Salam Alaikum,

Thank you for submitting your question. Here are the answers:

Question 1

Salam. I have a question regarding my three-and-a-half-year-old daughter. This incident happened when she was about three years old. One day she was constipated so I decided to use a baby laxative. Till this day, I feel so worried about her. As I was putting the laxative in, I have a feeling (but I am not sure) that the laxative went in the vaginal area. There was a little blood on the laxative and I am very concerned. After that incident, I haven’t and won’t use laxatives on her again. Also there has never been any blood after that incident. I would like to know: could it have interfered with her virginity at such a young age?

As salamu alaykum,

Shokran for writing to our Live Session. I am sorry to hear of your difficulty in administering a laxative to your daughter. As a parent it can be challenging to know what to do when our children get sick, especially if we are not familiar with the condition or specific body part.

Confusion in Applying Medication

In your daughter’s case she was constipated and you used a baby laxative. That is what most parents what do in addition to increasing fluid intake such as water and adding more vegetables and fiber to the child’s diet. However, as there was blood on the laxative tubing you are concerned. Additionally, you are not sure if you put the medication in her vagina or anus.

Consulting a Physician or Pharmacist

It is a good practice to consult a child’s pediatrician or even the pharmacist in cases where one is not sure of the correct way to administer medication. Parents may feel shy to ask as it may seem like a simple treatment but if you’re not sure, asking is the best thing to do. Life is a constant learning process and we learn by asking questions, observing, and practicing. This is especially true when we have children!

Knowing the Body

In addition to consulting your child’s pediatrician, knowing basic body anatomy will greatly help when treating a sick child. It appears that there was some confusion as to which part of her body that the laxative went in. You were not sure if it was the anal or vaginal area. By becoming familiar with body parts, it takes the guesswork out of “what goes where”. When giving children medication it is important to know body anatomy. When we know the basics about the body, how it works and which opening does what -it makes it easier to look for signs and symptoms of infections or problems. It also increases confidence that medication is administered in the right location.

Concerns About Medication Administration

Sister, in your case you were not sure if the medication went into your daughter’s rectum or vagina. It may be that it went in the correct place which would be the rectum because it appears to have worked for her and it did not harm her. You did not state if she had any other symptoms or issues afterwards thus she is likely okay. If the medication went into her vagina, there probably would have been a different reaction, I’m not sure as I am not a doctor. If it went into the vagina instead of the anus, her constipation would have still been present and you may have seen leakage of the medication from the vagina.

Blood on the Medication Applicator

Sister you are still concerned because there was a little blood on the laxative applicator. This could have happened because of a small tear or injury prior to you administrating the medication. Perhaps your child was straining to go to the bathroom and developed a little fissure or tear in the rectum tissue. You may have caused a small tear in the rectum when you inserted it. Either way as it has been six months your daughter appears to be healed and doing well!

Virginity

As there was blood, you are worried that by administering the medication it has affected or interfered her virginity. Sister, I am confused as to why you would think that she would no longer be a virgin, or that her status of virginity has changed. Administering medication for constipation in the anus or for an infection in the vagina it does not interfere with one’s virginity. For a girl/woman, virginity is defined as one who has not had sex. Having sex means that a penis enters the vagina/anus. As this did not happen sister there is nothing that you should worry about concerning this.

Conclusion

Sister I am sure that your daughter is all right. As there have been no further problems or issues with her health, I kindly advise you to relax, know you did your best, and that your daughter is okay! Insha’Allah, you may want to read books or listen to some webinars about body anatomy, how a child’s body changes with growth, as well as how to treat simple common childhood health issues. You may also ask your child’s doctor for some good material to read. Parenthood is challenging at times but by asking questions and learning, we somehow make it through! You sound like a wonderful mom and your daughter is blessed to have such a caring and concerned parent. We wish you the best.

