Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

You sound very depressed and I would begin by urging you to seek counseling for this so you can receive ongoing treatment. This has been an issue that only seems to have gotten worse over time and it would be helpful for you to get this ongoing support to allow you to process everything and find alternative ways to move on successfully.

 

In the meantime, I can make some suggestions for you to consider and try to make things easier for now. For a start, it feels like you feel you are lacking a sense of purpose right now and are even having a problem connecting with Islam to find this in the religious sense, let alone in the worldly sense. So, you may begin by trying to rebuild your link with Allah and find a purpose for His sake. Remembering that from the Islamic perspective our purpose of life is to worship Allah. If we can find contentment with this purpose it will spill over to life more broadly and make life generally more happy and purposeful.

 

To rebuild this connection again take baby steps beginning with the obligations and ensure you pray five times a day. Beyond this, try reading a bit of the Qur’an every day, making dua and seek guidance and contentment in His words. Even if it is just 5 minutes a day you begin with. With each day you can add more to this as you are able. As you progress you will find that certain ayats will even stand out to you and speak to your situation bringing you ease simply by reading His comforting words as we know as Allah says that hearts find ease with the remembrance of Allah. As your connection with Him strengthens the ease in your heart will also increase.

 

You might even consider making this an activity that you could do with other sisters by joining a local group where you can read with other sisters and free this connection with others also on top of building the link with Allah. This will give you the added social support that is crucial to recovery from psychological difficulties like those you have faced. If finding a local group in person is a problem, then you could even join an online group instead. You mentioned that the invention of mobile phones and the like can have negative effects, well, you can use them for positive also, Sony out could take this opportunity to use your phone and mobile internet for good; a chance to meet other sisters and interact for the sake of Allah. This will leave you feeling less guilty that you are doing things that are displeasing to Him whilst actually doing those that He likes. Furthermore, it will help you to build positive relations with good people that will support you in the straight path. This may also then open other opportunities, for example, to earn more and study more about the Deen and give you further sense of purpose.

 

These things can serve multiple purposes. Primarily they will strengthen your connection with Allah and help to renew that sense of ultimate purpose in life, but you can also use these activities to guide you and motivate you on a more personal level. For example, you may set targets in your reading, to say memorize a certain amount of ayat in a certain amount of time. Creating achievable goals for yourself can provide you with the personal motivation to push in and achieve these goals. This can be a very useful way to induce a sense of achievement which not only provides motivation to continue to improve but evokes the sense of happiness and contentment that is experienced with every new achievement.

 

Beyond this, you can also do the same with other non-Islamic tasks also. For example, having a hobby and doing something you enjoy will give you the chance to meet with other like-minded people that you share something I common with, but it also provides you with the opportunity to achieve new things as you progress in the field and reach and succeed in new targets.

 

These things will generally improve your wellbeing which will ultimately have the knock-on effect with other things. As your psychological well-being improves as you begin to experience a sense of purpose again, you will be better equipped psychologically to deal with other things you may face in the family home for example ad you feel more  content with who you are in the knowledge that you are striving to ultimately please Him, but also you are achieving things yourself and these things mean even me than striving to please others as you become content with who you are.

 

May Allah guide you and ease your affairs.