Salam Alaikum sister, I just got divorced. I am a Muslim woman. I crave love and I am scared I will do something haram. What can I do with my desires after divorce?
As salamu Alaykum dear sister,
Thank you for writing to our live session. I am sorry to hear about your divorce sister, however, Allah Knows Best. I am sure that you will be in a better position in the future. Getting divorced is an emotional experience that can cause not only pain, depression, and sadness, which can be worked through, it also leaves one desiring love, intimacy, and a connection.
Voids After Divorce-Desire
When one is married and then gets divorced, there appears to be avoided because you are used to being with someone. You are used to sharing special intimate times with a husband. Now that there is no longer a husband, you are left with just your feelings of desire.
Dealing with Desires
Sister, I kindly advise you to consider keeping your mind busy to ward off your desires. While desires are normal and natural as we are human beings, there are things we can do to decrease the intensity and frequency. Take up a new hobby, join a gym and engage in an exercise program, attend social events with friends, join Islamic classes for learning and increasing your knowledge, get more involved with life activities and acts of worship. You may wish to read Qur’an or make duaa when you are feeling desire. It is difficult to feel desire when one is focused on spiritual pursuits.
Fear of Haram Acts
I understand you are afraid you will do something haram, but if you keep yourself busy in a halal way, and keep yourself in halal situations, that will decrease the chances of doing something wrong. If you keep your mind focused on activities that are engaging and upbuilding, that will also help you to avoid haram behaviors.
Go to Allah for Strength
I kindly advise that insha’Allah, you also make duaa to Allah and ask Him to help guide you and deal with the situation of your feelings for desire. By depending on, and trusting in Allah’s mercy and protection, insha’Allah you will soon find that your desires are more manageable.
Life after divorce is not an easy transition and feelings of desire may be one of the hardest to deal with. However, with an active lifestyle involving a balance in the areas of Islamic activities, family, friends, personal pursuits, you should be able to control your feelings of desire. When our lives are not balanced and lack positive things and people, we tend to have more time to overthink our issues especially regarding a desire for intimacy. Please do try the tips and advises sister, insha’Allah it will help. We wish you the best!
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