Asalaamu alaykum my dear sister in Islam,

I approach you with the warmest love when I say this: run from anyone who tells you to get married because it’s “what you should do after you convert”. Theresa Corbin and I have actually written extensively on this topic in our book for new Muslims, which is being published later this year. But for now, let me direct you to a blog post we wrote on this topic.

Essentially, contrary to what the aunties in the masjid (mosque) try to tell you, no, it’s not haraam (unlawful) to be single. And no you don’t need a “good reason” to choose to stay single. You don’t ever have to get married if that is your deal. This whole “Oh, but not being married is a great fitnah (trial) on the earth! Getting and being married completes half of our deen (religious obligations)” is just bologna, through and through. For one thing, that hadith (saying of Prophet Muhammad) was declared weak by Ibn Hajar and other scholars. This means we can’t be sure he even said it, and it’s likely he didn’t.

Now, think for a second: were you desperate to jump into a haraam relationship with anyone of the opposite sex 5 minutes before you said shahadah? If not, you aren’t suddenly that way now. And even if you do get married, fitnah still exists. Take as much time as possible to dedicate your heart to Allah. Be OK with being alone with Him. He wants to be nearer to you or He wouldn’t have guided you to Islam. Take time to learn the ins-and-outs, but stick to the basics. When you have developed a solid sense of what the difference between religion and culture is, you’ll be safe from the frequent, soul-crushing issues many of us converts have had to learn the hard way.

I hope this helps. Please keep in touch. Salam.