Salam,

Thank you for your question. It seems that heritage Muslims (those born into Muslim families) take one of two approaches when it comes to converts. The first is that they assume that even though the person has been Muslim for many years, they can’t really know anything about Islam. And will proceed, for example, to ask someone who has been Muslim for 20 years if they know how to pray yet.

This is really frustrating to some Muslims who have come to the faith later in life and have spent years studying and gaining knowledge of the faith. It is as if some heritage Muslims (and many non-Muslims as well) cannot conceive of a situation where someone can come from a Muslim minority land and understand the faith.

Knowledge is open to all. And for those who seek it sincerely, Allah will grant it to them, inshaAllah.

The second approach is what you are describing. Some heritage Muslims assume that from day one the Muslim convert should know everything. And if they don’t, and likely they won’t if they are brand new to the faith, the heritage Muslim then proceeds to dump a list of what is haram and halal onto the new Muslim, over-loading them.

I have written about this phenomenon of haram-loading in an article entitled, 6 Steps to Guiding New Muslims without Haram Loading, which you can find at the link here.

It can be difficult to gauge what level of knowledge someone is at, so have patience with people who are trying to recommend you to the good. We should always assume that our brothers and sisters have good intentions.  But you can by all means politely remind the person who is advising you that you are new and still learning. And that this means you will have to learn at your own pace.

The heritage Muslim probably has the best intentions in heart, wanting to help a convert understand the faith. So, with that in mind, you can redirect the conversation from clothing and other details of the religion to what you would really like to know or what you are focusing your Islamic studies on at the moment.

For example, you can say, thank you for your concern and the great information. I am still learning and taking my time incorporating Islam into my life, as I see this as the best approach to a religion that was revealed over 23 years. Right now I am learning about “x”. Could you please tell me what you know about “x”? I would really appreciate your time and information.

This way the heritage Muslim can feel helpful and you can learn something that is helpful to you.     

I hope this helps answer your question.

Please keep in touch.

Salam.