfied—but these feelings remain unspoken. He may also feel that he deserves better treatment but hasn’t expressed it.

So, when our expectations are not met, we tend to sting on the negative traits and attitudes of our spouse and ignore the positive and uplifting ones. Does this sound familiar? If yes, try to switch focus and notice the things that are lovable in your husband. There must be some good things, as you said that in the past you had happy moments with him. What did that look like? How was your attitude and behavior back then? And how was his?

What about having an open and sincere conversation with your husband, focusing not on blame but on understanding one another? Talk about what you both feel, what you both need, and what you both think has gone wrong in the relationship. Instead of blaming one another, try expressing your feelings with “I” statements, such as, “I feel that my needs are not being met,” or, “I feel unloved when this happens.” This way, the conversation is less likely to become defensive and more likely to lead to constructive problem-solving.

Every individual has their own way of giving and receiving love. For some, love is expressed through giving gifts, while others feel loved through kind and comforting words. Some prefer physical touch, like hugs or holding hands, while others may express love through acts of service or simply spending quality time together. It’s important to identify what each of you needs to feel loved. You mentioned that receiving gifts is important to you—it might be that your husband isn’t aware of how much this matters to you. On the other hand, perhaps his way of expressing love is different, and he may not realize how his actions (or lack thereof) affect you.

This is why open communication is so important. Discussing your needs and listening to them can create a better understanding of each other’s love languages. If this conversation feels difficult to have alone or tends to turn into arguments, you might consider involving a neutral third party—someone you both trust or even a counselor—to help facilitate the discussion.

It’s also helpful to focus less on past grievances and more on solutions and the future. Think about what a happy marriage would look like for you. What would need to change? What would your marriage look like if things improved? Share this vision with your husband and invite him to share his vision as well. Then, see where your ideas overlap and where compromises can be made.

It’s important to remember that a happy marriage requires effort from both sides. It’s unlikely that every single need will be met, and sacrifices are often necessary. However, these sacrifices shouldn’t feel like a loss—they’re part of the realistic expectations we should set about the relationship. 

In sha Allah, with sincere communication, mutual understanding, and a willingness to make changes, you can begin to rebuild your relationship. May Allah guide you, ease your difficulties, and bring peace and happiness to your heart and your home.

Question 8. Am I right in this? How can I find balance without taking financial burden?

My husband and I are doing well but my family is not. Sister is in the middle of divorce. She wanted to live with me but we said no. She can get bossy and I just don’t like living with my family. I feel stressed around them. I wanted to get married for this reason. I was unhappy living at my parents. So we said no. And she got hurt. But I just cant. She expects me to babysit her kid but I cant and dont want to. 

My mom is the only one who works 7 days a week as an all day long home nurse. I give her money each month. I know it’s not much but I am afraid to commit to more because I can lose my job anytime. But even then I do pay now and then give money for brothers shoes. Anyway the thing is they think we are stingy and avoid them. But I can’t afford to take the whole fam out to eat. The bill is like 400$ vs me and my husband. They don’t understand that. Overall I just feel stressed around my family. If my sister had a job and if my bro had a job it would be different I feel. Is it enough to just make sure I call them and talk to them? (That’s one of their complaints). I don’t want to take on the financial burden but I also don’t want to burn in hell. Please help .

Salam alaikum, Sister,

Thank you for reaching out to share your concerns. From what you’ve explained, it seems your family is currently going through a challenging time, both emotionally and financially. Your sister is in the middle of a divorce and has asked to live with you, but you’ve declined. You don’t want to take on the financial burden, as you are already helping your mother financially as she’s the only one working, while your brother and other sister are not currently contributing. 

You also mentioned feeling stressed around your family and that one of the reasons you wished to get married was to move away from these difficulties. Living with your family has been a source of unhappiness for you in the past, and probably there are a variety of underlying emotions that make this current situation even harder for you.

This is a complex issue, and it’s understandable that it feels overwhelming. From what you’ve described, it seems like there’s a long history behind these feelings, and it’s not just about the immediate challenges of providing financial or accommodation support. These deeper feelings—possibly resentment, frustration, or hurt—may be making it harder for you to offer help, even though part of you feels a sense of guilt about not doing more.

Let’s acknowledge that family life is ideally about mutual support and sacrifice. In a family, there are times when we give from our time, finances, or personal comfort to help those in need, knowing that one day we might need the same support in return. Islam beautifully emphasizes the importance of helping one another, especially our family members. 

Allah is Al-Razzaq (The Provider), and whatever we spend for the sake of Allah will never reduce our wealth. There’s a saying in Islam that charity does not decrease one’s wealth—it is a means of gaining barakah (blessings). With the right intention, helping others can bring unexpected benefits, sometimes in ways we cannot foresee.

That said, it’s also important to recognize your own limits. Supporting your family doesn’t mean taking on their entire burden or sacrificing your well-being. It’s okay to find a balance that allows you to help while also preserving your own stability. 

So, what about having an open and sincere conversation with your family about your feelings and concerns? Explain to them that you’re doing your best but also have your own challenges. Let them know it’s not about unwillingness to help but about finding a way to manage everything realistically without overburdening yourself.

I invite you to see you this as not a debate of who is wrong and who is right. Both of the sides may have feelings that are valid, and feels right. The solution might starts with being able to see and understand, why the other feels this way.

Try to understand where their requests are coming from, and see their intentions behind. Having an empathetic understanding of each other’s struggle would help to develop feelings of compassion and love for each other. 

It’s equally important for your family to understand that their efforts matter, too. Support should be mutual, and while you can assist, it’s not your responsibility to resolve all their struggles instead of them. Perhaps they only need temporary support, or maybe they’d appreciate other forms of help, such as emotional support or regular communication. Try to clarify what they need most and see how you can meet those needs without overextending yourself.

Additionally, it might be beneficial to reflect on any unresolved feelings you have about past family dynamics. If there are old wounds, resentment, or unresolved issues, working through those—either on your own or with someone you trust—can help bring peace to your heart. Sometimes, letting go of past grievances can open the door to a more positive relationship, even if the current situation feels challenging.

Remember, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) encouraged us to help and give to one another, as it strengthens relationships and brings about mutual happiness. Acts of kindness, even small ones, can soften hearts and improve connections.

Lastly, keep in mind that Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity. You are not responsible for solving every problem, but you can do what is within your means for the sake of Allah. Start small—whether it’s financial support, emotional encouragement, or simply offering consistent duas for your family. Being honest with yourself about how much you can give and then doing so sincerely will, in sha Allah, bring peace to your heart.

May Allah ease your difficulties, guide you in finding balance, and bring harmony to your family relationships.

9. Islamic ruling on hallucinations

What to do when you are hallucinating or seeing things that are really not there as a Muslim 

Salaam alaikum sister,

Thank you for your question, which is, what to do when you are hallucinating or seeing things that are really not there as Muslims? 

I think, indifferently, if you are a Muslim or not, you need to find out whether there is an underlying medical cause behind this or not. So I advise you to ask for an appointment and explain to them what is happening to you, and based on that, they may be going to appoint you for further evaluation and assessment. The goal is to detect or rule out any kind of mental condition that can result in hallucinations. This is very important, sister, because untreated mental disorders can lead you to a state of mind that you can hardly control and cause further confusion and difficulties in your life. So, please, turn to a doctor and seek an examination.

It has nothing to do with being Muslim or not; rather, this can be a possible medical condition, and you have to figure it out as soon as possible. May Allah help you.