Dear brothers and sisters,

Thanks for participating in the session.

Check out the 9 questions our counselor just answered. Didn’t see yours? No worries! Join our next session or resubmit your question for another chance to get advice. Stay tuned for more!

Question 1. Divorce after abuse

I was married for 15yrs with 2kids. I was abused, mainly verbally.This impacted my mental health and psychologically.   My kids refused to see or speak to their father and are happy like this SubhanAllah  .

He also never contributed for the children or myself,never. I took care of EVERYTHING!!

He is now asking for forgiveness..  Should I forgive him?

Was I wrong to have divorced him?

May Allah forgive us, ameen

Assalamualaikum sister,

You are asking whether you should forgive your husband, who, according to your letter, was very abusive to you, impacting your mental health and well-being. You have two children who do not want to speak to their father and are happier in this situation now that you are divorced. He never contributed financially for the children or for you, and you took care of everything on your own. Now, he is asking for forgiveness, and you are wondering if you should forgive him.

Sister, there are two things to consider here. You may choose to forgive him for his mistakes, but that does not mean you need to return to this relationship—especially if you believe you won’t receive what you deserve and what your rights are as a wife. Forgiveness is one thing, but returning to the relationship is another.

You might decide to forgive him by recognizing his mistakes as a form of incapacity or inability to handle the marriage better. You could feel compassion for him because of his own limitations. But this doesn’t mean you have to go back to a situation where neither you nor your children were happy.

Reflect on your rights and his duties. Ask yourself if returning to this marriage would grant you those rights and whether he would genuinely fulfill the duties he neglected before, including financial support and respectful behavior. You have the right to be treated kindly and with respect as a wife. Your children also have the right to grow up in a loving, peaceful atmosphere, free from verbal abuse.

The key question is whether he has taken any concrete steps to change his behavior and his attitude towards financial responsibility. If you see genuine improvement, real actions that have produced positive changes, and if you have feelings for him and can envision a future together with him as a changed person, then you might consider the possibility of reconciliation.

However, if you see no improvement and feel that returning would only mean going back to the same painful situation, you don’t have to do that. You can forgive him without returning to the relationship.

I hope this helps you reflect on your situation. May Allah make it easy for you and guide you to the best decision, in sha Allah.

Question 2. Seeking Guidance: Struggling with a Potential Spouse’s Past 

“I am looking for a potential spouse. I met a girl who initially seemed very kind, humble, and honest. We talked and got to know each other, and I started liking her.  

After about a week, she told me that she had been in a Nikah before. I was shocked, but when I asked her about it, she explained the reason for the divorce. Her explanation made sense to me, and since it was a Nikah and not an impermissible relationship, I accepted it...

After a long time, she finally admitted that she had a boyfriend in university… She does not regret it, but she regrets being in a relationship with him. It also seems like a part of her still misses him.  

I have never been in any haram relationships because I never believed in them. Now, I am confused and unsure about what to do. I would appreciate some genuine advice.”

Assalamualaikum brother,

Thank you for your question. You are seeking a potential spouse and have met a sister who seemed very kind, humble, and honest. As you got to know her more, you found out that she had been in a nikah before, though it was not consummated. She also admitted that she had a relationship with someone during university—may Allah forgive her. She now regrets having been in that relationship. You mentioned that you’ve never been in any haram relationship and now, you’re feeling confused and unsure about what to do.

Brother, thank you for sharing your concerns. I understand how this situation can be confusing. We know that zina is considered a major sin in Islam, and we have clear guidance on maintaining boundaries in relationships. As Muslims, we are instructed to avoid haram relationships.

While I am not a scholar, but a counselor, I will not delve into the religious rulings regarding zina. Instead, I want to highlight some points that might help you navigate this situation.

On one hand, sincerity and honesty are essential in a marriage. On the other hand, Islam also teaches us not to expose our past sins, especially if one has repented. These two principles can sometimes feel contradictory—especially when meeting a potential spouse. I can imagine that this might have caused confusion for her. Perhaps, out of good intentions, she wanted to be transparent with you, aiming to start your relationship on a clean slate.

