Dear sisters and brothers,
Thanks for participating in the session.
Check out the 11 questions our counselor just answered. Didn’t see yours? No worries! Join our next session or resubmit your question for another chance to get advice. Stay tuned for more!
Disclaimer & Call for Help:
We have received many letters that reflect hopelessness and despair. Alhamdulillah, you have done the right thing by reaching out!
If you are struggling with depression, self-harm, or suicidal thoughts, please know that you are not alone, and help is available. While I offer guidance and support, we strongly encourage you to reach out to a trusted professional, counselor, or crisis hotline for immediate assistance. Below, we list some hotlines and resources where you can get the help you deserve. You matter; please make the next step and seek support.
Australia: Hayat Line
UK: Grassroots Helpline – Stay Alive
Question 1. Conversion from Muslim
Hi, recently I have not been feeling well because I am unable to secure employment. I am stressed and overwhelmed as I have to worry about my rent. My father no longer financially supports me, and I have had no contact with him for the last two months after I had an argument with him; I hate my father to death!
I am doing a small job that does not pay well, plus my manager does not give me enough shifts; sometimes there would be no work at all for a week! I have been looking for remote jobs, but I am not able to find anything suitable. I have gone to the City Centre, and asked every shop, restaurant and retail store if there is any vacancy, but there is none!
I have no interest in life. I have lost faith in Allah; given up on salah. Everyday I wake up with no hope. Also, I am getting more drawn to Hinduism, and I feel like venerating/worshipping Hindu idols.
I know that I have not been successful in my life so far, and obviously credit goes to Allah for that. If I look at my life, I see nothing good Allah has ever given me: no good parents, siblings, relatives, teachers-academics and friends. At the end of the day, I’m lonely and there is no one beside me.
I have stopped contributing to zakat and helping homeless people because I need my meagre savings to support myself; obviously Allah won’t help me when my savings are gone!
I am spiraling down the rabbit hole, and I don’t even feel like eating and taking care of myself. I know I cannot express my feelings otherwise people make fun of me, including the pious Muslims. I am having suicidal ideation and started self-loathing. I can see people around me becoming successful but I am stuck in a rut – this is frustrating! What’s worse is when I raise my issues with Muslim scholars, they blame me. If Islamic scholars are like this, do you think it is sensible to continue following Islam? I feel like l want to be a Hindu.
Why did Allah create Satan when Allah himself is evil who is distressing me every single second? If Allah hates me so much, then why has He created me?
I am going insane, and I am scared to dream big lest Allah destroys it as He has done before. There is nothing I have to be grateful to Allah, as He gave nothing but shame and dishonour. I have lost interest in knowing Allah and Islam, as there is nothing good in them at all.
I have been applying for jobs at universities and big pharmaceutical companies, still I cannot get a job. Every few months landlords evict me out, and I find it stressful to find a suitable place to live. Obviously, my British Muslim friends (I thought they were my friends, when they are not) really don’t help me. I am suffering!
No one cannot see my tears rolling down my eyes. My heart is heavy with sorrow and I am completely lost. Facebook statuses have made me realise how unpleasant my life is! Those updates show the success stories of the people, and this makes me feel more deprived and worthless. I no longer feel like applying for jobs after several rejection.
I feel angry and I feel like killing people who have ruined my life, especially my parents and teachers (from schools and university). My life is miserable. I have been to a psychiatrist back in my home country, and just like Islamic scholars, he blamed me. There is actually no help for me available in this world. Even the pious Muslims are bad, and I didn’t know about this. One thing wearing hijab-nikab-burqa makes a pious Muslim, but that is totally wrong and misleading! I am scared of such Muslims, and now I have learned even pious Muslims aren’t worth having friends.
I am always in search of a God to whom I could complain against Allah so that God can punish Him for what He has done to my life. I feel suffocated and hopeless because of Allah. Sometimes, I believe Allah is a false God. I am tearing myself up! Everyday my head is filled with my negative past, and an inner voice tells me, ‘you cannot deny them, because they happened to you for real’. I feel like taking revenge on those people who have ruined my life. I feel like shouting and screaming, letting everything come out, but I keep myself shut. I can feel the pressure building within me, leaving me exasperated. I feel like cursing!
I call Allah by unpleasant names because He has been quite unpleasant to me. There is not a drop of goodness He has ever done to make my life better. I hate everyone in this world!
Why am I not successful in life? Why do people hate me? Why does Allah never give me anything good?
There is no hope in Allah and His ugly religion Islam. I want to die because I can’t tolerate it anymore!
Assalamualaikum, sister,
Thank you for sharing your struggle. I’m truly sorry to hear about the distress, disappointment, sadness, and hopelessness that come through in your letter. It seems that you are at a very dark point in your life, feeling lost and without hope in the people around you. You even feel as though everything that is happening—or not happening—is due to Allah, and you’re questioning your faith. You mention that no one supports you, that you have no family or friends to rely on, and that despite applying for jobs, you haven’t had any success. On top of that, you’re struggling financially, unable to pay your rent, and your father is not providing any help. You feel as though life is miserable, and to make matters worse, you feel that Islamic scholars are blaming you. Even when you sought help from a psychiatrist back home, you felt blamed rather than supported.
