As salamu alaykum,
Shokran for writing to our live session sister. It seems that you are in a difficult emotional situation. As I understand, you were in a relationship with a man for about a year. As you had sex you did become pregnant but lost the child. I am so sorry about the loss of your child, I can imagine it hurt you deeply. At this point the man wants nothing to do with you.
Believe what is said
Sister, this man states that he does not love you and cannot provide anything other than friendship. Sister, I would have to agree with this man. He obviously has no feelings, no remorse, no guilt, nor any sense of responsibility for his actions towards you. He seems very cold and not in touch with his human side concerning compassion, and certainly not his Islamic side. Please do believe him when he says he doesn’t have feelings for you and given his character-be thankful. He did offer friendship but given his bad qualities and his coldness, I would not want or recommend someone like that as a friend.
Sister I am not sure if you have repented to Allah for your behavior concerning zina which you know of course is a sin. If you have not done so, please do go to Allah and repent. Allah is most merciful and by setting your relationship straight with Allah, will help you in your quest to overcome your feelings for this guy.
Hurt and Longing
Sister I understand how hurt you must feel. However, as you know, this is why these types of relationships are sinful and haram. They often end up in very hurtful situation such as this. This man probably had no intentions of marrying you to begin with. He had no business engaging in sex with you and leading you astray, being that he is a lot older than you. You on the other hand however, are still accountable for your actions. However, as this man is an elder it seems he has taken advantage of you. The hurt and longing you feel will go away as you begin to see him as he truly is-deceptive and sinful.
Sister I would strongly encourage you in addition to repenting, to move on with your life. I am sure you do not want somebody like him as a husband or even a friend. He sounds like a very horrible, cold person. I am sure that you want more in a husband than that. I am sure that you would like someone who is loving, kind, responsible and will lead you on the path of Islam not lead you on the path to hell.
Hell in this Life and Hereafter
Sister, given what you experienced with this man, life with him would be hell this life and may lead you to hell in the hereafter. It sounds like if you were to marry him he would be a most horrible husband and make your life a misery. Please do look at the situation from the outside. If you had a younger sister that came to you asking you this question what would you advise her? Would you look at his character and say “oh yes he sounds like a wonderful man what a great loss”, or would you see that this man is not a good person?
Sister often times our emotions can cloud our judgment and our ability to analyze a situation. If you step back from your emotions (which is hard to do right now I understand), you would see clearly that Allah does not wish for you to be with this man. It may not because he is such a wonderful man, but because he is such a horrible man. Allah wants better for you sister, please be patient. Please repentant if you haven’t already, look at the situation from a third-person perspective, and make duaa for clarity. Insha’Allah you will begin to realize that a wonderful life awaits you as you renew your relationship with Allah, set your affairs straight, and seek that which is good and wonderful for you. You are in our prayers we wish you the best.
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.