However, I understand that this information has caused you doubts. So, you need to reflect on what you truly value in her. Does her honesty and fairness stand out to you as valuable traits for marriage?

At the same time, brother, remember that we all commit sins and we all get tested somehow.. While you have never been in a haram relationship, that doesn’t mean you haven’t faced your own tests or committed other mistakes. This may have been her test—one she perhaps failed at that time—but if she has truly repented, in sha Allah, Allah can forgive her. Her past does not necessarily prevent her from seeking a pure and meaningful marriage now.

Rather than judging her solely based on her past, consider how she views her past actions today. Has she grown from that experience? Does she show genuine regret and a commitment to living by Islamic values now? How is her current character, her relationship with Allah, and her values around marriage and chastity?

If you choose to move forward, have an honest conversation with her about these points. Understand how she reflects on her past, how she sees her spiritual growth, and whether her values align with yours today. 

You also mentioned that she does not regret it, and it is something worthy of more inquiry. It’s important to know whether she genuinely regrets her past mistake—not just because of societal pressure, but because she recognizes that it was against Allah’s guidance and that she wronged herself. True repentance and a desire for self-improvement are key.

Finally, brother, remember that tests come to all of us. Just because she had this test in her past doesn’t make her unworthy of a good future. Similarly, you may face your own tests ahead. It’s not about comparing sins or seeing who is more “pure”—it’s about finding compatibility, shared values, and sincerity in moving forward.

In sha Allah, may Allah make this decision easy for you, guide you through this process, and grant you clarity and peace of mind. Ameen.

Question 3. Am I Impure?

Assalamalaikum Sister. I have often turned to this platform in times of desperation. I am 37yo well educated, independent woman. I have firm belief and I try to be a better Muslim every day. I am not married yet. All my matches reject me or never respond. More recently I have started to meet more and more men who have had illicit relationships in their past and don’t find anything wrong with that & don’t regret or repent. They are often believing Muslims, but non practicing.  I get very upset when I hear them say such things. I need to consider them for marriage because I have limited options due to my age.I myself have been astray in the past but I’m ashamed of it. and I have asked Allah for forgiveness. I keep thinking of the verse that Allah has made chaste women for chaste men & impure women for impure men. Am I finding such men because I am impure? What dua can I recite to purify myself? What dua can I recite to get a chaste husband? And should I be considering such men at all, who otherwise seem honest & good providers, say that they have belief in Islam, but are not practicing and away from the core values of Islam (they say they can start practicing a bit if it is important for me). 

Assalamualaikum sister,

Thank you for sharing your concern, and I’m truly sorry about your situation. You mentioned that you are seeking marriage, striving to be a better Muslim every day, and placing your trust in Allah despite facing rejection or non-responsiveness in your search. Recently, you’ve started meeting more men who have had illicit relationships in their past and, unfortunately, do not see anything wrong with it nor show regret or repentance—may Allah forgive them. While they may identify as believing Muslims, they are not practicing, and this deeply upsets you.

You also mentioned that you have made mistakes in your own past but feel ashamed of them and have sincerely asked Allah for forgiveness. 

Sister, I want to pause here and acknowledge the importance of this. The fact that you feel remorse, sought Allah’s forgiveness, and are striving to improve already places you in a very different position from those who do not recognize or regret their past sins and mistakes.

You also shared that, due to your age, you feel the pressure to consider men you might not ideally choose. I understand this pressure, but as you’ve rightly pointed out, there is a significant distinction between you and those men—your repentance and your sincere intention to get closer to Allah. That’s a huge difference, and in my opinion, it absolutely does not place you on the same level as those who knowingly continue on a path away from Allah’s guidance without remorse.

You asked if the reason you are encountering such men is because you are somehow “impure,” referring to the Quranic verse about purity and marriage. 

