Dear brothers and sisters,

Thanks for participating in the session.

Check out the 5 questions our counselor just answered. Didn’t see yours? No worries! Join our next session or resubmit your question for another chance to get advice. Stay tuned for more!

Question 1. What to do?

Growing up I always had my mom and dad guide me and alhamdulillah we always tried our best to be good Muslims. But recently almost around five years ago I had started speaking to a girl (which i knew I shouldn’t have because I normally don’t talk to if there’s no reason) but this situation ended up leading me to stay connected to her as friends in and out of school and I ended up dating her for almost 6 months before realising that what i was doing was haram. I was so blinded by love that I had lost myself and my respect for my family. But the issue here is we both had fallen in love in the purest of ways and the only issue is that she is hindu by name. She doesn’t believe in religion but does believe in god. Right now I’m in a difficult situation whether to wait or to let go. In my heart I have fully believed that shell accept islam with the right intention. My question is what is it that I can do now and if it does work out how do I stay in touch with her since she’s going to be away from the country for education?

Assalamu alaykom, brother,

Thank you for explaining your situation. You had contact with a girl from your school, and you ended up falling in love with each other in the purest ways. The big situation is that she is not Muslim right now, and you don’t know whether to pursue the situation or let her go.

What I want to tell you, first of all, is that yes — our religion focuses on marriage and on the halal way to express our emotions and feelings, and that is through the legal framework of marriage. 

But Islam does not say that we are not going to have feelings for each other as we grow up, and that our emotions, emotional attractions, and our need to find a partner are not okay. 

They are absolutely part of our human nature. And when we grow up and turn into young adults, these are natural inclinations that actually help us to seek partnership, marriage, and create a family.

So the only thing is that we need to try to stick to doing it in a way that pleases Allah. 

What I want to tell you is that in your situation, even if your feelings were pure and real, that’s totally understandable. 

But at the same time, what you need to analyze right now is whether there is any chance that she can be your wife and that you can have a future together. Are there realistic chances? This is what you need to evaluate.

So you need to put aside your feelings and your emotional attachment to her a little bit, and you need to see whether there is any real chance that you can get married to her in the context you have right now — with her family and with your family. Would they accept this relationship? Is there any chance that she can convert? Is there any chance that you can make an arrangement to get married?

If there is, you can start to make the steps toward that — by talking to your family, introducing each other to each other’s families, and making the steps toward legalizing this relationship, which has to be, of course, preceded by her conversion to Islam.

You have to know that there are many Hindus who are converting to Islam, and many Hindus who believe in one God and end up converting to Islam. So that’s a possibility, if she’s interested in religion. 

If this is something that cannot happen, then you need to detach. Because if all of this is not destined and written for you, it’s not going to happen. 

The sign that she’s moving away because of education can be, in your case, a blessing. Because you are going to be distanced from each other, by the will of Allah who is the Greatest and the Wisest. If He distances someone from your life, that can be for a good reason.

In this case, take this as an opportunity to move on. Focus on other things in life that help you recover from the situation. Understand that while love is natural and part of life, sometimes we have to channel it, and guide it in the right direction — with someone who is really meant to be our partner, and who Allah is pleased with.

Question 2. Secret Nikkah

Hi, I am a Christian married to a Muslim. We had been in a relationship for about 7 years as we met very young. Eventually when I graduated I told him that I want to get married and he proposed this idea to his parents. His parents have refused our marriage proposal for over a year because I am not from the same country as them. His mother wants him to have an arranged marriage with someone of her choosing. We have now got a secret nikkah at the local mosque recently. I feel worried as I know he has not told his parents about our marriage. We are not yet living together but plan to do so soon due to financial difficulties.

As-salamu alaikum,

Thank you for writing to us.

You mentioned that you are a Christian woman married to a Muslim man. He proposed the idea of your marriage to his parents, but they rejected it because you are not from the same country and they prefer an arranged marriage for their son. As a result, you both decided to have a private nikah at the local masjid recently. However, you’re feeling uneasy because his parents still don’t know about your marriage, and you’re now planning to move in together.

Regarding secret marriages, it’s important to understand that parental consent—especially for daughters—is generally considered a condition. I’m not a scholar, but a counselor, so for a detailed religious answer, I recommend that you consult a qualified scholar.

