Assalamualaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

It sure sounds like you have been going through difficulties with your husband for quite some time. The fact that it even goes beyond difficulties only with your husband, but to his extended family also makes the whole thing even more difficult for you.

You did the right thing to involve your local imam to get some impartial advice in the situation. Perhaps he is correct that you are suffering from post natal depression, but it does also seem like there are a lot of other things that are causing you to have a rational response to a difficult scenario. Certainly after giving birth many women will go through emotional difficulties, but without support of close loved ones,  especially the husband, getting through such emotions will be even more difficult and will only enhance the negative feelings.

I would advise continuing to seek the support of your local imam, but perhaps make him more aware of the broader scenario and the difficulties you face as a marital couple. He will be able to give you some counselling and guidance in accordance with Islamic principles. This is something that you should do with your husband too so that the imam can directly advise your husband also and help him to see his own part in the current scenario. One of the most pertinent issues here being the abuse that both he and his siblings have subjected you to. This is not acceptable and he needs to know this otherwise he will continue to do so feeling like he is doing nothing wrong.

You have stated that you don’t want to be with him anymore, but understandably, with children,  you do want to do your best to make it work for their sake. As you know, marriage is highly regarded in Islam and we must do all we can to protect it. Seeking counselling with your local imam can help you with this, but at the same time, sometimes marriages won’t work and it is best for all involved, including the children, that a couple do opt for divorce instead. Sometimes raising children separately with 2 happy parents is more healthy for both couple themselves and the children. Otherwise the children will grow up seeing your marriage as the beat example of marriage and will end up in the same scenario themselves as they know no difference. Do take time to consider how you would feel if this were to be the case in the future. Particularly in the case of the abuse you state is occurring.  How would you feel if they should end up in a relationship where they face the same kind of abuse.

Aside from this, you’ve been through a lot over the years. Don’t neglect yourself, take care of yourself and the things you enjoy. This will be good for your psychological wellbeing generally as well as better placing you to successfully manage the current difficulties you are going through. Make sure to take some time for yourself each day, even if it is just 15 minutes a day to be by yourself and do something for yourself. Even aside from what’s happening within your family, having children can be a very demanding role and as parents we often spend so much time caring for others that we forget to take care of ourselves. Take up a new hobby, meet friends, read a new book, study a new course.. anything you enjoy to do or would like to try can be incredibly benefi

May Allah make it is easier for you during this difficult time and may He guide you to do what is best for your family.