***

Question 2

I have a daughter who will be turning 1 year old tomorrow. She has been crawling since 5 months and pulled up at 6 months, and has been cruising since 7 months. I thought for sure she would be walking by now, but so far, it hasn’t happened. Her doctor estimated that she would walk at 13 1/2 months, he says that it has something to do with a reflex they have to develop in order to catch themselves when/if they fall.

I thought for sure he was wrong when he told me that at her 9-months checkup, but now that she’s almost a year old and still not walking, he might be right! She is so frustrated right now because she wants to walk, but can’t. She loves to walk with her push toys. I can’t keep her off of them!!! She walks well with them. At 10 months she started letting go and trying to walk to me, but it’s only a few steps (3-5) and then she collapses in my arms. Anyone else have a similar situation?

As salamu alaykum,

Shokran for writing to our Live Session. We are most happy to assist you with your question Insha Allah. You are a wonderful mom and this is such an exciting time of your daughter’s growth and development. You must have such fun watching her grow, learn new things, and discover her abilities!

Developmental Milestones

Sister, you stated your daughter is one years old and has been crawling since five months. She also has been cruising since seven months of age. Based on your daughters previous accelerated milestones, naturally you thought she would be walking by now but she has not. You consulted with her doctor concerning her stages of growth and development, and he estimated that she would walk at about 13 and 1/2 months of age. While you initially doubted him, you can see based on what pediatricians know about the stages of growth and development that children go through, as well as his knowledge of your own child’s development, that he was correct.

Growth and Development Varies

Sister, children develop at all sorts of different rates. While there are basic guidelines that pediatricians look for concerning development, there is some leeway in regards to timing. Some children begin to walk before a year old, some children begin walking months after a year milestone. The time of walking independently depends on many variables; however, most children turn out just fine even if they are outside of the expected perimeters.

Delight in Movement

Sister, your daughter in her delight for movement, may grow impatient with her inability to walk independently at this moment. However, she finds joy in walking with her push toys! That is a very important part of learning to walk. As she gains more control over her muscles and confidence with her push toys, she will begin walking without them and she will be so proud of herself!!

Learning to Walk

Most children do learn to walk using push toys, a parent’s hand, a sibling’s leg, furniture, and so on. This helps them to gain balance, strengthen their muscles, and increase confidence. Eventually they begin to let go of toys and other things that they once hung on to. In your daughter’s case she is already taking a few steps towards you by herself! This is very common for babies to do and she is well on her way to walking!

Conclusion

Sister I kindly suggest that when she is walking towards you that you keep encouraging her, smiling at her, and praising her efforts. In no time at all, she will be a solo walker and then she will be running all over the house! Then your work will really begin as you will have to run after her! I have often heard parents lamenting “oh I wish my child would just crawl for a few hours! She is all over the house now!” Thus, your sweet little daughter is gearing up to keep you busy!  We wish you the best.

***

Question 3

Assalamu alaikum, I have been deceived by my parents several times. Example my father converted my message into a troll & sent it to my Aunty, alleging that I wrote those messages to him. My mother uses Islam as a weapon to abuse me in all forms; cursing me, alleging me & branding me a liar whenever I reveal her ill-doings. My younger brother also abuses, & all three bring back my past to humiliate me. Because I could not bear their deception, thus, I started banging things. They start abusing me, threatening to send me to the police & worse. Thus, I left the house & went far away. I always scream at Allah by names for giving me such a evil family. I believe Allah wants me to be a criminal so that he can easily put me to hell. He wants to ruin my life! He is always there for parents; not for children.

As salamu alaykum sister,

Shokran for writing to our Live Session. I am really sorry to hear about all the abuse you were going through at home. Sadly, this is a common source of pain and trauma for many children and also a reason why many children run away from home. Thank you for trusting us with your situation sister, we will do our best to offer you some possible solutions.