I’m really sorry that you are going through all of this, sister. This must be an incredibly frightening and lonely place to be when it seems like no one is there to help you and everything feels so hopeless.
From what you’ve described, the first thing that comes to my mind is that you may be struggling with depression, and I strongly encourage you to seek professional help. Of course, I cannot diagnose you—that is something that must be done in a clinical setting by a professional—but every single line of your letter reflects symptoms of depression. Depression can distort the way we think, making everything seem hopeless, negative, and dark. It’s like wearing glasses that only let you see the worst in everything. But please remember, this is part of an illness, not reality.
That’s why it is so urgent and important for you to reach out to a doctor or therapist as soon as possible. Please go to your local GP and explain that you feel hopeless and unmotivated and that you need help. Depending on their evaluation, they may suggest therapy, medication, or a combination of both. In sha Allah, with time and the right treatment, you will begin to see the world in color again instead of just black and white.
As for your faith, I don’t want to emphasize that too much right now because depression affects the way we think about everything, including our faith. When someone is struggling with depression, they often feel disconnected—not just from people, goals, and life, but also from their spirituality. This is a symptom, not a reflection of your true self. It doesn’t mean you have lost faith, it doesn’t mean you don’t care, and it doesn’t mean you have turned away from Allah. It is simply the way depression works, clouding your mind and making everything feel meaningless. That’s why I believe seeking treatment is the first step. When you start to heal and regain strength, you will also be able to reconnect with your faith in a way that feels genuine and fulfilling.
A good therapist will also help you process the emotions you may have been suppressing, especially regarding your family situation and the lack of support you have experienced. You deserve emotional care, guidance, and support, and I pray that Allah makes this journey easier for you.
Please, sister, don’t delay seeking help. There is hope, and there is healing, in sha Allah. May Allah grant you strength, ease your struggles, and guide you to the support you need.
Question 2. Step daughter
Asalaamalaikum, I got married 3 years ago to a man who has an 11 year old daughter from a previous marriage. We just recently had our own baby Alhamdulillah but I’m still struggling with accepting my step daughter into my life and our family. I don’t know why I am like this. I don’t want to feel this way. But I have this overwhelming feeling of annoyance and anxiety when I am around her. Me and my husband and I recently got the opportunity to move aborad for a year, and I was sooooo excited, until I realized his daughter would have to come with us for a portion of the time. Currently she is with us 50% of the time. So I would be around her 100% of the duration of her stay with us. Most likely it would be 3 months. I am dreading it. How can I overcome this? Even from an Islamic perspective, how can I achieve peace of heart and mind?
Wa alaikom salam,
Thank you for sharing your struggle, sister.
You mentioned that you got married three years ago to a man who has an 11-year-old daughter from his previous marriage. Recently, you had your own baby, Alhamdulillah, but you are struggling with accepting your stepdaughter. You don’t understand why you feel this way, and you don’t want to have these overwhelming feelings of annoyance and anxiety when you are around her. On top of that, you are preparing to move abroad for work for a year, and it seems that she will be staying with you for about three months—but you don’t want that, and you are wondering how to overcome these feelings. You also asked about this from an Islamic perspective—how to achieve peace of heart and mind in this situation.
Sister, I understand that this is difficult for you, and I want to help you explore what might be at the root of these emotions. You mentioned feeling both anxiety and annoyance, but what exactly do these feelings stem from? Do you think there is any possibility that jealousy plays a role? Could it be that, on some level, you feel as though her presence takes away from your husband’s attention toward you and your baby?
One of the first things that comes to my mind is attachment. Even though we are talking about your stepdaughter, attachment issues can still come into play. If you have an insecure attachment in any way, it might make you feel anxious or threatened when it comes to your bond with your husband. Now, I am not saying this is necessarily the case for you, but it is something worth reflecting on. If you feel that your stepdaughter is a threat, it may be beneficial to explore your own attachment style and see whether this anxiety is linked to that. If so, learning more about anxious attachment could help you understand these emotions and find ways to strengthen your sense of security in your marriage.
That being said, I want to reassure you: this is most likely a perceived threat, not a real one. Your husband having a daughter does not mean that his love and attention toward you or your baby are any less. Most likely, his love for his daughter has nothing to do with his love for you or for your new baby. In fact, rather than taking away from your family unit, she could add to it.
From an Islamic perspective, as you know, a father has a responsibility toward his children. While I am not a scholar, I can tell you as a counselor that your husband wanting to include his daughter in your lives is something commendable and rewarding for both of them. Imagine if your own baby were in her place—would you want him to be deprived of his father’s love, attention, and care? Try to put yourself in her shoes: she needs her father as a role model, a source of security, and someone who is there for her emotionally. Allah has entrusted him with this duty, and it is a beautiful responsibility.
At the same time, please remember that his love and care for his daughter are not a threat to your family unit. They do not take away from what you have; rather, they coexist. Try to see this from a different perspective, and in sha Allah, this will help you find peace of heart and mind.
May Allah make this journey easier for you and fill your heart with love and tranquility.