From a counseling perspective, I can say that secrecy like this is rarely sustainable in the long term. Eventually, his parents will find out, and this could lead to a serious conflict. It’s better to prepare yourselves for that moment and face it together with honesty and maturity.

Also, in Islam, parents do have responsibilities too. They are encouraged to consider their son’s wishes in marriage. A son has the right to choose his spouse if the basic conditions are fulfilled—like shared faith, good character, and compatibility. These qualities should be more important than nationality or family background. Being from a different country is not a valid reason to reject a marriage if other important criteria are met.

I encourage both of you to learn about your rights and responsibilities in marriage. Your husband, as an adult, may eventually need to take a stand, and that’s part of maturity and growth. It’s not wrong to have a different opinion from one’s parents. What truly matters is how that difference is communicated—with respect, kindness, and understanding.

He can work on presenting your relationship in the most respectful and thoughtful way possible. Over time, his parents may come to accept this, even if it’s unfamiliar to them culturally.

May Allah make things easier for you both.

Question 3. Don’t know how to deal in healthy way with my mother

I am emotionally very attached to my mother. If she gets angry with me I get literally sick. I am very afraid she will die soon. Also that she will not be pleased with me. This is not a healthy relationship.

I also have the problem that my mother is very direct in her communication with me. Much less or not with my siblings. This hurts me. She can get angry with me about something, but not with my siblings doing the same thing. 

I sometimes feel she doesn’t love me as much as my siblings. I really try to do everything for her, but it seems the more I do the less I feel appreciated. I cannot talk to her about my feelings. She is not emotionally available for me and sometimes punishes me by not talking to me or saying very hurtful things. She doesn’t do this to my other siblings. She talks a lot by herself, arguing a lot. She is very conspicuous and has OCD. When she needs me she acts more sweet towards me. I don’t understand. I try my best, but I also make mistakes and I am also her child and in need of a mother that is supportive. I don’t know how to continue in a healthy way. I need so much more to write about things . What advice can you give me? I want to have a sound relationship with her because I love her, and because of Allah. But at the same time I feel not loved, ignored and this passive aggressive approach of her sometimes towards me makes me sick and I feel like Allah doesn’t love me. She doesn’t do this to my other siblings, why just me?

Sorry for long story. Jazaakumu Allahu khairan. Wassalaamu aleikoum

Assalamu alaikum sister,

Thank you for writing to us.

You shared about your difficult relationship with your mother. You’re 50 years old and feel deeply attached to her, yet her behavior towards you causes emotional pain. You feel unloved, ignored, and mistreated by her. You’re also afraid she might pass away without being pleased with you. You mentioned that she’s emotionally unavailable, sometimes doesn’t speak to you, and at times says hurtful things. You also believe she may have some mental health challenges. You’re unsure how to maintain this relationship in a healthy way, though you truly want to—out of love and also for the sake of Allah.

Sister, having a mother who struggles with mental health or emotional immaturity is a significant test. It can be painful, especially if you grew up with unmet emotional needs and are still seeking connection and comfort from her. These unmet needs often leave a lasting void—because emotional care from our caregivers is just as vital as physical nourishment.

When a child doesn’t feel heard, comforted, or loved, it can lead to a lifelong pattern of trying to win their parent’s approval, hoping for the love and attention they never received. But as adults, we have to understand that our emotional well-being no longer needs to depend on how our parent treats us. This is where emotional boundaries become essential.

Part of maturing emotionally means recognizing that love does not always have to be tied to neediness. We can love our parents and care for them without depending on them to meet our emotional needs—especially when they are unable to do so.

A healthy emotional attachment allows for both connection and independence. With emotional security you are able to maintain relationships without losing yourself by recognizing  that her hurtful actions are often a reflection of her person’s limitations—not a reflection of your own worth.

It’s important to try, when possible, to communicate your feelings. If you’ve never had the chance, you might consider gently telling your mother how her words affect you. You could say something like:
“It hurts me when you say certain things. I really want to have a good and respectful relationship with you, and I’m committed to trying to make that happen.”

That said, I strongly recommend seeking counseling. A qualified counselor can help you process these feelings, understand your mother’s behavior more clearly, and work with you on setting healthy boundaries while still honoring her. They can also help you explore how to manage this dynamic without becoming emotionally overwhelmed or feeling rejected.

Lastly, sister, the one whose pleasure we must ultimately seek is Allah—not people. Your comfort, your sense of worth, your deep emotional healing—they all come from Him. Try not to place the burden of your emotional fulfillment on your mother. That is something only Allah can truly provide.