Sister, no—absolutely not. In fact, your discomfort and unwillingness to accept these men already answers your quesiton. It shows that you have changed, you have grown, and you no longer align with such mindsets. Alhamdulillah, that is a blessing and a sign of spiritual growth.

Regarding your question about what duas you can recite for purification and for finding a chaste husband, you can certainly ask Allah directly for a righteous and pious spouse. One powerful dua from the Quran is:

“رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِن لَّدُنكَ زَوْجًا صَالِحًا”
“My Lord, grant me from You a righteous spouse.”

Additionally, focus on duas that seek Allah’s guidance, forgiveness, and blessings.

Now, about the men you’ve encountered—while they might be good providers and hold some belief in Islam, their lack of practice and the idea of “changing for your sake” raise concerns. Practicing Islam should never be for the sake of another person—it should be for the sake of Allah first and foremost. If someone chooses to start practicing only as part of a “marriage deal,” it calls into question the sincerity and longevity of that commitment.

However, if you meet someone who, even if not fully practicing now, acknowledges his mistakes and shows a genuine desire to grow closer to Allah—gradually, step by step—that could be worth considering. Repentance and self-improvement are continuous journeys, and recognizing one’s past mistakes is often the first step toward lasting change. And on the contrary, this recognition can happen as a result of a significant meeting or influence of another person in one’s life. 

Regarding purification, sister, reflect on the verses in the Quran that speak of Allah’s infinite mercy and forgiveness. One of Allah’s names is Al-Ghaffar (The Constant Forgiver), and another is Ar-Rahim (The Most Merciful). Allah has promised in the Quran that sincere repentance wipes away past sins. If you have truly repented and committed to living by Allah’s guidance, then trust in His promise—you are not defined by your past but by who you are now and the path you choose going forward.

To further purify your heart and soul, you might want to explore the concept of Tazkiyah al-Nafs (purification of the soul) and al-Qalb (of the heart). Many traditional scholars have provided deep insights into how we can cleanse our hearts, strengthen our faith, and draw closer to Allah.

May Allah make your path easy, grant you clarity, and bless you with a righteous and loving spouse. Ameen. 

Question 4. Can’t afford to pay wife

I have been married to my wife and we have 2 children. My wife is the breadwinner and I have a job but earn a fraction of what my wife earns. this means she pays the rent and school fees. I pay only for food, my own gym fees and my car loan. I also contribute to the household an agreed amount though this is an insignificant amount that probably only covers the bills for the month. At the end of the month, I have no money left. i was unable to pay for one month the agreed amount due to going away and spending the money on that trip, now I owe my wife this money but can’t pay this without taking out a loan. She has been asking me for this money and I say I will pay it. if I tell her the reason it will mean she needs to scrutinise my finances and make me feel bad, what should be done from an Islamic perspective?

Assalamualaikum brother,

Thank you for reaching out. Your concern is related to financial issues. You’ve been married and have two children. Your wife is the main breadwinner, while you have a job but earn only a fraction of what she makes. She covers the rent and school fees, and you contribute by paying for food, your gym fees, your car loan, and some household bills. However, by the end of the month, you’re left with no money.

Recently, you couldn’t pay the agreed-upon amount because you spent the money on a trip. Now, you owe this to your wife but can only repay it by taking a loan. She’s been asking for the money, but you hesitate to explain the reason because you’re worried it will lead to criticism and make you feel bad. You want to know what should be done from an Islamic perspective.

First, I want to emphasize that I’m a counselor, not a scholar. For specific rulings about loans and financial issues, please turn to a qualified Islamic scholar.

1. Professional Growth and Financial Responsibility

I don’t know much about your current job situation or your field of work. You didn’t mention whether it’s a part-time or full-time job. But considering that Islamically, the main role of financial maintenance is given to the husband, you may set this as a major goal and see how you can move towards it. 

Ask yourself, Are you making efforts to improve your situation, or are you just staying where you are? This is something you need to be honest with yourself about.