Abusive Family

You stated you left home and went far away due to being abused and deceived by your parents and younger brother. You gave examples of the abuse and I can imagine it has hurt you very much. Sadly, we cannot choose how our family or others treat us, however we can choose how we react. I am not sure of the dynamics of your family completely however I am wondering if you tried resolving the situation before you left. I know this is extremely hard when you are suffering and hurt however this would have included informing someone whom you trust about the situation at home so they can help intervene.

Counseling would also be an option. Family intervention from an outside organization either Islamic or not may have helped prevent the situation from continuing. Sister I am not sure if you have tried any of these resolutions but at the present moment you are not in the home so we will address your current situation in regards to your pain, sadness, and loss of trust in Allah swt.

Safety

You did not state your age therefore I cannot address such things as getting a job, finding an apartment, and so forth. All I can do is to ask that insha’Allah, to please take care of yourself and be safe. Seek out community organizations that can assist you and help keep you safe. Choose wisely, don’t let others out in the world abuse or use you.

Love Yourself-End the Abuse

Insha’Allah, wherever you are, please do not fall into bad situations, behaviors, or a lifestyle that could hurt you. By doing so, you are only continuing the abuse that your parents started. You are better and stronger than that. You deserve to heal, to be happy, to be successful, and to grow into the beautiful young woman that Allah intended you to be. Do not let your parents abuse cause you to abuse yourself.

Love yourself enough to treat yourself with honor, dignity, and kindness. Do not become your parents!  Insha’Allah, get counseling or reach out to a crisis intervention service to get help. It sounds like you are very hurt, depressed, and angry with good reason. This is not a healthy state of mind. No one should be treated in this manner especially by family. Though you are no longer there, naturally the pain continues.

It doesn’t have to though sister, you have the option to turn all of this around, heal, and have a beautiful life. Sadly, many children/teens/adults have been abused and with help, get through the trauma and pain. You will too, I have faith in you that you will. Please have that same faith and love for yourself to survive this.

Allah did not Create you to be Abused

Sister I want you to remember always, that Allah created you as a beautiful human being and He loves you. He did not create you to be abused or hurt. Those are the sins of your parents and family. Those are the sins they have chosen. Allah did not tell them to do this nor did Allah create you as a beautiful child to be harmed or abused. That is a sin and your parents and your brother will be accountable to Allah for how they have treated you. Your responsibility is to remain faithful to “self”, to care for “self” and to love yourself. By beginning to love yourself, you will in turn be able to feel Allah’s love and mercy for you. One cannot feel the love of Allah or others if self-love is absent.

Emotions, Pain, and Allah

My dear sister, I understand you are upset and rightfully so. You may even feel betrayed. I imagine all of the years this has been going on you are traumatized and not really sure what to do or even how to feel. You stated you are angry and that you feel that Allah wants you to be a criminal so He can put you in hell. Sister this is not true. This is a reflection of the pain and abuse you have gone through from your family not from Allah. Allah loves you and wants you to have the best things in life. However, in this life we have choices. Allah did not create us as robots. He gave us free will to do what is right or to do what is wrong. Insha’Allah you will choose love and healing…

Reflections

Your parents are doing what is wrong and that is not a reflection on Allah but it is a reflection on them. I kindly ask you sister to put the blame, hurt, pain and anger where it belongs-and that is with the people who are abusive towards you-your parents. I asked you to kindly remember dear sister that when Allah created your parents He did not create them to be evil, mean, or abusive. They chose to be that way. It makes Allah sad when parents are abusive. More importantly, it also makes Allah angry because parents are commanded to be kind to their children and merciful. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

“Love your children, and be kind and merciful to them. Fulfill your promises made to them since children consider their father to be the one who provides for their sustenance.” (Makarim al-Akhlaq, p.219.)

Please Seek Allah swt

I ask insha’Allah that you please seek Allah for blessings and protection. It is said that when one takes a few steps towards Allah He takes 100 running towards us. How profound is that? What you have been through is not your fault nor Allah’s. Draw close to Allah, He will bless you immensely.