Question 3. Self-harming
We are from a religious household, and I found out one of my siblings is self harming and all the siblings know except my parents. What can I do to help them and should I tell my parents? But I don’t want them to feel hurt or pain. How can I avoid this?
How can I use religion as a way of helping stop self harm without using religious guilt?
Assalamualaikum, sister,
Thank you for writing to us. This is a very important question because you have discovered that one of your siblings is self-harming, and your parents do not know about it. You are wondering what you should do—whether you should tell your parents—and how to help without causing them or your sibling further pain.
First of all, sister, I want to tell you that you have done the right thing by seeking help, mashallah.
Please reflect on something: You are worried about your parents feeling hurt, but what about your sibling? He or she is already in great pain—so much so that they have resorted to self-harm. This is a serious sign and a cry for help, an expression of deep emotional distress that they may not be able to communicate in any other way. So, while your parents’ feelings do matter, your sibling’s pain must be acknowledged and addressed as a priority.
Now, ask yourselves: What is more painful? Knowing that your child is struggling with serious emotional issues or losing them because their pain went unnoticed and untreated? Please, sister, do not let it reach that point. Your sibling needs immediate support, and it is important that your family recognizes that this is not just about religion—it is about emotional and psychological needs that require care and attention.
What can you do?
If your sibling is struggling with self-harm, it is essential to approach them with compassion, not guilt or fear. Sometimes, in religious discussions, we tend to overemphasize fear—threatening with Hellfire, punishment, “haram”—but this is not the right approach here. Allah’s mercy, love, and forgiveness are just as important as His commands. If we want to help, we need to focus on understanding rather than judgment.
Understanding does not mean approving (sinful behavior, if any). Just because you try to understand their struggle does not mean you are approving of the behavior. Your role is to offer kindness and guidance, not condemnation.
What should you avoid?
- Scolding, judging, or criticizing them.
- Using fear-based tactics like emphasizing punishment of Allah.
- Dismissing their pain as just disobedience.
What should you do instead?
- Listen to them. Try to understand what they are feeling and what they might be lacking emotionally.
- Show support. Let them know you care about them and that they are not alone.
- Encourage professional help. This could be through a counselor, therapist, or doctor. Self-harm is often linked to deeper emotional struggles, and seeking professional guidance is crucial.
- Speak to your parents—wisely. If you believe your parents will respond with care and understanding, it may be important to involve them. However, if you fear they might react harshly, seek advice from a professional first on how to approach the situation.
Please, sister, do not delay seeking help. Talk to a trusted counselor or doctor as soon as possible and explain that you have noticed signs of self-harm. Be there for your sibling—not as someone who will judge, but as someone who will support them through their pain.
May Allah make it easy for you and your family, and may He grant healing to your sibling.
Question 4. How to overcome pessimism and overthinking?
I’m suffering from pessimism and overthinking to the point where it disrupts my salah because my head is full of overthinking. I noticed yesterday because I was thinking I was struggling to concentrate on my salah because I keep thinking things like, “it’s my qadr to be unsuccessful”. It makes me upset to the point where I struggle to concentrate and I get overwhelmed and depressed for hours. I used to be a very optimistic person but I kept being surrounded by people who would tell me to think realistically or would just be negative overall and I quickly lost any positive thinking. How do I overcome this?
Assalamu alaikom, sister,
Thank you for writing. You mentioned that you struggle with pessimism and overthinking to the point where it distracts you. You often tell yourself things like, “It is my qadr to be unsuccessful,” which leads to feelings of depression. You used to be an optimistic person, but being surrounded by negative or overly “realistic” people has made you lose your positive mindset. Now, you’re wondering how to overcome this.
Sister, perhaps the answer to your question lies in your last sentence. If you are constantly surrounded by people who are critical and negative, it is natural for that to affect you. The first step in overcoming this is to try to distance yourself from such individuals—whether they are friends or even family members. If physical distance is not possible due to close relationships or shared living spaces, then you must set an emotional boundary. Remind yourself that their negativity is a reflection of their own mindset, not of you. Their pessimistic outlook often stems from deep-seated beliefs and internalized self-talk, which they express outwardly.
Now, regarding your thoughts about failure—ask yourself: What makes you think this way? Has someone told you that you will be unsuccessful? Do you (do they) have any real evidence to support this belief?
Are you certain that you have never accomplished anything?
Success does not always have to be something big. It can be as small as greeting someone kindly, completing a daily task, or helping others. If you struggle to see your achievements, try writing them down every day. Make a habit of listing three to five things you have accomplished—no matter how small they are. This will help you recognize your own progress and capability.
Additionally, reflect on what success truly means and who defines it. According to Islam, true success lies in striving to follow Allah’s guidance, adhering to the Quran, fulfilling daily prayers, and doing good—no matter how small the act. The Quran says:
“Whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger, fears Allah, and has taqwa – they are the successful ones.”
So, if you are sincerely trying to obey Allah, follow the Prophet, peace be upon him, and live with faith and hope, then you are already successful, inshaAllah.
To summarize:
- Set boundaries with negative people—either physically or emotionally.
- Challenge your negative thoughts by questioning their validity.
- Recognize your accomplishments—write them down daily.
- Redefine success based on faith and effort, not just external measures.
