Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

SubhanAllah, this is a dangerous situation that you are in and it might even be said constitutes a form of emotional abuse as he is controlling you through vernal aggression expressed in the form of a physical threat as extreme as killing you. This is completely unacceptable.

 

Whilst in the face of marital difficulties it is always recommended to try and work on the issue and seek counseling if necessary, in the case of abuse where yours and your children’s life is at risk, this is a less viable option and your safety and security becomes the primary concern over saving a marriage where such abuse rules your behavior as a rule of your fear of him and the death that he is threatening on you and your children.

 

Of course, ultimately it is your choice and one you will need to consider very carefully as the consequences, either way, will be significant, even if you chose to continue in this relationship as it is. However, if you do choose to stay, your husband clearly needs some support in overcoming the issue he has with a bad temper and if you support him through this it would be best for all.

 

However, as mentioned, you are in a dangerous situation where lives at risk. Even aside from the experience, you are having, remember that your children are vulnerable and less experienced and will not have the capacity to manage the emotional turmoil that they face. Also, remember that even if they don’t seem overly affected now, they may be affected internally and/or even go on to behave in the same way as your husband believing this kind of aggression is normal and ok. Even if he doesn’t mean it, the threat is there and the physical means are there to do it as he actually holds a gun to you. It may be that one day he is not able to control that last bit of self-control he does have and he takes action.

 

If you feel leaving for good is too extreme an option at this point you might begin with something more temporary. Go with your children and stay with a close family member. This way you can feel safe during this time. You can relax and be yourself. This will give you the space to think carefully about the next step without being clouded by the fear of what your husband will do. If you chose to leave,  at least you are in a safe place where you can make plans for a more permanent abode. It will also give him the space to consider his own actions too. Without someone around to take his temper out on, he will have to find alternative ways to manage himself. This may a positive thing that leads him to make changes.

 

If this happens and you chose to go back and try and work things out you might try setting a condition that he seeks professional help for his temper issue. Then you might meet with him to see if he has truly changed before taking any big steps back. If you have any ounce of doubt that things haven’t changed or you still feel fearful then continue with plans towards yours and your children future insecurity. If this is the case then make sure to surround yourself with loved ones as you will need both emotional and physical support in taking these next big steps in your life. Seek counseling for yourself too as a means to deal with the emotional difficulties that you have had to go through in the face of this abuse.

 

Amongst all this, remember that what has happened is not your fault and it is your choice as to what steps you take next.

 

May Allah ease your burden and guide you to a path of happiness and success in both this life and the next.