Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh brother,

 

When you selected your spouse or had her selected for you I imagine you will have looked at many of her traits and her of you. Since you proceeded with the marriage it is likely that you both found many positive things in each other.

 

Of course, your situation is making you anxious about having intercourse with her, but there is more to a marriage than this. Instead of focusing on this thing that is making you anxious, try focusing on the positive things that are not related to it.

 

Develop a close relationship with her so that you do not need to fear the physical aspect anymore as this act is done out of love and to increase the bond more than anything else.

 

It seems like this issue is taking over so by focusing on other more important things your mind will be taken off it. As you become more relaxed concentrating on other things, your attention will be taken off it and it will become less of an issue to you and make it easier for you to approach your wife. This will be further made easier once you have developed a close bond with your wide also.

 

Take the pressure off this single issue and focus on nurturing other things, like love in the relationship by doing things together as well as doing other things outside of this that make you feel good about yourself. This will boost your confidence generally as you come to feel more confident in yourself as a person without the worry of physical traits like the presenting issue here.

 

Try not to place to much pressure on yourself regarding this single thing as this will only make it harder as time passes. The more time you spend worrying about it, the more difficult it will become. Instead, focus this attention on other things. Use this energy to do things so that you do not waste your time as you have stated. This feeling of wasting time will only add to your psychological burden and make you not feel good about yourself only exacerbating the current feelings you have about your physical difficulty. Instead of using your time well doing useful things will counter these negative thoughts you have about yourself and how you spend your time and services to increase your confidence which will spill over into other aspects of your life.

 

May Allah bring you happiness and contentment in your marriage and make you and your wife the coolness of each other’s eyes.