He is Al-Samīʿ (The All-Hearing), Al-Baṣīr (The All-Seeing), Ar-Raḥmān (The Most Merciful), As-Salām (The Source of Peace). When you feel unseen or unheard by your mother, know that Allah always sees you, hears you, and cares for you.

I encourage you to strengthen your connection with Allah by learning His names and attributes. Let those Names guide you and bring you peace. Make regular du’a (supplication) and turn to Him with your pain and your hopes.

In summary:

• Work on creating emotional boundaries while keeping respect and care.
  
• Try, if possible, to communicate your needs kindly and clearly to your mother.
  
• Seek counseling to help navigate the pain and develop emotional resilience.
  
• Rely on Allah for your inner peace and emotional healing.
  

May Allah ease your burden, strengthen your heart, and fill your life with the love and comfort you seek. Ameen.

Question 4. Husband does not call

I recently got married. My husband had to travel back home so we could apply for his Spouse Visa. It’s been a month since we separated, & he doesn’t make an effort to speak to me. My parents spoke to his parents, who have been persisting on him calling me or picking up my calls. I’m told he says he would but he never does. I spoke with him, explaining how I’m feeling. He says he understands but it’s been 3 days since we had that conversation & still no sign of life from him.

My family advised me to stop chasing him & his family. & just observe… I guess the silence.

But in the meantime, what do I do with myself? How do I cope? I do pray, and work too but it’s getting harder everyday, staying in the unknown.

I cannot forget him either because he is my husband.

Assalamu alaikum sister,

You explained that you got married last year, but soon after, your husband had to travel back to his home country so that you could apply for a visa. It has now been a month since you’ve been apart, and during this time, he has made little to no effort to communicate with you.

Your parents have spoken to his parents, and they have been urging him to call you or at least answer your calls—but he still doesn’t respond. You’ve tried reaching out and expressing how you feel, and although he says he understands, his actions show no change. Your family is now advising you to stop chasing him and his family, but you’re feeling confused, hurt, and unsure of what to do next. You don’t want to force yourself to forget him either—because after all, he is your husband.

Yes, sister, he is your husband, and I’m truly sorry that your marriage and communication have reached this point.

I wonder if this was an arranged marriage, or if you and your husband had built any kind of relationship before his departure. It might be helpful to reflect on the time you were together before he left—those first few months of marriage. How was the relationship then? Were there any signs of poor communication, lack of emotional intimacy, or misunderstandings? Did you both have the chance to form a real bond—love, care, and trust?

Understanding what your relationship looked like during that time might help identify if something specific triggered this current distance. But even if there were issues, this kind of silence is not a justifiable or respectful way to handle them. In Islam, both spouses have rights and responsibilities toward each other—including communication, emotional support, and kind treatment.

Even if your husband is introverted or reserved, these basic rights still apply. Part of early marriage is learning how to care for one another and how to meet each other’s needs. It takes effort, patience, and communication. If you have the opportunity to speak with him again, it is completely fair to express how unhappy and confused you feel about this distance. You can kindly and honestly ask him:

• If there’s something bothering him,
  
• What has caused this emotional withdrawal,
  
• And what his real intentions are regarding your marriage.
  

It’s important to create space for honest dialogue. You’re not asking for anything unreasonable—just clarity and communication from your spouse, which is your right.

If this was an arranged marriage and he was never committed to building a life with you, then this situation is indeed a sad outcome of entering a marriage without full mutual readiness. But you still deserve answers. Ask him clearly what’s going on, what he feels, and what his intentions are moving forward. Try to resolve any unresolved conflict, if there was any.

At the same time, you have every right to stand firm in expecting a real marriage—one with emotional connection and ongoing communication. A husband and wife should act like partners, even if they are temporarily apart. If that’s not happening, it’s absolutely valid to question whether the relationship is truly functioning.

So sister, it’s okay to ask questions. It’s okay to expect honest answers. And if he continues to avoid giving them, it’s also okay to insist—because this is your life, your emotional well-being, and your right as a wife.

May Allah give you clarity, strength, and peace in your heart. 

Question 5. Moving on

I ended the relationship about a month ago. I was worried and scared that it might lead to irreversible damage, the longer we stayed in the relationship.