It is okay if you have a different career path and hers essentially pays good, while yours not as much. I think the point here is whether you, in your own field, strive for improvement, seek alternatives or make efforts for your own personal development, or not.

So, focus on your own professional development and see if there are possibilities for growth, as it can directly impact your sense of self-worth and feelings of responsibility. 

2. Accountability and Sacrifice

You mentioned that you couldn’t pay because you spent the money on a trip. Whether it was with the family or alone, the fact is that you chose to prioritize that trip over your financial obligation. Now, you’re considering taking a loan to cover it.

Brother, it seems to me that both ways you end up feeling bad somehow. You either give up the trip (your desire) but fulfill your responsibility, which may make you feel good about yourself for keeping your promise, while you miss out on enjoying a trip.  Or you choose to go for your desires and give up your obligation, and promise: you have fun but at the end you feel bad about yourself. 

It seems to me that this is a question of priorities. Either way, there’s a sacrifice. Islamically, responsibilities should come before personal desires.

Given that this already has happened, what can you do to feel better about yourself?

I recommend that you be fair and honest with your wife about the situation, instead of avoiding the discussion.  

You’re worried that she will make you feel bad, but I wonder if it’s really her judgment you’re afraid of, or rather deep down you know you weren’t responsible enough with your spending.

Part of practicing responsibility is holding yourself accountable, admitting your mistakes, and making efforts to improve. If you are transparent about this with your wife and explain that you spent the money on the trip but now realize that you need to reset your priorities, and you commit openly to fix them, this might help you regain your sense of self-worth. 

To conclude, ask yourself these questions:

• Are you making enough effort to  improve your professional situation and earn more?
• Are you willing to take responsibility for your actions and admit your mistakes to your wife?

Focus on these areas and keep in mind your long-term goal of being able to provide more, in sha Allah. Not only for economic reasons, but rather for your own feelings of self-worth. 

Question 5. Marriage in this generation

Salam I hope you are doing well. I want to get married but I hear so many horror stories it puts me off. I hear about so-called ‘righteous’ men that follow proper procedures during the engagement period but once they’re married he is controlling and abusive. It seems like there is always a hidden agenda and that they just want to control and use women. I know that there are some good men out there but how do we know who is genuinely a good person in this day and age it seems impossible. 

Assalamualaikum sister,

Thank you for sharing your fears and doubts regarding marriage in today’s world. I understand your concerns—you mentioned that you often hear about so-called righteous men who follow proper Islamic procedures during the engagement but, once married, reveal controlling or even abusive behaviors. It seems to you that there’s always a hidden agenda, leaving women feeling used.

Your question is: “How do you know who is genuinely a good person in this day and age?”

Sister, this is a valid and important question. While there’s no absolute guarantee, there are steps you can take to help discern someone’s true character. 

This is where the blessings of traditional marriage settings can play a significant role. While not always feasible, having the involvement of family and close community can offer deeper insights that a one-on-one “dating” process might miss.

Here’s why: When someone is introduced or known within a family or community context, you’re not just evaluating how they present themselves to you—you’re also able to observe how they interact with others. Family members, friends, and acquaintances may have witnessed how he behaves in everyday situations: how he handles stress, how he communicates, and how he treats people around him. These are often things that won’t surface during a formal sit-down or pre-marital meeting where everyone tries to present the best version of themselves.

If possible, consider creating opportunities to see him in natural, everyday settings. This could be inviting him to a family gathering, a community event, or a group activity where others can also observe him. Having trusted family and friends present allows them to notice things you might miss and offer their perspectives.

Additionally, don’t hesitate to ask around about him—especially from those who know him well. Inquire about his character, temperament, how he is as a friend, brother, son, or coworker. Often, these indirect insights can reveal much about a person’s true nature.

When it comes to concerns about controlling or abusive tendencies, it’s also essential to engage in conversations about self-awareness, emotional control, and the value of self-improvement. No one is perfect—we all have areas where we need to grow—but what truly matters is a person’s willingness to recognize their flaws and work on them. Look for someone who values emotional maturity, acknowledges personal weaknesses, and actively strives to improve.