- Praise yourself for your efforts, even in small matters like smiling or helping a loved one.
If your pessimism and overthinking feel overwhelming, seek guidance from a counselor. Therapy can help in changing negative thought patterns, and gain a more optimistic perspective.
May Allah make it easy for you,
Question 5. Constant procrastination
I am a girl who is still in high school. I don’t always secure good results, so I keep wanting to be better in order to make my parents proud. But procrastination comes my way as though I am possessed. I never achieve a single goal I set, any time I want to do something of my religious or academic development, I become too reluctant that I can hardly control. I always end up doing unnecessary things. My life just sticks to wastage. I never cling to what matters to me.
As-salamu alaikom, sister,
Thank you for sharing your struggle. You are in high school and feel that you don’t always achieve good results. You really want to improve and make your parents proud, but procrastination holds you back. You set goals but never seem to accomplish them, and whenever you try to focus, you become reluctant and end up doing unnecessary things. You also feel that you don’t hold on to what truly matters to you.
Sister, there are two key issues here, though they are connected.
1. The Desire to Make Your Parents Proud
Wanting to make your parents proud is a deep emotional need that most of us share. We all seek validation, love, and approval from our parents, and when we don’t receive it in the way we hope, we may feel that no achievement will ever be enough. It’s important to understand that your worth is not based on your accomplishments. You are valuable simply for who you are, regardless of grades or success.
I don’t know how your relationship is with them, but every child deserves to feel loved—not just when they achieve something. Praise and love should not be given only when you succeed, and excessive criticism can deeply affect your self-esteem.
2. Procrastination and Fear of Failure
Procrastination and reluctance to act may actually be a form of self-protection. Sometimes, we avoid doing things that truly matter to us because we fear failure. If we don’t try, we don’t have to face the possibility of not succeeding. Deep down, this fear can be linked to feeling “not good enough” or “unworthy.”
But here’s the problem: avoiding challenges may temporarily protect you from disappointment, but in the long run, it does not bring happiness or fulfillment. So what can you do?
- Express Your Feelings to Your Parents (If Possible)
If your relationship with them allows, try to have an honest conversation about how you feel. Let them know you need emotional support and reassurance, not just pressure to achieve.
Ask yourself: Would I feel less pressure if I truly believed that I am loved and valued regardless of my achievements?
- Shift Your Focus from Results to Effort
In Islam, Allah does not judge us by our results, but by our effort and intention.Strive to do your best for His sake, not just for your parents, teachers, or anyone else. The Quran promises that every sincere effort will be rewarded, even if the results are delayed or unseen.
- Redefine Success and Self-Worth
You are not your achievements. Making mistakes is normal and necessary for learning and growth. It is about trial and error, trial and error. Failure does not mean you are a failure—it means you are learning.
- Challenge Your Negative Thoughts
When you think, “I never achieve anything,” ask yourself: Is this really true? Start keeping a daily list of small accomplishments, even minor tasks like completing homework, helping a family member, or simply making an effort. Recognize that progress happens in small steps.
- Consider Counseling if Needed
If your fears and self-doubt feel overwhelming, seeking guidance from a counselor can help.
Therapy or mentorship can assist in rebuilding your self-worth and changing negative thought patterns.
May Allah make this journey easier for you. You are worthy, you are valuable, and you are loved—just as you are.
Question 6. Parents fighting
Asalam Walaikum, I hope your day is going well. I’ve been suffering with mental health issues since the age of seven and I didn’t tell anyone because of two reasons: my family doesn’t care and we lack in funding for health support….
…Why should I be alive when Allah made better people to worship him than me? I always question why did Allah even think of making me? Why even come up with the idea of having someone like me even be born? I don’t know why I said yes to coming on earth, but I wish I wasn’t an atom’s worth of existence. Why was my existence even needed? I wish the idea of me being born never was created. I don’t wanna be human; I don’t want to be an animal; I want to be nothing. Nothing at all like I am now and will always be. I know many people are afraid of death, but I want to die sooner because I bring no value to this world and I’m just a burden. I feel like I’m ranting, but this is the only place I can go to ask this. I have no money for therapy. I don’t want to be this, but I really don’t have the motivation to do anything anymore. I’m so tired, please save me. The world doesn’t want me anyway, and it’s already a disaster. What’s wrong with dying now then later? I know Allah doesn’t make mistakes, but I feel like I am.
As-salamu alaikom, sister,
Thank you for sharing your struggles. I’m really sorry to hear about everything you’ve been through with your family. I can truly hear your pain and desperation. I want to acknowledge that reaching out to us was a brave and important step—Alhamdulillah, that was the right thing to do.
You have explained your relationship with your parents in great detail, and it seems that they don’t provide the attention and care you need. MashaAllah, you have a strong insight into your situation. From what you’ve described, your father is physically present but emotionally distant, and your mother is unable to support you in the way you both need and deserve.
You and every child has the right to be cared for, nurtured, and protected.Your father should be the source of protection, while mother the compassion and warmth.
It sounds like you are not receiving this from either parent, and this must be very painful.
