Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thanks for participating in the session.

Please find the 7 questions to which our counselor provided answers. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.

Question 1. OCD

Asalamualaikum

I suffer from OCD since my childhood. The thing is that since I came to know that after nikah and before consummation anything kufr if one of the spouses says it nullifies marriage immediately. Please note my husband prays 5 times, fasts, performs sacrifice, and performed umrah as well. Still, I feel that maybe he said something that was statement of disbelief and that nullified marriage. I am scared to think that after rukhsati it might be zina Astagfirullah. I also came to know about kinnayah statement of divorce. So, I think maybe he said something in anger that meant divorce. These two aspects that is saying kufr and saying kinnayah word by husband is dominating by life right now. I am now so scared to even talk to him properly thinking he might say something that nullified marriage. I did therapy but I felt that the psychologist was not religious enough to understand what I am feeling so I left it. Recently he sarcastically jokingly repeated or sang the name of a Hindu deity two times without any glorification just for teasing me. Because he knows I hate it and I am sensitive to these issues.  So I am again worried it might be kufr. He believes that belief and disbelief reside in heart. So if someone does something jokingly without the intention or desire to commit kufr it can’t make him kaafir. But recently I read somewhere in joke also one can become kaafir. Even I didn’t know it earlier. So can I give him benefit of doubt coz he doesn’t believe this opinion. Also, he always prays, fasts and it’s heinous for me as well to do takfeer of him Astagfirullah. I can’t know I don’t know anything…kindly give some advice.

Question 2. Sexual Harassment

I was sexually harassed by my father-in-law last summer. Not only did he physically attack me but also sent me inappropriate messages. I confided to my husband which resulted in confronting my fil. First, he denied it and then accepted it to my husband after showing proof. It has been over a year and I still have not gotten an apology. He denies his actions in front of other family members. I have maintained my distance from him since then and requested my husband to do the same until I get an apology and accountability. My in-laws want to dismiss this matter and want my husband to come back to normalcy with my FIL and fulfill his obligations. I am not ready for that as I feel If this happens the seriousness of this matter will be dismissed even further. Should I let it go and let my husband perform his duties as a son? I want to be ae to face my Allah with a clean conscience. Please advise. Thanks.

Question 3. My daughter has inclination towards girls

Assalamu Alaikum,
I’m deeply shocked to know from my youngest daughter that her older sister told her she feels inclined towards same gender. I have been through difficult divorce last year und my oldest cut all thighs to me where she was making me guilty for all her mental troubles such as childhood trauma. Her father played a major role in manipulating her against me. Now I have no contact to here for more than one year she leaves in another town has no Muslim friends who support the right of LGBTQ then as you know this issue has gain so much normalization …. I couldn’t sleep this night trust that ALLAH will guide her not to go away from her Fitra. She won’t no contact to me …her father as I guess left Islam… She has only ALLAH. I ask him she leaves the city and start new beginnings with an Ummah…. I’m so grieving and has no chance to do anything. I know only by ALLAH lies the guidance. What would you advise every parent who goes through such a big calamity on his own child?

BarakaLLAHU fikoum.

Question 4. Mothers’ toxic behavior

My mother and I had a very beautiful relationship back when I was in my home country.
She used to appreciate me and praise me in front of everyone even my siblings she had problem with one of my sisters because she was rude and lazy and with her in-laws but when we move here 3 years back my sister got married. She was separated with her in-laws she started to insult me even though I try my best to do everyone perfectly. She’s aalima I try my best to not hurt her but even though she always complains, she beats me. I am 21, completing my degree but she always gives me taunt and tells me she’s gonna get me married with someone. I told her to do so now because I am tired but still, she just gives me taunts and she says she do everything for me, but she just creates problems with me. Can u please tell me how can I deal with her without hurting her?

Question 5. What’s considered cheating/ Adultery

Asalaam alaikum. Am reaching out on here because I married to my wife this winter which was going good until some random female first inboxed my wife on messenger. Now my wife took a screenshot one day send me but only ask if I know this person. I looked at the picture and saw that I didn’t know this person so I said no.

Time pass by my wife said she been receiving private calls to which point this random female telling my wife that me and her talking and we having phone sex and taking care of her kids and her. Then another time my wife said this random person call again private and play something to her like we were on the phone… now all this land me to believe that my wife was playing a mess up game cause, she wanted to leave me. I told her I feel like you are doing all this just cause you want to have a reason to leave, but if you want to leave that bad you don’t have to do all this extra stuff. Because I know I am not talking to this random person, never had.  I asked how did they even get your number? My wife replies that’s your woman you must have given it to her. So, I stated that makes no sense whatsoever it must be someone doing all this. It was later then found out that her number was up on her FB. I apologized to her for accusing her of the one doing it. But things keep getting worst as my wife strongly believes all these lies to where she’s now talking a guy while still married to me as this guy keep begging her to divorce me and come married to him. She has lost all respect for me it’s like am fighting for us and the relationship while she’s entertaining another. At this point I really don’t know what to do. However, I do love my wife and all these accusations are without evidence. When told me wife to seek the proof from that person she refused she even told my own family and to her own mom to which there is no proof that am doing what I’ve been accused of. She keeps thinking she right and not wrong in sorting a lie on me of something am not doing. It hurts to know someone you love doing this but I still have hope in her but part of me don’t know anymore.

Question 6. Help me to make peace with polygamy

How can I deal with the emotional challenges faced with polygamy? I have consented to my husband taking on another wife but am sometimes faced with intense emotional feelings of not feeling good enough, wanting to give up and insecurity. How can I manage these feelings as I do not want it to affect my relationship with my husband.

Question 7. Family conflicts

We are from a family of many brothers, and all my brothers are married with family of their own. These wives always end up talking on their behalf saying their husband does not like this and that, including things that our mum does for them. It is frustrating to see men being that weak how they can’t even stand up for themselves. Having their wives to speak on their behalf on matters to do with them is causing a lot of conflict in the family, as all family has different dynamics, and my brothers more than anyone, should know the dynamics of our family and how our family works. Their wives do not know, so having their wives speak on their behalf to my parents and other siblings is causing issues. What’s the best way to manage this and try to maintain family ties?