It’s not about finding someone who has already “completed” this journey but someone who is committed to it. A man who understands the importance of communication, respect, and continuous self-betterment, and  has the ability to recognize his mistakes and hold himself accountable is far less likely to fall into abusive patterns.

Lastly, trust in Allah and make duas for clarity and guidance. Ask Allah to reveal what is hidden and protect you from harm.

May Allah make your path easy, and bless you with a righteous and loving spouse, ameen.

Question 6. Marriage- Divorce 

2 siblings were married in the same house, 1 marriage broke down a year ago and just after issues started between inlaws and I was in the middle. I could not side with my parents otherwise my husband would be upset. I have tried to be a very obedient wife, however living with my in-laws for the past 2 years has been hard. I never talked back and did everything I was asked for except get along with MIL. I couldn’t force myself to be someone I was not. Husband recently started threatening divorce, “can get a new wife but not a new mother, your parents are greedy etc”. Under pressure I spoke to my doc and he and MIL got arrested- am I sinful? Due to police case are seperated for 3 months. I am asking for forgiveness but how to get him back?

Assalamualaikum sister,

Thank you for sharing your concerns. I understand that the past two years living with your in-laws have been extremely difficult for you. You mentioned that conflicts arose between you and them, and though you tried to be an obedient wife—never talking back and fulfilling your responsibilities—you struggled to get along with your mother-in-law. You explained that this was something you simply couldn’t force, despite your efforts.

Now, your husband has started threatening divorce, and from what I understand, you may have told him something along the lines of, “You can get a new wife, but not a new mother,” and perhaps mentioned that his parents are greedy. It seems that, under pressure, you have involved authorities—possibly by making accusations—which led to your in-laws’ and husbands’ arrest. As a result, you and your husband have now been separated for three months.

You’re asking two important questions: Are you sinful for this? And how can you seek forgiveness and possibly reconcile with your husband?

Sister, if I understand the situation correctly, and if there were false accusations that led to your husband or his family being arrested, then yes, that is a serious matter. False accusations are a form of injustice, and Islam strongly condemns any form of injustice. While I am not a scholar, from an ethical and moral perspective, it’s clear that this was a mistake. However, the door of taubah (repentance) is always open. Allah is Ar-Rahman (The Most Merciful) and Al-Ghaffar (The Most Forgiving), and He loves those who repent and turn back to Him sincerely.

First and foremost, seek forgiveness from Allah. Acknowledge the mistake, repent with sincerity, and commit not to repeat such actions. Secondly, if possible, try to repair the situation. If the accusations were false, see if there’s a way to clarify matters legally or at least make amends personally. While it might not fully undo the consequences, it shows sincerity in righting the wrong.

It’s important to realize that the initial problem—your difficult relationship with your mother-in-law—was unlikely to be solved through this revenge. In fact, it often leads to deeper complications, as you’ve now experienced.

That being said, your struggle with your mother-in-law is something many wives face, and it’s understandable. Not everyone can naturally get along with every family member. Islam doesn’t ask you to love everyone deeply, but it does ask for patience, respect, and fairness, even in difficult situations. If a person is toxic or hurtful, it’s permissible to maintain respectful distance, but without crossing the lines of justice and kindness.

Regarding your marriage, try to see if there’s space for dialogue and reconciliation. If your husband is still open to it, perhaps involving a third party could help. Asking your own family to assist in mending the relationship could be an option.

However, it’s also important to recognize that turning your husband against his mother is rarely a good idea. No husband wants to see himself positioned to “choose” between his wife or mother and this often leads to deeper conflict. Even if your mother-in-law’s behavior is challenging, pointing out her flaws directly to your husband may only backfire. Instead, focusing on how the situation makes you feel—rather than blaming—can encourage more understanding from him.