There are two things I want to share with you:
- You mentioned that your parents don’t care for you. I just want to offer a different perspective—sometimes, when parents fail to express love properly, it can feel like they don’t care, but that may not be the case. It’s possible that they lack the skills to show love in a way that you can recognize. Many people from previous generations were never taught how to communicate their emotions effectively, and they were also hurt when they were young. They carry on their own pain, and do not act from a place of peace, rather from their unhealed wounds. They might not even realize how their words and actions (or lack thereof) affect you. Only Allah knows their true intentions, but their inability to express love properly does not necessarily mean they do not love you.
- Even if your parents are unable to provide the care and love you need, remember that Allah is always there for you. He is the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate, and the Most Loving. You can always turn to Him for comfort, guidance, and strength. Sometimes, we don’t receive the love we need from our parents, but we can find it in Allah, within ourselves, and through supportive people around us. You can still cultivate self-love, compassion, and care for yourself.
You mentioned seeking validation from others because you don’t receive it from your family, and that’s a natural response. You long for a loving and supportive family, and that is completely valid.
The good news is that you can nurture these feelings within yourself. Try to take time each day to care for yourself and your emotions. Journaling can help—write down your feelings, your needs, and the things that bring you joy. Make it a habit to do at least three things daily that make you happy, and also 3 things that you can praise yourself for.
The key is to do it for yourself, without comparing your life to others’. Comparison can be harmful to self-esteem because we never truly know what challenges others face behind closed doors.
I can hear how deeply disappointed and sad you feel, and that’s completely understandable. It is painful when parents don’t provide the love and support we need. You mentioned that your cousin’s life seems perfect, but I can assure you that no one’s life is without struggles. They may have things you long for, but you also have qualities and experiences they don’t. Allah promised to test each of us, but maybe in different ways, and while your test is difficult, you are not alone.
I strongly encourage you to seek support. Just like you reached out here, I urge you to continue reaching out to others. If therapy is not an option, consider speaking to a school counselor, a trusted teacher, or looking into community support programs. There may be social assistance programs available, and I will include some links here for you. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t find help immediately—keep trying. Rely on Allah, and continue seeking support in different places.
If you feel that your parents are not listening, try expressing your feelings to them calmly. Let them know that their words and neglect hurt you. It’s not about blaming them but about making them aware of how their actions affect you. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to communicate them.
Lastly, please consider calling a local support hotline. There are people and organizations willing to help, and you are not alone in this. You will see that you will feel better about yourself once you reach out and receive the support you need. May Allah make things easier for you and bring you the love, peace, and happiness you deserve.
Question 7. Parental guilt
I’ve been struggling greatly lately with my Deen because I grew up with a toxic family. Seriously, how come that in our Muslim societies it’s always just the “culture” when I see almost every family being just as toxic, surely religion is also now very questionable. Islam gives parents such a huge status and for what? They can insult and abuse and hit us but we can’t even say anything about that? Or else we’re disrespectful and then God is mad at us. I had a terrible fight with my father and for the first time in my life I completely freaked out. I left home and he stood at the door and shouted words like *** and spat at me. Out of anger I did the same thing back to him. I’ve been treated like this all my life by them and every single time I try to seek help from any Muslim around me they simply tell me to respect my parents and that I should apologize or else when my dad doesn’t forgive me then Allah Allah won’t. When will I ever be told that my father should apologize to me because of the abuse he inflicted upon us. Islam is lacking so much in this topic atp I just hate this religion and thinking of God makes me so angry
Assalamu, alaikom, dear Sister,
Thank you for sharing your letter. I can feel your embarrassment and anger, as well as the deep hurt behind them. You mentioned having a terrible fight with your father, which escalated into a conflict that led you to leave home. He then shouted insulting words after you. You say that you have been treated like this all your life. Every time you seek help from Muslims around you, they simply tell you to respect your parents and apologize.
I understand your pain, sister, and I am truly sorry you are going through this.
Sadly, this is an unfortunate and common experience and you are absolutely right, sister. In Islam, we place strong emphasis on respecting our parents—this command comes directly from the Quran, and we take it seriously. However, sometimes people forget that children also have rights. They deserve to be treated with kindness, fairness, love, and care. The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised to treat family members well, and emphasized the importance of being gentle and compassionate.
When we speak about obeying our parents, we are referring to parents who follow the Quran and Sunnah and act as righteous leaders of the family. Fathers who insult, neglect, hurt, or abuse their children do not fit this example, and blind obedience to such behavior is not what Islam commands.
Allah knows best, but I believe, sister, that you have the right to be treated with kindness and fairness. Parents, like all people, must be accountable for their actions. If a father wrongs his child, he should seek forgiveness—not only from Allah but also from his child. When this does not happen, it creates a deep sense of injustice, making it easy to question the system as a whole.
However, it is important to remember that people have free will. Islam is a system, a framework of guidance, duties and rights, but humans are given free will in how they implement it. When people fail to follow the teachings of Islam, it is not a flaw in the religion—it is a reflection of their own flawed choices.
Unfortunately, we sometimes become victims of other people’s free will, and this is one of the tests of life.
Maybe Allah is testing your reaction and your ability to seek Him despite the hardships you are facing. In times of injustice and oppression, do you turn closer to Allah or further away? Do you question Him or realize the faults of human nature? Can you rely on Him and find comfort in His mercy, even when your own family does not provide it? I encourage you to reflect on this perspective.
