As salamu alaykum,
Shokran for writing to our live session sister. I am sorry to hear about your situation. In reading your question what caught my attention was that you stated you accepted your current engagement for your elders. As you did not expand on that, I’m not really sure what you mean, however I hope you are not marrying your cousin only to please your family.
Marriage is an Important Step
Marriage is a very important step in life. It is pertinent that when considering marriage, you choose somebody who you like. It is important that you have things in common and are compatible. Sister from what it sounds like, you still have feelings for your other cousin whom you are writing about. You stated he has all the qualities of a good Muslim and that you like him, but you couldn’t do anything. I take this to mean that you are pressure to marry your other cousin to please your parents and family. As you are not yet married I would kindly advise you insha’Allah to think about this situation. Going into a marriage just to please parents and family is not always a good idea, especially if you do not like the person, you do not know the person, or you feel you are incompatible. In your case you already like your other cousin and think about him all the time. Perhaps this cousin is the one that you should marry. You stated that he did ask for your hand in marriage however it was not accepted due to their status. This is not an Islamic reason to turn down a marriage.
Speak with Parents
Sister if possible, I will kindly ask you to speak with your parents about your feelings. Please do use the Qur’an and hadiths to illustrate who is permissible for marriage and what qualities they should have. While status is one quality that may be sought, a pious Muslim always comes first. One may have high status yet not be a practicing Muslim. While one may have high status, there may be compatibility or other issues. I would kindly ask that insha’Allah, you ask your parents to reconsider their position regarding your other cousin.
Engaged with Feelings for Another
Going into a marriage and having feelings for someone else is not recommended. You may wish to call off the engagement, so you and your family may work this out. On the other hand, as you are 26 years old and you are not a minor, you are able to make your own decision regarding who you will marry.
Pleasing Parents vs Future Marriage
Pleasing parents is paramount in Islam as you know, however it is your right to marry who you want as long as they are Islamically permissible to you. You do not need your parents’ permission although that would be nice. What is extremely important here, is your future, your happiness and of course your deen. It is also not fair to your other cousin who you are engaged to. Your heart does not appear to be with this engagement. In consideration of these things it is important that you marry someone that you would like to marry. Insha’Allah, please do consider calling off the marriage and speak with your parents about these facts in a respectful way.
I understand your concern right now about seeing your cousins’ posts and how heartbroken he feels, as well as how you feel. In this time however, please do not contact him as it is haram because you are engaged. You need to take care of this current engagement situation first (if you chose), speak with your parents, set your intentions, and make duaa to Allah for direction.
If you do decide to call off the marriage and speak with your parents and they are agreeable after you have provided Islamic proofs to your right to marry who you want, you may wish to have a family member contact his family. Insha’Allah he will still be available for marriage. If your family does not agree, you must take that big step in deciding what to do. You could go forth with a marriage you may not want which may hurt you in the future, or you could choose to marry the cousin that you do like and wish to marry. In either case sister there will be sacrifices and tests.
Please make duaa to Allah and chose the marriage path that will produce the most successful marriage, and the one that would be the best for your Islam. We wish you the best, you are in our prayers.
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.