If moving out and living separately from your in-laws is an option, that could help reduce tensions. Many couples find that once they have their own space, their relationships with in-laws improve naturally.

Finally, make plenty of duas. Ask Allah to soften hearts, guide you through this difficult time, and grant ease in your affairs.

May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.

Question 7. Selection of spouse on basis of financial stability or cousin?

I was married for two years in an arranged marriage to someone from outside my family. However, after marriage, I discovered that he was verbally and physically abusive, and the marriage eventually ended. Over time, I started working and became financially independent. I come from a well-settled family.

Currently, I am in a difficult situation. I was in contact with a man I used to work remotely for, and later, he proposed to me. He is unmarried, the same age as me, talented, well-educated, and earns a handsome salary. He does not have many family responsibilities as his family lives away, and all his siblings are married and settled.

I have developed feelings for him as well. He has sent a marriage proposal, and his family is excited about it. They know that my previous marriage ended, but they believe that the rukhsati did not take place. He has hidden this detail because he feels that if his family finds out, they might reject the proposal. He is deeply emotionally involved with me. I know he is a good, decent, and honest man.

Initially, my parents were concerned about what would happen if his family found out the truth after marriage and pressured him to divorce me. Their concern was valid, but he assured us that he is independent and makes his own decisions. He explained that his family might object before the marriage but would not do so afterward, as they are good people who would not mistreat a woman. He also promised that as my husband, he would stand by me, but at this stage, when we are not yet married, things are different.

Since I have known him for a long time, I trust that he is strong, generous, humble, and true to his word. We have never had any unethical conversations—he respects me, and his intentions have always been focused on marriage, never anything inappropriate. He is a family-oriented person.

On the other hand, there is another proposal from my cousin’s family. He is also unmarried and once expressed interest in marrying me but never had the courage to discuss it with his family. Recently, some of our relatives suggested to his mother that she consider me as a match for him. My cousin is financially unstable, 35 years old, and extremely obedient to his parents. He has told me that he will never accept an opportunity outside the country because he wants to stay with his parents and also has family responsibilities.

My parents prefer my cousin as they feel he is from our family, so at least they know he is not abusive. However, my concern is his financial instability, as I come from a wealthy background. I am also emotionally attached to him, but as a dutiful daughter, it is difficult for me to go against my parents’ wishes.

My parents are also hesitant about him because he is an outsider, and we do not know much about him. While his family and he seem sensible and kind, my parents worry about what might happen if things go wrong in the future. They are still traumatized by my previous marriage experience.

I did istikhara but still feel confused. I want to make the right decision this time—I want a marriage that is long-lasting and happy.

What should I do? Please advise.

Assalamualaikum sister,

Thank you for explaining your situation regarding the two proposals. Long story short, it seems to me that there is a marriage proposal from a former coworker of yours who is well-educated, earns a handsome salary, is talented, and there are mutual feelings between you. You also know that he is a good, decent, and honest man. Unfortunately, your parents are concerned because this would be your second marriage, and your first marriage ended due to abuse—both physical and verbal—which forced you to leave that relationship.

Now, it seems that your parents are naturally worried for your safety and want to ensure that the same situation doesn’t happen again. That’s why they are looking for someone within the family and found a proposal from your cousin’s side. This person, however, is financially unstable, older than you, and extremely obedient to his parents. He has also made it clear that he would never accept opportunities outside the country as he wants to stay close to his parents and fulfill his family responsibilities.

Your parents prefer your cousin because they believe that, being from the family, at least they know that he’s not abusive. Your main concern, however, is his financial instability, especially since you come from a wealthier background. You also admit that you are emotionally attached to your former coworker, but you find it hard to go against your parents’ wishes.

Sister, I understand your situation. I believe what can help is understanding both your needs and your parents’ concerns and seeing how you can bridge the gap.

From your letter, it seems the primary fear your family has is about your safety and ensuring that you don’t end up in another harmful marriage. They probably feel that a family connection offers a safer option. While this is understandable, it’s also important to recognize that family ties do not automatically guarantee success or happiness in marriage. In fact, sometimes family relationships complicate conflicts because of the emotional dynamics involved.