Possible Outcomes

Sister, I do want to emphasize guarding your safety and seeking help to resolve the situation. The resolution may be that if you are old enough and able, you are going to be on your own, have a job and an apartment. If you are still a child however, you may need to either stay with a family member who treats you with respect and love or seek out a mediator to help you through the process of resolving the issues within your family.

Conclusion

In addition to keeping safe, getting counseling, or seeking out Crisis Intervention, I asked you to please pray… I understand your anger, but Allah did not create this situation, your family did. Insha’Allah start going to a Masjid. Ask if they have supportive services, sister groups, or other resources for stability and protection. Seek out a sister whom you can trust and feel close to, who can be your mentor, your best friend, and someone who will be supportive of you during these difficult times. Promise to love yourself, to keep safe, and to make healthy decisions. You are in my prayers, please reach out to us again to let us know how you are.

***

Question 4

Hello. It’s already 14 years since the first time I feeling my body feel strange. That time, like I will faint. So I go to nurse office at school and try to sleep. Furthermore. It’s happened more and more. When I ride my motorcycle. When I at class. That’s why, I can’t continue my university education. It feel there’s no peace from I wake up to sleep. I am not sure what happened and I don’t think there’s any trigger. My head, my vision, my breathing, and my chest feel weird. That’s happened almost for 4-5years and happened everyday. I usually try to calm myself or cry or sleep. I thought am I going to die? With all strange feel at my body and mind. There’s time like my head would explode and I go crazy. I got sleep paralize a lot. It’s stopped for around 3-4years and start again. It not everyday now. But I still feel weird and I think that my heart or breath suddenly will stop. I not sure what happens to me. is it medical? Or other than medical?

As salamu alaykum,

Shokran for writing to our Live Session. I am sorry to hear about all of the physical and mental symptoms that you are going through. According to your question, you have been experiencing strange bodily sensations for 14 years.

Ruling out Medical Conditions

Sister I’m wondering if you have gone to your doctor to get a physical. It would be best to rule out any possible medical condition such as diabetes, asthma, thyroid disorders and so forth. Once you find out that you have a clean bill of health you may wish to request from your doctor a referral to a counselor.

Possible Anxiety/Panic Disorder

From the symptoms you have described it sounds like you may be suffering from anxiety or panic disorder. You can find more about panic and anxiety here. Please note that only a professional can diagnose you, these references are for your educational purposes to help you understand what may be going on.If you are suffering from panic or anxiety disorder it is treatable. You do not have to continue suffering with these terrible feelings and Sensations.

Counseling

Sister I kindly suggest insha’Allah that once you have a physical exam by your physician and everything is okay, that you do go for an assessment with a counselor. There are many treatments for anxiety or panic disorder that are very effective. Once you engage in treatment you will begin to feel so much better.

Mental Health and Stigma

Sometimes people do not want to go to counseling because they are afraid or they think there is a stigma, however we need to keep in mind that our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being is all one. It is part of being a human being. When we do not feel right it is best to address all aspects of our human existence.

Mental Health Issues are Common

Panic and anxiety are very common as is depression. Millions of people suffer from these mental illnesses through no fault of their own. Sometimes the causes can be environmental and other times it can be genetic or biological.  According to ADAA (1), “anxiety disorders  are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older.”

Spiritual Care

Spiritually, please make duaa to Allah that He grants ease in this situation and helps you on your healing path. You may want to do dzhikr which is very helpful for the symptoms you are feeling. Also reciting the Qur’an has a very healing effect upon believers.

Conclusion

Sister what you are experiencing may be anxiety/panic disorder, which is very common. Please do get a medical exam to rule out any physical cause. Insha’Allah all will be well. From there please go to a counselor in your area for an assessment and ongoing counseling if it is found to be mental health related. Success rates are very good; thus, you can start your healing journey and move forward with life without these bothersome and alarming symptoms. We wish you the best.

1. https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/facts-statistics