Wa ’Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

My dear sister in Islam, if beating you “severely”, abandoning you, cussing at his elders (your parents), blindly following his mother and sister and not having a life of his own, and, most of all, abandoning his baby daughter are not enough to make you feel differently about him, what can I say to make you “wake up and smell the coffee”, so to speak? Therefore, I would examine your appreciation of yourself (your own self-worth) instead of challenging your appreciation of him.

Do you think that you do not deserve better? Do you think that he is the only man that will ever want you or have you (and he does not deserve the honor of being called a man). Many men would love to marry a woman who does “whatever my husband wants”. Why don’t you fear for your safety, for your sanity, for your Islam, for your baby’s safety? If he hits you severely, don’t you think that he would hit his child, too? He doesn’t even want her!

Have you ever heard the expression, “keep your eyes on the prize”? I think you need a new prize to keep your eyes on: Paradise (Jennah), not him! Figure out how to get to Jennah. We all need a partner in that path because Allah (swt) created us in pairs. To me, he is not a person who is a good partner. According to the Quran, a “man” is someone who cares for women and children. He is a provider and protector of women and children. Your husband it the opposite!

Please consider finding a “real” man, one who fears Allah (swt) and has feeling in his heart for his children so that he would not abandon his children. A man who fears Allah (swt) does not verbally abuse his elders. A man who fears Allah (swt) would love his wife—the opposite of beating her severely!

Love makes the heart safe. The person is able to live his/her life fully, feeling strengthened and motivated to be a productive person, free to help others because their needs are met. This is what a mother needs to feel to be able to take care of small children who need care and protection 24 hours a day. It is very hard to raise a child; it is very demanding. Your focus should be on that (as your duty to Allah and to your child) so that you can win Allah’s (swt) pleasure and go to Jennah, in sha’Allah. Your focus, time, and energy should not be on how to survive an abusive marriage and still be there for your child!

May people do not want divorce because of its cultural stigma and because our religion says that it should not be your first line of defense, but it should be your last. My dear sister, please know that you have every right to get a divorce in this case. I would even be so bold as to say that divorce in your case is your duty; in my opinion, you should not stay married to this person because he is a serious danger to your and your child’s safety! May Allah (swt) forgive me if I am wrong, but I am being sincere to you and Allah (swt) about what I feel in this case.

May Allah (swt) make it easy for you!