While there are definitely advantages to marrying someone your family knows, there are also drawbacks, as sometimes conflicts remain unresolved or undermined due to unbreakable family bonds and compromises. As much as it can be protective, it can be a very limiting experience too.

What can you do?
It seems to me that your parents want assurance that you will be safe and secure. So, you need to see how you fulfill their needs and calm their fears. 

One way to address their concerns is to help them get to know the former coworker better. Let them meet him and his family, and see for themselves if their fears can be eased. It might also help if your parents could gather information about his character from people who know him personally—this could provide them with the reassurance they need.

It’s also okay to involve family gatherings or community settings where your parents can see  his character in natural situations. This could help build their trust.

From your side, you should reflect on what you truly need in a marriage—not just what you want. Ask yourself:

• Do I need someone financially stable?
• Do I prefer someone independent or someone closely tied to his parents?
• Would I be comfortable with someone who avoids opportunities abroad, or do I need someone more flexible?
• Where can I see a long-term future, not just emotionally but practically?

If you feel that your former coworker meets your core needs, then it’s worth helping your family understand that. Remember, they are trying to protect you, but they may need help seeing the bigger picture.

You can also sit down with your parents and reflect on your first marriage and learn from it. Discuss what went wrong, what red flags might have been missed, and how you’ve grown from that experience. This can help them realize that you’re approaching this next decision with wisdom, and all of you are more aware and careful this time.

Pray istikhara, seek Allah’s guidance, and have open conversations with your family. InshaAllah, through patience and wisdom, things will fall into place.

Question 8. Feeling Bad About Past

Asalamalaikum, I had a potential spouse but things didn’t work out. I ended up getting involved in haram content and have even shared the same. I have mentally, emotionally and physically damaged myself by masturbation since 10 years. Looking at my state I feel how can I keep a spouse happy when I am ruined. I also want to know if I genuinely repent for my sins, will I also be forgiven for the haram I shared even if it’s still accessible to others and is being spread further. This anxiety and doubt bothers me a lot. 

Please guide me about forgiveness in this case and also about the feeling of healing myself completely for a few years and then thinking of marrying someone.

Assalamualaikum brother,

Thank you for sharing your struggle.

You feel that you are mentally, emotionally, and physically damaged due to involvement in sinful activities, including engaging with and sharing inappropriate content. Now, seeing the state you’re in, you are doubting whether you can keep a wife happy when you feel broken yourself. You’re also wondering if, after genuine repentance, Allah will forgive you—even though the content you shared might still be available. This uncertainty and anxiety are deeply troubling you.

I’m sorry you are going through this, brother. Perhaps I’m mistaken, but I feel I may have advised you before, or at least a very similar question comes to mind. 

If I have, beside what I suggested previously, what I can tell you is that it’s possible to feel better about yourself and heal, but it requires effort. You need to distance yourself from these deeds and make conscious efforts toward self-improvement.

You are right in thinking that once you feel better about yourself and believe that you are worthy of love and rebuild your self-worth, you will be in a better place to be a loving husband. For this reason, I highly recommend seeking professional help and counseling, especially if you feel you are still struggling with addiction. There are resources available, including websites that approach this issue from an Islamic perspective, which can be very helpful, inshaAllah.

Aware Academy

Purify Your Gaze 

Beside these links, consider attending counseling sessions focused on self-esteem. These can help you accept yourself, forgive yourself for past mistakes, and move forward. Although I am not a scholar, as a counselor, I know that Allah promises forgiveness in the Qur’an for those who sincerely repent. The key is to be genuine in your repentance and to make every possible effort to change your behavior and leave behind what was harmful.

Alhamdulillah, it’s clear that you recognize this path was not good for you, and acknowledgment is the first step toward change. It seems you have already taken that step., masallah. Now, it’s time to move forward.