It is completely understandable to wish for emotionally mature parents—parents who acknowledge their mistakes, take responsibility for their actions, and strive to improve. That would be ideal, but unfortunately, it is not within your control. What is within your control is how you respond. You can choose to cultivate love, compassion, and inner strength instead of hatred and resentment. How you respond to this test is in your hands.
I do not mean enduring abuse. You have the right to say no, to express that something was hurtful, and to distance yourself from toxic individuals if needed. Cutting ties is not, but maintaining healthy boundaries is important. You can remind your parents to fear Allah and uphold righteousness while also focusing on your own taqwa and self-growth.
If, in a moment of anger, you say something disrespectful, you can take accountability and apologize—for the sake of Allah and your own spiritual growth. This does not mean surrendering to injustice, but rather striving for better communication and not allowing anger to take control. Who knows—perhaps one day, through your patience and strength, you may even serve as an example to your parents.
Sister, please remember that Allah loves you and is always there for you. We are all tested, and sometimes those tests come through our parents. Try to focus on what you can control—your behavior, your words, and your emotional well-being. It is okay to feel anger, sadness, and disappointment over not having the kind of treatment from your parents you wish for. But at the same time, you can work on your responses so that your emotions do not control you.
May Allah make this test easier for you. If you feel that counseling would help, please seek it out—even if you cannot afford therapy, look for resources that can teach you emotional regulation and healthy communication skills. Do not blame yourself for what is out of your control, and may Allah grant you peace, healing, and strength.
Question 8. How can I see Allah positively again?
Salam. I’m a high school student, and for a few years now I’ve been struggling mentally and religiously. I believe that Islam is the truth, and scientifically, the religion makes sense to me. But I can’t seem to do the same spiritually. I used to find peace in Allah. It made me feel lighter every time I prayed. But I’m starting to think that was because I was naive then and didn’t know much else except that Allah is All-Knowing. But now I feel empty every time I pray or do anything related to religion. May Allah forgive me for this, but a lot of the time I feel like Allah deeply resents me and will throw me in hell forever for not hating disbelievers, not agreeing with Islamic terrorists, (as some say a Muslim should) and questioning a lot of Islamic ruling related to women and disbelievers. I am constantly surrounded by Islamophobia, get bullied at school, can’t talk to my parents as they see me as a disappointment, don’t have anyone in this world I can merely speak to, feel suicidal but am terrified of being thrown in hell forever, and a lot more. This has caused my anxiety to sky rocket, to the point where I lock myself in a room and start crying, shaking, sweating, throwing up, etc. Is this happening to me because God hates me? How can I find peace in Allah again and stop seeing him as some deity controlling the matrix that hates and will punish anyone who disagrees with His tyrannical rules and beliefs meant to control and repress others, especially woman, who seem to have been created as mere sex objects for men that lead them astray (sorry for the language)? How do I restore my faith in Allah and find peace?
Assalumu alaikom, dear sister,
Thank you for sharing your struggles. I understand that as a high school student, you’ve been struggling mentally and religiously for a few years now. You used to find peace in Allah and in religion but nowadays you feel He resents you and will punish you.
You’re feeling like there’s no one you can talk to, and that your parents see you as a disappointment. This is truly a sad situation, and I want to tell you that you are not alone—this is why it’s important to seek help. You have done the first step, masallah, by reaching out to us.
We all feel overwhelmed sometimes, and it’s okay to feel sad or disappointed. But please know that you are not alone.
If you’re feeling anxious, it’s important to talk to your parents and let them know that you need help. If you need to, reach out to a doctor or mental health professional. I’m also going to share some links above where you can get support and motivation. Don’t hesitate to call and ask for help. It’s important to talk to your GP so they can evaluate your situation and suggest possible treatment or interventions, if necessary.
Just like I am here to hear you and help you, I am sure that locally you will also find helping hands. It may seem like there is no one to talk to, but I’m sure that if you reach out for help, you’ll find it. A school counselor or someone in your community could be a good starting point.
Talk to your parents about how you’re feeling and let them know that you’re struggling. Tell them that you love them, and you are anxious, and feel alone with your struggles and need their help.
I’m sure they love and care for you and want to help, even if they cannot express it well or they are critical in their comments. I am not sure, but probably they have no tools to communicate better, without hurting you; maybe they do not even realize that the way they behave is hurtful. It is a test for them also, and a call for change.
Also, if you’re experiencing bullying at school, please talk to your teachers or school counselors about it—schools are supposed to have anti bullying policies and they should intervene and investigate what happens. They are there to support you and other students and will take immediate action.
I understand that these events are too overwhelming, and as a result you are questioning Islam. But please remember, don’t judge the religion based on the actions of people who may not represent it well. People can make mistakes, go astray, or even misuse religion. Islam is a faith of peace, kindness, and care for others. It should inspire love and compassion in your heart, and guide you to be a positive force in society.
Focus on the hope and merciful message and check from where you get those hateful and negative teachings. It might help to unfollow certain accounts on social media that are causing you distress. Unfortunately, there is a lot of harmful content, even in the name of religion. Sometimes even clips made with good intentions but taken out of context can cause confusion. If needed, take a break from social media altogether. Social media can sometimes amplify negative feelings, and it’s important to protect your mental well-being.
