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About marriage

As-Salamu ‘Alaikum sister,

 

It is a difficult situation to be in when two people wish to get married, but they don’t have the support of the family. You are torn between abandoning the proposal to please the family but potentially face unhappiness in a marriage and displeasing the family to satisfy your desire to marry the person you wish to. Forced marriages are not ok in Islam and, therefore, if his family adhers to Islamic principles, then they should not force this marriage to another girl against his wishes. However, even if they don’t force him, it seems that they will be displeased with him if he does not agree to it, which could have devastating consequence for him within the family, unless they change their minds.
During this time, it is important to be careful not to fall into sin due to the love that you have for each other despite the opposition of his family. Until you are actually married, you are haram for each other and, therefore, any contact that occurs between the two of you should be in the presence of your mahram.

 

There are a couple of ways you can consider approaching your situation. Firstly, he can speak with his father about the situation. Let his father know that he has found a woman he wants to marry and that he does not want to marry the one his father wants to make the proposal with. If he will find it difficult to approach his father on his own, then he could enlist the assistance of a trusted family member who will support his decision to marry you. He could then approach his father and explain the situation with the support of someone else, which might work to convince his father. It may be that his father is not fully aware of his feelings for you and that is why he has sought another girl for him. If he knows his son’s feelings for you, then maybe this will be enough to change his mind on the matter and support you in getting married to him.

 

If you have the support of your family, then you could go with a couple of your family members, ideally your mahram, and arrange to meet his family to discuss the matter as a whole family unit – both yours and his. If his family meet yours, they may be more agreeable to the marriage as they get to know your family and know more about you and, therefore, happy for you to marry him. Parents like to know that their child is marrying a righteous spouse from a good family. If you can show this to him, then, in sha’ Allah, he will be pleased to see this marriage go ahead without the need to search elsewhere.

 

If this still doesn’t work to convince his father, then it is still possible for you to pursue the marriage, if you wish, without his support. But be aware of the potential consequences of doing so, especially if his father never comes to accept it and how this may have an impact on his relationship with his family as well as your own marriage to him later on in life. It is important to take time to make careful consideration of these things, too.

 

In the mean time, always remember to seek the support of Allah (swt), pray for him to bring you ease in the situation and make the best decisions regarding the situation – decisions that will be best for you and the other man and most importantly will be pleasing to Allah (swt).

 

Salam,

Thursday, Jan. 01, 1970 | 00:00 - 00:00 GMT

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