Only I felt this way, and he just wanted to keep being in the relationship. Despite being attached, I have left him for the third time within less than a year – this time I will not be going back to however much I miss him or he begs me to come back. He says he wants to marry as soon as possible, but I don’t feel he can be the right spouse for me, as both of us deal with anger very differently. He wants to fight verbally and force me to talk but I prefer to avoid the topic until I’m calm enough to be reasonable.

I had some hope that maybe if the both of us waited and worked on ourselves without being in contact, Allah would bring us together in the halal way, Insha Allah.

I was constantly curious about how he would be doing but in my efforts to not directly open contact, I asked my best friend if he had reached out. He texts my best friend sometimes, to check on me. And last night, because it had been a while since I heard about him, I asked her about it.

She said she hadn’t heard from him, then later she sent screenshots of him flirting and her flirting back.

It was from a few nights ago. So naturally, I asked her why she didn’t tell me this now, to which she responded that she couldn’t tell me because she was scared of what I might think. I felt deeply betrayed, she is currently seeing another guy too. And my ex chose to flirt with her, knowing she had a boyfriend, and knowing she was my closest friend. I feel deeply saddened by this act of him, I feel as though I can never look at him the same.

I decided to confront my ex with the screenshots, without telling my best friend, then he removed and blocked my best friend. And he texted that it’s none of my business. He repeated the same thing when I expressed how betrayed I felt.

Maybe Allah is showing me he isn’t the one for me. It’s very painful emotionally as I still have feelings for this guy. I was wondering if there is any way for me to overcome this and forget him permanently?

Assalamu alaikum sister,

Thank you for writing and sharing your situation. As you already recognize, in the eyes of Allah, being in a relationship outside of marriage is not appropriate. Islam teaches us to preserve emotional and physical boundaries until a relationship is made halal through marriage. These guidelines are there to protect our hearts, minds, and dignity—and to help us avoid exactly the kind of painful situation you’re experiencing now.

I understand your feelings, and I also recognize that you were trying to keep the relationship going with the intention of making it halal one day. That desire to wait and do things the right way shows sincerity on your part. And yes, if there is any barakah (blessing) in a relationship, Allah will facilitate it—in His time, and in the way that is best, whether that’s in the present or in the future. What is truly meant for us will never miss us.

However, developing emotional attachment to someone who is not yet your spouse—especially when there is no clear path toward marriage in the immediate future—can cloud your judgment. Strong emotions can make it difficult to see things clearly and make wise decisions.

You mentioned that you have already ended the relationship, which is a wise and courageous step. Now that the relationship is over, there are no longer any obligations or commitments between you. What I recommend is that you give yourself emotional distance. Avoid checking on him, seeking updates, or holding onto hope that might prevent you from moving on. Try to let go of emotional attachment—gradually but firmly.

You’ve shared both facts and your interpretations of what happened, but some things remain unknown—such as his true intentions or reasons. That’s okay. You do not need to have all the answers. What matters now is how you respond and what you choose moving forward.

Also, how your friend acted, or what your ex chose to do or not do—these are their actions. They are responsible and accountable for them, not you. You don’t need to carry the emotional weight of other people’s choices. Focus on yourself, your healing, your growth, and your relationship with Allah.

It’s understandable that you feel betrayed—most likely because you still had expectations or emotional hope that he cared for you. But once a relationship ends, each will process the breakup differently. That’s normal.

You said something very wise: perhaps Allah is showing you that this man is not the one for you. That realization can be painful—especially when feelings are still strong—but you are absolutely right. These feelings of betrayal and confusion are part of the detachment process, and they will pass in time, inshaAllah.

To help you move forward:

• Focus on activities that are emotionally fulfilling and uplifting.
  
• Surround yourself with supportive friends and family.
  
• Engage in hobbies, sports, learning, or volunteering.
  
• Reconnect spiritually—read Qur’an, learn more about Islam, reflect on Allah’s Names and Attributes, and make lots of du’a.
  

Try to replace thoughts of pain or regret with thoughts of peace, hope, and Allah’s wisdom. Tell yourself: “Allah knows what I do not. He is the best of planners.”

It is absolutely normal to feel this way after being emotionally involved with someone. Don’t blame yourself for caring—but also remind yourself that this is not the kind of relationship you want. This is not the direction that leads to peace and reward from Allah.

You are making a choice by stepping away and trusting Allah’s guidance. May He help you heal, and bless you with a relationship that is pure, stable, and filled with love and barakah.