Rather you may join a study circle locally, or check a good and reliable course online, where you can study about the religion. Quran, tafseer, Arabic, learning about the names of Allah, etc, whatever sparks your interest, there are many good online resources that focus on the teachings, and not on what Muslims do here and there. They can help you to clear misconceptions, and put the teachings in the right perspective.
It may feel like you’re surrounded by darkness, but please know there is always a way out. Life can be tough, but you are not alone in this struggle. Many people are here to support you, including me. Please, reach out for help.
Sending you lots of strength and love. Please keep us updated about your wellbeing. May Allah be with you sister, ameen
Question 9. I do not want to live
My dad always shouted at mom saying bad words to hurt her and he also beat me and my sister always tuants me and I’m not beautiful people so I wear face mask whenever I feel comfortable with people I remove it and they pass those comments on me that’s makes me insecure more
As-salamu alaikum, sister,
Thank you for sharing your struggle. You mentioned that your father constantly shouts at your mother and that you have witnessed him verbally abusing her. Unfortunately, he has also been physically violent toward you and your sister. You also mentioned that you do not see yourself as beautiful, which makes you feel insecure, and as a result, you wear a face mask. While you remove it when you feel comfortable, others pass comments on your appearance, making you feel even more insecure.
Sister, I am truly sorry to hear all of this.
I understand your feelings of insecurity, and it must be very painful to feel this way. When you have been exposed to negative comments about your looks or your worth—especially from your loved ones who are supposed to protect and care for you—it can deeply affect your self-esteem and confidence. But please know this: their opinions are subjective, and they do not define you.
You are valuable, and just like others, you surely have beautiful and lovable qualities. Can you list some of them? It can be internal ones, externals. Please jot them down, and stick the list somewhere near to you.
Just because someone makes negative remarks does not mean they are speaking the truth. Often, when people belittle others, it is a reflection of their own insecurities and low self-esteem. They try to bring others down because they are struggling internally. So please, do not take their words personally. Their insults say more about them than they do about you.
I also understand how deeply painful it must be to witness constant fights and verbal abuse in your home. No child should have to experience that. No one has the right to hurt another person—whether physically, emotionally, or verbally. Know that it is not your fault, and you are not responsible for their actions.
Any time you face negativity, remind yourself that their behavior is not about you. Their anger, lack of emotional control, and inability to communicate properly are their own deficits and problems. It is not a reflection of your worth as a person.
So when they say hurtful things, remind yourself: This is not about me, this is their issue.
Try not to engage in arguments or respond with anger. Instead, walk away or stay silent when necessary. Remember, you cannot control their behavior, but you can improve your own words and actions and stay truthful in your manners.
If you find a calm moment, you may explain to your father that his actions hurt you.
If direct confrontation is not safe or possible, consider writing down your thoughts in a text message. If possible, talk to a trusted family member, elder, or religious leader who might be able to intervene.
If the situation becomes physically unsafe, please reach out to an authority or someone in the closest community who can help you.
I don’t know where you live, but if possible, please try to seek professional help and reach out for support.
Therapy or counseling can help you heal from past wounds, rebuild your self-esteem, and develop healthy coping strategies.
Sister, remember that Allah is Ar-Rahman (The Most Compassionate) and Ar-Raheem (The Most Merciful). He is also Al-Wadud (The Most Loving) and Al-Adl (The Most Just).
If you feel a lack of love and justice in your home, know that Allah is the ultimate source of love, mercy, and guidance. Turn to Him in prayer, ask Him for strength, and know that He sees your struggles. He will never abandon you.
Also, try to surround yourself with positive influences. Seek out supportive friends, teachers, or mentors who uplift you. Spend time in spaces where you feel valued and safe. Engage in activities that bring you joy and optimism.
You are worthy of love, respect, and kindness. Do not let anyone convince you otherwise.
May Allah ease your struggles, grant you strength, and fill your heart with peace.
Question 10. Relationship
Asalamu alaykum. Please I have a boyfriend that I love unconditionally. I realized he is dating a Christian and I spoke to him about him since then he changed towards me and no longer calls me or comes to my house and never talked about marriage. He always claims to be very busy anytime I complain. I hv pray harder m, fasted n but no changes, and I can’t stop loving him. He treats me as trash and never values me. Anytime I make Ishtar it’s always him I couldn’t stop loving him. Spent a lot of money on prayer and made a lot of sadaqat. Please I also need your prayers that God in his infinite mercy brings back and make our marriage work
As-salamu alaikum, sister,
Thank you for sharing your struggle. You mentioned that you loved someone unconditionally, only to realize that he is dating someone else. When you confronted him about it, he changed his behavior towards you—he stopped calling, visiting. He never talked about marriage. He always claims to be busy, and when you express your feelings, he treats you as trash and you never feel valued. Despite all this, you can’t stop loving him. You’ve been seeking comfort through istikhara, increased prayers, and giving sadaqah, hoping Allah will help you in this situation.
Sister, let me be honest with you.