Regarding your concern about the content you previously shared, I cannot guarantee what may or may not happen with it. Unfortunately, constantly ruminating over it will not solve the situation.

However, trust in Allah’s plan. If there’s any way for you to remove or retrieve the content, try to do so. If it was shared with friends or groups, reach out to them if possible, and ask for its removal. What you can do now is trust Allah, focus on your repentance, and move forward.

Why? Because that mistake is part of your past—it does not define who you are now. You are more conscious and self-aware today. You don’t have to identify yourself with your past actions. Mistakes, inshaAllah, are repairable, and Allah can help you overcome the consequences, especially when you have truly repented.

Please, brother, take the next steps. It was a good thing, mashaAllah, that you reached out for help. Now, engage in professional counseling and explore the resources I mentioned. May Allah make it easy for you and grant you peace and healing.

Question 9. Insecurity and hatred

I have been having these thoughts for a long time like my race, or people like me are viewed less attractive by the opposite sex and with all the bad examples on social media I have started to have a problem for hating women, if not resenting them, like I want them to suffer.  I have insecurity about my body and some others and due to it I have started to hate some other race of people also.

Assalamualaikum brother,

Thank you for sharing your struggle. Thank you for sharing that you are starting to have a problem with hating women and resenting them, feeling like you want them to suffer. This is probably due to your insecurity about your body and maybe because you think or have perceived that you are viewed as less attractive by the opposite sex. You also mentioned that by seeing all the bad examples on social media, you have started to develop this problem.

Brother, let me start by highlighting the importance of mindful social media use. Social media can be extremely harmful to your self-confidence and self-esteem. Unfortunately, there are multiple studies that prove the existing link between certain mental health issues—like anxiety, depression, and self-esteem struggles—and social media use. Social media presents a completely distorted reality, and due to the constant comparison with this fake reality, many people—not just you—can develop feelings of insecurity and feel that they are not good enough.

With this being said, please know that you are not alone. Social media can affect the self-esteem of many people around the world, regardless of religion, race, or nationality. As a young man, you are especially vulnerable.

First, please try to reduce your social media presence. Unfollow content that makes you feel bad about yourself. Also, unfollow inappropriate content that is not good for your soul—not just your mind and body, but your soul—because it does not nourish you; it poisons you. Please try to get rid of inappropriate images, whether of other men (which may lead you to compare yourself and feel worse) or of women (if they are presented in a way that negatively affects how you view them and impacts your future vision of a marriage partner).

This should be your first step. Try to completely remove such content, one by one—letting go, unfollowing everything like that, and cleaning out your social media. If needed, you can even open a new account with a fresh start and shift your focus toward content related to Islam, halal hobbies like nature, sports, or anything else that brings you peace—but only as long as it doesn’t start making you feel bad about yourself.

I think the upcoming Ramadan is a perfect time for this detox, inshaAllah.

At the same time, focus on consuming more positive content to clear your mind of these harmful impressions and assumptions. If you think counseling or an online course could help, depending on your financial situation, you could sign up for a course on topics like Islamic marriage, women in Islam, men in Islam, or understanding gender roles from an Islamic perspective. If you can afford counseling, I believe it would be very helpful. However, if that isn’t possible right now, seek out resources on self-esteem, self-love, and how to feel good enough. Try to identify what’s holding you back from loving and accepting yourself.

Regarding your body insecurities, I want to remind you, brother, that we are all blessed with different types of physiology. I am certain that you can find your match—there are women who would appreciate you for who you are. There isn’t only one standard of attractiveness. This diversity helps us find people we are compatible with, and I’m sure there are many great qualities in you as well.

Please try to focus on your strengths. You can even make a list of your good qualities—whether inner or outer ones—and if you need to, read through it every day. Also, try to do small daily actions that make you feel proud of yourself. This could be something as simple as greeting your neighbors, helping your mother with chores, or any small act of kindness. The point is to become more aware of your own value and to develop more love for yourself for who you truly are.

May Allah help you,