First and foremost, Allah does not put barakah (blessing) in a haram relationship. If you are seeking to restore something that is not halal or acceptable in the sight of Allah, you might get disappointed.
But what if it does not mean that He is not hearing or helping you? What if, instead, out of His love and mercy, He is guiding you away from it?
Sometimes, when we are deeply attached to something harmful for us in this life and the next, Allah removes it from our lives not as a punishment, but as protection.
From what you’ve described, this man does not value you, does not respect you, and does not consider you worthy of marriage. So, I ask you: What are you expecting from him?
Sister, I am sure you deserve better. Do you believe that you are worthy of love, respect, and commitment? Because I assure you—you are. If a close friend came to you with the same situation, saying that the person she loved treated her poorly, never talked about marriage, and dated someone else—what would you tell her? Would you encourage her to keep praying for him and giving sadaqah in hopes that he changes? Or would you tell her to walk away and find someone who truly values her?
Sister, while I understand your struggle, my interpretation of the events is rather optimistic.
We often expect Allah’s guidance to come in a certain way, but when it arrives differently, we resist it. We think, “Why is this happening? Why isn’t Allah making this work?” But the reality is that He is guiding you, just not in the way you expected and desire. He is closing this door because He knows it’s not good for you. He sees what you do not see.
How Can You Move Forward?
Instead of seeing this as a loss, see it as Allah’s mercy protecting you from something harmful.
According to your letter, this man is not fulfilling his role as a partner, and he never intended to. You deserve someone who respects you, values you, and is willing to take responsibility for you in a halal way.
Keep up your ibadah (worship), but for yourself and the sake of Allah—not for him. Continue praying, making dua, and giving sadaqah, but not with the hope that Allah will bring him back. Instead, do it for yourself, for your own healing, and for Allah’s guidance towards something better.
Reliance on Allah means being open to His signs, even when they don’t match our desires.
Accept that sometimes, what we want is not what is best for us.
If you struggle with feeling worthy of love, consider seeking counseling to work on your self-esteem and emotional well-being.
You deserve to feel loved and valued by someone who truly cares for you.
Sister, be optimistic. I think this situation is not a punishment—it is a redirection towards something better. Trust in Allah’s wisdom, and know that when He takes something away, He is preparing something far greater for you.
May Allah make it easy for you and grant you the best in this life and the next.
Question 11. Relationship
I am in a relationship with someone, and I know that it is a mistake. Even though we only have ordinary conversations and do not meet in person, it still worries me. He is also a very knowledgeable and good person, and we both like each other. However, due to certain reasons, he cannot propose marriage to me yet, and I would have to wait for two years. In the meantime, I want to end this relationship.
Do you think this is the right decision, or should I be patient and stay by his side?
How can I distance myself from him and end this relationship more quickly? Are there any specific prayers or supplications that can help me with this?
As-salam alaikum, sister,
Thank you for reaching out. You mentioned that you are in a relationship with someone, even though you both only have ordinary conversations and do not meet in person. You acknowledge that this is a mistake, but you both like each other. However, he is not yet able to propose marriage, and you would need to wait for two years. You are struggling with whether you should end the relationship now or remain patient and stay by his side.
Sister, let me share some points that may help you to get closer to your decision.
Start by this: Trust that if it’s truly meant to be, it will happen. If he is meant to be your husband, he will come for you when the time is right.
Allah’s plan is always best, and there is always wisdom in His delaying of events, you may not understand right now.
What you have now:
From what you have described, there is no certainty of marriage, nor any clear engagement or commitment at this moment. Right now, there is only a potential proposal in two years, but it is still not a promise or engagement. Things can go well with time, but also there is a potential for further delay, for circumstances beyond your control.
Continuing to communicate and staying on his side may sound reasonable as you plan to marry in the future, but it can also make things more difficult, not easier. Why? Because:
You will likely become more emotionally attached.The more you talk, the deeper the bond becomes, but the certainty still remains unclear. Emotional connections can lead to more complex feelings that may be more difficult to resist.
Furthermore, if this man is unable to commit right now, keeping this relationship alive could block you from meeting someone who is ready to step forward in the right way.
You ask, how can you distance yourself from him?
Be clear and honest with him. Encourage him to also place his trust in Allah’s plan.
Explain that you are open to marriage in the future if it is destined, but until then, it is best not to communicate.
Remind yourselves: You are not “losing” anything. If you are meant to be together, he will return at the right time, in the right way.
If not, Allah is preparing someone better for you. Trust in Allah’s wisdom, and remain open to the beautiful future He has planned for you.
Here are some duas:
Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wadhurriyatina qurrata a’yunin wa-jalna lil-muttaqina imama.
Our Lord, grant us from among our spouses and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous. (Qur’an 25:74)
Hasbiyallaahu laa ‘ilaaha ‘illaa Huwa ‘alayhi tawakkaltu wa Huwa Rabbul-‘Arshil-‘Adheem
Sufficient for me is Allah there is nothing worthy of worship except for Him, I place my trust in Him, He is the Lord of the mighty throne.
May Allah grant you clarity, strength, and a righteous spouse who values you in the best way.
Monday, Feb. 10, 2025 | 09:00 - 10:00 GMT
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.